Manners

Several incidents recently have gotten me to thinking about manners.  There's a line from a Pretenders song "when your property took the A-train, I wonder where your manners went"  At least I think that's the line, if it's not, it's what I hear, which brings me to today's musings.

A lot has been made recently about that woman in that diner on the east coast who actually yelled at a family that was ignoring their screaming toddler for FORTY minutes.  Geez, even Mother Teresa would have snapped after that. What did the mother do?  Did she apologize for ruining everyone's meal by not being a parent to her child?  oh NO!  She went and threw herself a Pity Party on social media, begging for people to sympathize with her plight.  I'm surprised she didn't open a Kick-starter to help sooth her injuries from this "Assault"   She said "we are never coming back here" as if THAT threat is enough to make the owner change their stance and beg them to come back.  After reading the account, and several people who were there chiming in, I think the owners should be thankful this woman is not coming back.  She obviously missed the part of the parenting notebook that says it is OUR responsibility to teach our children how to behave in public.  There is nowhere I can think of, except maybe the playground, where a child screaming at the top of their lungs is really accepted.  When my daughter was almost a year old, her godmother invited us to join her and her family at a local French restaurant.  I can tell you the proprietor was not pleased to see us come through the door with a baby, nor was my friend's stepfather, who was hosting the party.  We placed our daughter between us and kept her entertained while having conversation and eating the meals we ordered.  We fed her some things from our plates and the food we brought for her to eat.   After about an hour, the proprietor came over and said "You wouldn't even KNOW there was a baby here!"  and asked if she could show Kate off.   Kate WAS adorably dressed in ruffles up to her ears and she was giggly.  The woman waltzed her around the restaurant, singing to her in French.  She told us we could come back any time.  My friend's stepfather said much the same thing. HAD she been having an off night or been cranky, we would have taken her home.  We took her places so that she would learn how to behave in public. 

I went to a concert in the park last night.  About midway through the act we had come to see- who was NOT the headliner- two guys plunked themselves down on the lawn in front of us and started having a LOUD conversation, shouting to be heard over the music.  EXCUSE ME????  If you don't want to hear the music, go somewhere else to talk.   What kind of manners is that anyway?  It's so rude and they were just TALKING.    SHUT. UP.   It used to be that you could shush someone.  NOW it's like THEY have the  God-given right to disrupt you and if you call them on it YOU are the problem.  No wonder I don't really like going out to see concerts anymore.  It's not your house, you are not watching this alone in your underwear and MAYBE the rest of us would like to hear what we came out for and not be treated to YOUR conversation.

One last thing that makes me shake my head.  I was heading for the doorway of the local Starbucks.  It's inside an office building so the door is open and there was a modest line, as there always is at that time of morning there.  A guy who had been right behind me quickened his pace to get in front of me in the line.  REALLY?  Are you jonesing THAT HARD for your triple decaf mocha skinny latte that you had to essentially cut in front of me?  He didn't even acknowledge my presence or what he had done.  I just shook my head. Unbelievable. 

I wonder if we raised a bunch of entitled brats who have no consideration for others in their quest for ME! ME! ME!  I do see some members of the next generation who are well mannered, so it gives me hope, but I just have to wonder some days.

Courage

There has been a lot made recently, about Caitlyn Jenner receiving the Arthur Ashe Award for Courage  I looked it up and found this description of the award:

"The Ashe Award is one of the most prestigious in sports. Recipients reflect the spirit of Arthur Ashe, possessing strength in the face of adversity, courage in the face of peril and the willingness to stand up for their beliefs no matter what the cost."

There have been countless memes posted, showing soldiers and firefighters rescuing people, stating "THIS is courage", missing the point of the Ashe Award.  Ashe himself contracted AIDS through a blood transfusion, during a period of time when the disease was feared  and the transmission was misunderstood.  It was a "punishment" according to some conservative ultra-right wing fanatics, but Ashe had the disease and was public about it. Was that considered a courageous act?  By many, it was; and what adversity he faced as a public figure makes that clear.

