Understanding my illness at last

I went to the doctor the other day.

I was seeing a specialist , after winding up in emergency with a problem with my esophagus last month.  It was scary.  I couldn't swallow and I kept throwing up.  The emergency room doctor gave me a few shots and some nitro and I was better, but I needed to see someone.

I have had this for at least ten years, maybe longer, where I feel this spasm and WHAM everything shuts.  Sometimes, I can catch it and relax enough so it goes away, but it's getting worse.I was told that:

You need to lose weight
You need to change your diet
You need to exercise more
You need to take this medication

I was made to feel guilty about my illness, as if some basic flaw in my character had caused me to get this.  I never felt better, even when I did everything they told me to do. It was always there.

This doctor calmly explained that the CAUSE of this was.... STRESS.  Simply explaining that when our bodies are under stress, they produce more acid to deal with bad food or food consumed quickly.  Our bodies were made like that.  In the past, stress like that has been short-lived.  These days, stress is a constant companion.  We talked about managing stress and although he gave me another medication, he gave me hope.  I don't feel so helpless.

Next Friday, I am going in for an esophagram.   The test will take several hours, but it will show if there is any damage or need for anything other than what my current treatment is.  I don't know just what I will do to manage my stress- I can't quit my job but maybe I can recognize the stress triggers at my job and try to manage them bit by bit,  Chris says I need to develop a hobby that will give me a creative outlet.   Writing has always soothed me, so I am going to try to do more of that.  I HOPE to write a poem a day for April which is National Poetry Month. I haven't used those chops in a while.

This will be a day-by-day or minute-by-minute quest to heal.