I wound up in Emergency yesterday. I have been having chest pains and trouble breathing, but this past week it got pretty noticeable, so I made an appointment to see my regular doctor. We have been trying to find the cause and although I have a "slight" case of pulmonary hypertension, she didn't think that was it. She sent me for blood work, something called a d-dimer test, for blood clots in the lungs. She came back in after she got the results, kind of freaked out and said that she was sending me to the ER for a cat scan. Turns out the normal range is around 549 and mine was over 1600. The did the whole thing, EKG, Chest x-ray, and cat scan. All negative. The only thing they can point to is stress. I have been under a huge amount of it lately and the last week just tipped the scale. Chris and I have talked about how to reduce my stress and although it is hard for me, I have to agree with him. I cannot live like this. I will be drastically scaling back my activities and asking for help. It is hard, because one of the organizations is in dire need of help and everyone I talk to will only help if they think the organization is healthy. I want to say OF COURSE IT'S NOT, but if YOU want it to be there YOU need to pitch in. I hate to see it fold, but it's going to without other people helping it survive. I can no longer do all that I was doing. Period.
I'm pretty tired and am taking the day off work to rest up. Hopefully in the next few days, I will come up with a revised game plan for stepping away until I feel better; which may mean permanently.
Robyn, you've done your best--it's time to rest and let it go. Perhaps someone else will pick up where you left off when they see it's not happening, or not. Either way is okay. We can't control everything, and can't do everything. Whatever it is, it's hurting your health. We need to try to stay balanced. Health comes first. You have Charlie to bounce off your revised game plan. You have Kaiser's counseling to help you and many friends and relatives. I think the most important thing is to try to let go of your helping the unhealthy organization. It's okay to let go. Like I said above, someone else might step in, or not and that's okay. It is very healthy that you decided to take a day off from work. I'm proud of you. Really. Much love and health to you!
ReplyDeleteRobyn, sweetie. You do KNOW what you have to do, and you KNOW you have everyone's permission (well, anyone who is anyone, that is!) to do it. You are a good, responsible, dedicated individual. ANd that may mean that sometimes it is hard to let go. So, take a good look at CHRIS! BOBBY! KATE! Is the organization more important than they are? I thought not. You can explain why you need to step away and wish them well and do what you can - WHEN and IF you are able. AND - reconsider how much longer you need to stay the LAPL. My doctor was thrilled at my blood pressure after I retired. So, perhaps you need to retrench a bit. Better than the alternative. You have a lovely and happy personal life. Take some time to enjoy it!
ReplyDeleteTom