I looked up past recipients:

1993-Jim Valvano
1994-Steve Palermo
1995-Howard Cosell
1996-Loretta Claiborne
1997-Muhammad Ali
1998-Dean Smith
1999-Billie Jean King
2000-William David Sanders
2001-Cathy Freeman
2002-Todd Beamer, Mark Bingham, Tom Burnett, and Jeremy Glick
2003-Pat Tillman and Kevin Tillman
2004-George Weah
2005-Emmanuel Ofosu Yeboah and Jim MacLaren
2006-Roia Ahmad and Shamila Kohestani
2007-Trevor Ringland and David Cullen from Peace Players International
2008-Tommie Smith and John Carlos
2009-Nelson Mandela
2010-Family of Ed Thomas
2011-Dewey Bozella
2012-Pat Summitt
2013-Robin Roberts
2014-Michael Sam
2015-Caitlyn Jenner

Only a couple of these people were actual "Heroes" by the narrow definition of the mean spirited memes; that is they saved actual lives in their deeds.  But most faced adversity publicly and with great grace, teaching by example how to be a hero.

It takes courage to do what Caitlyn Jenner has done and continues to do.  To live her life on her terms, despite what must be immense pressure to continue with the societal norm.  Bruce had it all on the outside; a beautiful home a loving family a great career, but he was not happy.  As Caitlyn, I think she will find what she has always sought and in doing so gives hope to others who may be struggling with the same challenge.  Who is to say that she has not prevented some soul from suicide, but in the act of becoming visible has allowed a dialog to begin.  

So to those who say that Jenner is not deserving of the award, I ask you to look at your definition of courage and tell me why NOT.  Please don't say, "we need to honor the soldiers who were killed in Tennessee" ( which happened after the award was given) or try to name someone you feel is MORE deserving ( that's kind of a Kanye West thing isn't it?)  Tell me how Caitlyn Jenner does not embody strength in the face of adversity and a willingness to stand up for her beliefs no matter the cost.

America at the Orange County Fair

Let me start this review by stating the obvious.  I love the band America.  I have been a fan since the early days of the band, having seen them in March 1973 and many many times since then.  Their music never fails to bring me out of a funk, to touch me and alter my mood.  I was really excited to see them locally with a full orchestra, so Chris bought me tickets for the show last night at the Pacific Ampitheatre in Costa Mesa, about an hour and a half from here.

We drove down to Costa Mesa and stopped to eat at a place near the fair called the Cabo Cafe.  The food was barely edible and expensive, a theme that would be echoed later in the evening when we bought food from the fair booth but were not allowed to sit and eat it.  The carnitas was boiled to almost the point of disintegration and tasteless.  I dumped a load of the house salsa on it in hopes of improving it.  No luck.

We had purchased VIP parking passes.   GOOD thing, as neither of us was walking very well.  I actually stepped wrong and howled, it hurt!  Getting old, as my father observed, is not for sissies.

We found our seats and settled in.  I forgot I was in Orange County and the crowd was the typical people just out for an evening, versus a hardcore fan-base.  I think a lot of them had come to see the Orchestra. 

The orchestra began the set by playing "Fanfare for the Common Man" the 1984 Olympics theme. It was received with polite applause.  The conductor then announced that for the first half ( HALF!) of the evening, they would be exploring "The Great American Songbook" then proceeded to launch into Earth Wind and Fire.  This was my cue to take the potty break I was wondering about!  They performed about a half dozen songs and the conductor was fun to watch, but the orchestra was less than impressive.  Maybe it was the selection of songs.  Chris said the arrangements were bad, but I was not wanting more and was restlessly waiting for the band to come on.

They began, as expected, with Miniature.  The orchestra missed all the nuances and drama of the song, it was just missing .. something.   That was how the night went for me.    I want to say this with out being mean, but the mix was terrible.  The sound was off balance and the band sounded, well, horrible.   At one point, I actually thought "we should just leave" but I waited it out.  Gerry seemed to be struggling with his vocals and JW had him so loud you couldn't hear anyone else, even when he was singing harmony.  The orchestra seemed to be an afterthought and instead of being wowed by the sound and the arrangements, I was underwhelmed.  At one point I found myself wondering if the orchestra were playing at all; a good portion of the time, the musicians were just still.

