Well, it was Taco Tuesday in my office again today. And once again, they asked everyone but me if I wanted in. I am getting used to it. The tacos smell really good, everyone makes these smacking and yummy noises as they scarf down the food at their desks. I'm getting used to it, but I can't say I have gotten to the point where it doesn't bother me. I suppose I should just speak up about it, but I really don't want to. It's kind of like hearing about a party and inviting yourself. Everyone is embarrassed and you realize you are a grudging guest, not a welcome one. My office mates aren't really mean, just thoughtless. I came rather late to the office I work in and friendships and hierarchy was well established. Sometimes, I honestly think they forget I work there. I have three years left and I have worked in worse places and in worse conditions, My job is pretty busy and I am on the phone all the time, so there isn't time to brood on this, but it got me thinking about of all things... Junior High.
You hear all the time about how mean girls can get and sometimes I think about Eileen Sexton. Eileen was shy, with braces and a stutter and with a last name like Sexton.. well.. you figure it out. There were a few girls who kind of picked on her, just teasing her to the point of being upsetting. They never stuffed her in a locker or "pantsed" her on the gymfield, but I know it must have hurt. To this day, when I think about her, I am ashamed. I don't remember joining the taunts, but I did something worse. I did not speak up for her. I wish I had and when I think of her, I hope she went on to great success- she had a marvelous singing voice, something not many people knew about. I hope she grew up to have the most marvelous fantastic adventures ever. Eileen, if you are out there, I hope you can forgive what happened. Know that because of you, I often went up against the "mean girls" there were some that I encountered who were far meaner than just teasing someone about their name. I broke "friendships" because of it. I came to see that I did not want to be around people who picked on those whom they considered not as "cool" as themselves. It helped me to find good friends and to know who was just an acquaintance.
So, next Tuesday, around 10:30 when they begin talking about tacos, I am going to excuse myself; take my break. Put on my big girl panties. I really don't need tacos from the cart, when I can go to YUCA'S whenever I want!
Boy, is this bringing back a mixed bag of memories. Oh, why di I say "mixed," when they are mostly bad. In Saint Luke's I was not apopular kid, and in high school, less so. Several thingss all conspired here - I was a real fat kid. Hence, I was NO GOOD in sports 9htat cliche about always being the last one chosen - all true!) I was a sissy, I guess, certainly by high school I was taunted for being a "Fag," or "Queer" or "Homo." Ironically, that didn't actually mean one was gay, it was just sort of an all-purpose taunt. My favorite part of high school was the summer between sophomore and junior year, I lost almost 40 pounds, and when I went back, no one knew who I was. I flew under the radar for weeks, until one morning, one of the teachers called me by name, and everyone started and gaped - but then it all started up again. Oh, well, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger - they claim. I can see that this has resulted in my ongoing desire to be popular and have a huge circle of friends. I also had a job where all the guys wouold go out for lunch and not ask me - worse, they would deliberately invite this one guy (a precursor to a "geek") that no one really liked. So, Eileen, wherever you are, I join Robyn in wishing you a life of excellent adventures! And hoping that you understand why that, whenever I get anything from my old high school, it goes right into the recycle bin.
ReplyDeleteTom
As an immigrant, with Caribbean accented English, I was teased and bullied. One day I was surrounded by a bunch of 6th grade girls, threatening me. I challenged the leader, setting a proviso that, if I beat her, they'd leave me alone. Yes, OK. Smack! Broke her nose. Done.
ReplyDeleteHung out with the fifth graders from then on...so much happier.
Yuca's will gladly deliver your next Taco Tuesday Extravaganza!
Delete