This week, there are back-to-back funerals in regard to my co-workers; Janet lost her father and Toni lost her grandson. I cannot bear to go to both, so I will go to Toni's grandson's services and bow out of Janet's Dad's I feel awful about it, but I need to make choices for my well being too and given my nature ( I'm an Empath) I would find the strain unbearable. I remind myself that the ritual of funerals are for the living, and by performing this ancient rites we seek to comfort ourselves and one another. Some of the practices , like "Viewing" are in my book a bit barbaric. When I die, please don't put me on display. It is not how I want people to remember me, I want a party, with everyone eating and drinking and LAUGHING! Telling funny stories and remembering good times together. The sum of my life should not be reduced to tears. Hopefully that will not be for a long time
In thinking about funerals I have attended, I think about how we lean on our faith during this time. I remember my friend Laura's service where her parents were comforting US, not the other way around. But she was goodness and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I suppose. I often think of her, so much so I gave Kate her middle name- Elizabeth- as Kate's middle name to honor her. I try to live my faith without forcing it down anyone else's throat and have been examining just what it is I believe these days. I was thinking about the hymn I learned as a child "In times like these" and it brought me back to a memory of Summer camp. We went to a "christian camp" up in the mountains somewhere. It was wonderful, swimming, hiking and of course Bible Study. We were put into groups and competed for points and at the end of the week the group with the most point got some kind of award. I guess I am a bit competitive, or was at that time. Our group was in second place, just barely, behind this snobby bunch from Temple City. They weren't very "Christian" in my book, always going on and on about how much better they were than the rest of us. It wasn't very Christian of the rest of us to dislike them, but we did. We were a few points behind them, going into the final contest, a talent show. While we waited for our cabin counselors to come up with something, my friend Marilyn Turner and I began singing to pass the time. We were singing "In Times Like These" a song we had recently learned. The counselors pounced on us and we tried to teach the rest of the group the song, but they decided that the group would hum behind us and we would sing together. We often sang together and our voices blended nicely. Upshot? We WON! The victory was sweet and the disappointment of the group from Temple City was probably celebrated by the rest of the campers. If they had been nicer, I might not have tried so hard to beat them, but they were bullies to the smaller kids and not nice at all if they thought you weren't their equal. It was a comeuppance truly earned.
This week, as emotional and medical challenges abound, I lean on MY faith and my friends to pull me through.
A timely post for me, as the last of my aunts died suddenly on Tuesday morning, and I am awaiting news from my cousin Bill (well,pretty much all of us are named Bill, but the is Colorado Bill) as to the plans. I always told Aunt Alice hers was the only funeral I'd go to, and I do want to go to honor her, and to reconnect with the few relatives I have left. I know it won't be a big deal, as she made it clear she didn't want anything fancy. She did tell me I'd be the best dressed man there, but then added, "Not that you'll have much competition." And then we laughed.....whenever we visited, we had such laughs, and when Bill called me the other day, we laughed a lot, too, in between crying jags.
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It's tough when deaths seem to come so close together. It tests us in ways we didn't plan for.
AND - little Missy, I grew up in Temple City - I certainly cannot think of any church or social group from thee that had ANY reason to be snobs about ANYTHING!
You will have to perform the bug number for me someday (perhaps after some drinks?)
Tom