I like the new drummer, Ryland Steen, but he came out on "You can do Magic" going WAY too fast.  I found myself missing Wil's drumming, his subtle licks and steadiness.  Chris said Ryland got lost a few times, but that could be due to being thrown off by the Orchestra more than anything else.   I was delighted to see Andy Barr take up Woodz's spot. It was only his second show with the band and he did really well, taking the banjo on "Don't cross the river" and singing the tag line on YCDM.  I used to see Andy with his local band ( Forgive me but I think the name of it was Head Parade) and I liked him. He was absolutely a revelation on Sandman, by far the best song of the evening. Kudos as always to the solid presence of Rich Campbell who is a delight to watch. The mix was just awful and most of the night I found my mind wandering and wondering why the band sounded so off.  To say I was disappointed is an understatement.  It was a short set, which included "The Last Unicorn" a song I really don't like, but is saved by the recorder  that Rich plays to begin the song.   They played "Chasing the rainbow" which the crowd did not seem to know at all.  I think I was the only person in my section who applauded it ( it's my ringtone on my phone, so there you go).  They showed some marvelous montage videos and I found myself getting lost in them rather than trying to watch the band.  I always get seated behind someone tall wearing a hat and tonight was no different.  It was a treat to see the video shoot from the Hat Trick album, to see David Dickey and Wil and Woodz.  Nostalgia swept over me, making me a trifle sad.  Sandman never fails to make me think of my friend Kaye Thomas, an old Marine who died before we could "have that beer".


We left the concert after the crowd had departed, paid too much for bad fair food and were told we needed to leave the grounds to eat it.  WHY they let them sell us food we could not eat is beyond me. We could not walk and carry it at the same time. We wound up chucking it in the garbage. The food and that experience left a BAD taste in my mouth. 

I will go to see America again.  They are playing a freebie in Pershing Square, but unless there is a drastic change to my health, I will not be going to that one.  The thought of having to try to stand all that time makes me break out in a sweat. I am a real wuss when it comes to pain and I can't see putting myself in that situation.   I need to look at the concert list and see what is do-able for us.

On the Cover of the Rolling Stone

I used to subscribe to Rolling Stone Magazine.  Back in my college years I loved getting the magazine every month and devouring the thoughtful, well written articles on music and politics.  The writers, like Hunter S. Thompson and Cameron Crowe were reason enough to read the magazine.  Heck I even remember reading and enjoying P.J. O'Rourke, before he turned into a conservative git with no sense of humor. But in recent years, in a desperate attempt to be relevant, Rolling Stone has become an horrific joke.

Case in point, putting the Boston Marathon Bomber on the cover as if he were someone deserving of fame.  The only reason to put him on the cover is if he were still a wanted man, so that people would be on the lookout for him.  It used to mean something to be on the cover of Rolling Stone; usually a musical act but more recently politicians have been on the cover.  I get it.  An interview with Barrack Obama means he is on the cover.  Check. However this month's cover is just too much.  Kim Kardashian and her over-oiled pushed up boobs "grace" the cover. The focus of the photo is NOT her cheesy smile and her overly kohled eyes.  Nope, it's her main asset ( well two of them, as she is really more famous for her posterior)  Just WHAT is that woman doing on the cover?  Cheesecake.   She is trying desperately to prove she is a savvy businesswoman, but I am not buying it.   Her mother pimps her out.  Shamefully, and the "momager" is doing this with all her children.  She wanted a career in show biz and when she couldn't have it, devised a way to become famous through her children.  Isn't that some twisted version of Munchhausen's by proxy? But I digress.  What musical or political input does Kimmy K have ( other than sleeping with Kanye West, that is)  Have you ever heard her "music"  Do yourself a favor and DON'T.  She is more famous for her sex tape and who she has "dated" more than her business acumen.  The cover shot made me wonder just how much her machine paid to get her there.  In my mind, Rolling Stone is officially a joke, it might as well be the National Enquirer or even better, the News of the World. Not a day goes by that my news feed online does not have some tidbit about that family ( News Flash Kourtney K clips her toenails) as if the world breathlessly awaits anything that these people do.  It's a shame, we know more about them than we do about the Iran nukes deal or global warming.

Still, it's a shame that a magazine once considered the 'go-to" for news and reviews away from mainstream media has been sucking down the Kool-aid in large amounts.  Can you say "sell out"?  I knew you could.

Friday morning thoughts

There's a song by Paul Simon in which he says "I can gather all the news I need from the weather report" Some days I think about that and and wonder if all I really need IS the weather report.  I don't need to look at the TV to know the weather these days, my knees tell me.   I have been diagnosed with severe osteoarthritis.  I am dreading what Winter will feel like, but am trying to remain optimistic in the face of this small bump in the road.  Yes, I am afraid, but I remind myself that fear means Face Everything and RISE.  I can do this.

