Fear. Again

My sister thinks I'm a big chicken.  She has been known to make "bwak-bwak" noises at me when we are sitting on a roller coaster, for instance; conveniently forgetting I am strapped in the seat NEXT TO HER.  Afraid? You bet.  My sister is not afraid of anything.  I think as kids she would have jumped off the roof on a dare ( she may have done that but our childhoods were a long time ago and I can get a little fuzzy on the details)  I would have been the one trying to calculate how to jump and how to break the fall, and then decided it was better to be a live chicken than a dead duck.

I like to think that I have a certain amount of courage.  I have faced down some pretty terrible things and made it to the other side of them.  I remind myself that courage is not the absence of fear,it is being afraid and doing it anyway.   Today I am having a test done and I am more terrified than I probably should be.  The test itself will probably hurt a bit.  The literature on it says it's "uncomfortable"  My doctor told me to take a Vicodin before the test, which tells you just what level of "discomfort" he expects.  I am going to breathe and get through this.  The thing that scares me is the results. Either I will have the disease now or will need to have this test done on a regular basis to see if it develops.  I will get the results and consider my options.  Ultimately, I am looking at the surgery, it's really just a question of when, not if.   I doubt there is really a "good" time for this to happen, but this week it is really important for me to be able to do things.  My Bobby turns a year old on Friday and I am looking forward to going to a baseball game with him. We have the tickets.  I am making him a cake, per my daughter's request.  I don't have time to be out of it.

So send me good thoughts today. I'll check in later and tell you how it went.