Books, Grief and memory

 On this day in 1981, My friend Laura E. Hernandez passed away from Lupus. It wasn't the first time someone I knew died, but this one hit me between the eyes.  Part of me knew she was dying, but part of me was firmly in the land of Denial. After all we were in our early 20's and people our age don't die from illness. 

But she did.  

Her life was such a spark.  Someone said she was an angel walking and I suppose that's as close as you can get to a description.  She was human sunshine, a fierce friend and a genuinely good soul.  I think she must have completed her mission here  I think of her often- I went so far as to give her middle name to my daughter.  I can't hear the Christopher Cross song "think of Laura" without sobbing- which is the antithesis of what the song tries to do.  I often think of what her life would have been like if they had the medical knowledge they do now. The memory of her life and the sweet, fun times we had overtakes the sadness.

Timing sucks, but I am currently reading the Newberry Award Winner "all the Blues in the Sky"  about a young girl whose best friend in killed by a hit and run driver while on her way to see her.  I'm about halfway through the book. I keep having to put it down.  It deals with grief, guilt and anger in a way teens can understand ( this is a book for Young Adults)  It is well written- it Is A Newberry, after all!

It got me thinking about people I knew who died when I was a kid.  Car accidents, household accidents, shot by police, suicide.  I did have a neighbor who was about 19 who had a viral infection that attacked his heart.  He was super healthy and athletic.  I never understood that.

As I get older, I find I am going to more funerals or memorial services. It sucks but it is a fact of life. I try to think of it this way, mourning a death means I got to celebrate a friendship. There is an expression from the Jewish tradition, which I have adopted as it means more to me than the traditional Christian platitudes like "they've gone to a better place" or "Heaven needed an angel"  ( don't start me on that, since I FIRMLY believe that humans do not transition to angels)  They say "May their memory be a blessing" It aligns with what I often say May the joy of their life soon overtake the grief of their passing. It works for me.

As I remember my friend Laura today, I will Share a poem she once put on a scrap of paper in my work inbox:

From Emily Dickinson

To make a prairie (1779)

To make a prairie it takes a clover and one bee,
One clover, and a bee.
And revery.
The revery alone will do,
If bees are few.

That says mor than I just said.