I have been thinking about the Confederate flag "controversy" I am having trouble understanding why some people think it's ok to display it as part of an official banner over a capital building.  Yes, it once flew there, or flew in that State, but by THAT logic, the flags of Mexico, France and England need to be displayed, as they are part of the "heritage" the supporters are citing.  I know people who claim it represents "Heritage not hate" but the same can be said for the Nazi flag.  I don't mean to go all "Godwin's Law" here, the theory that at some point a conversation where two parties disagree, one will invoke the Nazi's in some way, but my point is this; the Nazi Party was founded by people seeking a national identity after World War One devastated Germany economically and emotionally.  They went about it the wrong way, certainly, but it can be said that the banner represented national pride to some. I will also say this.  No mater what you believe the original intent of the flag was, it no longer represents that.  Too many hate groups have co-opted it to wave as THEIR standard when they are spewing out their violence.  It no longer represents States Rights or anything remotely unifying.  It is divisive in nature and should not be a part of our daily lives.  In the same vein, I do not believe that the statues and artwork should be removed.  They are a part of our national history and those who forget history are condemned to repeat it.  I know American history tends to oversimplify the reasons behind the Civil War as Black and White, literally and figuratively, and while this was a huge part of the reason, it is not the only reason we fought each other.  I don't think we should try to erase that history, but we should learn from it.  After all , England has statues of Guy Fawkes, the guy who tried to blow up Parliament . I'm oversimplifying again, but you get my meaning.  I have a friend who was saying that the American flag represents oppression and imperialism, but then, don't most flags represent the "winner" in the battle?  I don't think we are ready to give up our national flags around the world quite yet, if ever.

Walt Whitman

I have a degree in English; which means I can quote Chaucer while asking if you'd like fries with that.  I love the poetry of Walt Whitman and last night I went to an ALOUD program at Central Library that was called "Song of Myself: Walt Whitman in Other Words"  I should have read the scope of the program more carefully, I thought it was a discussion of his work.  What it WAS, was three poets reading, one in English, one in Spanish and one in Persian.  This is part of n International Writing Program, where the poem was translated, in 52 parts into Persian to give Iranians an introduction to America's greatest poet.  Upon reading what it was, and since Chris couldn't join me and I would be by myself, I had planned to sit close to the door and slip out if it got too weird, but the fates conspired against me.   I was joined, while waiting on a bench, by a delightful engaging writer, whose pen name is CW Moss.  We had a lively conversation (at times I felt I was being interviewed!) and we went into the Taper together ( The auditorium at Central Library is called "The Taper" by staff, I forget which Taper it's named after)

Louise Steinman introduced the three poets, Luis Alberto Ambroggio, Christopher Merrill, and Sholeh Wolpè.  There was also musical accompaniment by Sahba Motallebi, playing traditional Persian music.   Louise gave a bit of advice that really helped me to appreciate the work.  She said that if we did not speak the language, we should simply relax and let the sound of the words wash over us.  Since so much or "Song of Myself" uses repetition to gather the cadence, I found myself listening for the repeated word in each presentation.  Did I drift off?  Yes, but I think that was due in part to the music, which took me other places.  She broke a string in the middle of the performance and I watched her expertly and swiftly restring the instrument to finish with a masterful piece. My seatmate said he didn't even notice.  I think the poets saw what happened and substituted their part of the performance to cover the time she would need.

I have a battered copy of Leaves of Grass that I will take with me this weekend.  I also got a CD, as a well read poem gives insight that just reading it for yourself does not bring out.  The reader put a bit of his soul into reading and shares it with the listener.

In their opening remarks, the poets cited Whitman cited Whitman as being the father of American poetry.  I got to thinking about the poets I had studied and admired.  I thought of T.S. Eliot and Ezra Pound. I don't admire their politics, but  their precise use of words moves me and can be traced back to the work of Whitman.  I wonder , as I read him, about the startling themes of politics and sexuality that course through his work.  If he were alive today, Conservatives would mock him for his humanist beliefs and vilify him for his bi-sexuality.  I wonder if they would try to ban the teaching of his work, if they actually read such poems as (my favorite)  " A Woman Waits for Me"  It  made me wonder about the tolerance for ideas that existed 150  years ago and why our society has become so narrow minded.

Merrill directed the audience to visit his webpage, The Whitman Web, for scholarly discussion about the poet and this project.   They all spoke of the joy of discovery in translating the work into another language.  Wolpè insisted that only poets should translate other poets, and I agree to some degree, but take it one step further;  you may never know the poet in your soul until you attempt to translate a work into a language of your own.  The act of discovering the secrets of a major work may uncover more than you realize.