August 29
Fifteen years ago, my beautiful, brilliant mother lost her battle to Alzheimer's
It does NOT get easier, in fact, in some ways the passing of the years and the reaching of milestones makes it worse.
In the time she has been gone:
I got a divorce. I won't go into details, but I am proud of the way I did what I did. I am a better person because I am not married to that person.
I met and married the love of my life. It grieves me that my mom never met Chris. She would have been nuts about him and she would have been thick as thieves with him mom , Anna.
Her granddaughter Kate graduated from college, got married and has one son with another son on the way. She started her own business and is doing ok.
Our family has a hole in it, and has since she crossed over. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my Mom, wish I could call her to share some tiny bit of news, or visit her and cook in her kitchen. I miss her most at Christmas- her favorite holiday. I bake more cookies than we can eat, remembering how she would bake and give the cookies to the neighbors as a holiday treat. I can't bear to make lebkuchen.
Alzheimer's stole her from us, bit by bit. The year she died, my sister and I did a walk in her honor and raised over $1,500 in her name. It is my hope that one day, families will not go what we went through and that this will be curable.
She once told me she was glad she could not remember the exact date that her mother died (Ironically it was August 11, which is Kate's birthday) My grandmother died of the "family cancer" during the Watts Riots. Unfortunately I remember the day my mother passed on. The number 29 resonated with my family:
My Dad was 29 when he met my mother
My mother was 29 when my sister was born
I was 29 when Kate was born
They lived in 29 Palms
My mother died on August 29
My Dad died on March 29.
I wonder if that means anything or it's just an odd coincidence.
Still I miss you Mom. There should not be tears left, but there are.
If you still have your mom here, hug her tight for me today.
Thursday, August 29, 2019
Tuesday, July 30, 2019
Recovery
So... NOT doing as well as I had hoped and I have pt twice a week. This has been hampered by a WICKED case of vertigo.
UGH
Going to therapy in a bit. Think good thoughts. My knee is super tight. I have been working on it, but I think I need to do more than I have. I need a COACH!!!
Slightly dizzy and SUPER cranky- pain and lack of sleep will do that to me. I am hoping that I improved a BIT since last week.
On the PLUS side, I have lost six pounds....
More thoughts later on being stir crazy and the lack of intelligent commercials!
UGH
Going to therapy in a bit. Think good thoughts. My knee is super tight. I have been working on it, but I think I need to do more than I have. I need a COACH!!!
Slightly dizzy and SUPER cranky- pain and lack of sleep will do that to me. I am hoping that I improved a BIT since last week.
On the PLUS side, I have lost six pounds....
More thoughts later on being stir crazy and the lack of intelligent commercials!
Monday, July 22, 2019
Staples and other post surgical adventures
I am sitting here, waiting on my primary care dr who was supposed to call me at 9. She's either late, or had blown me off. Can I charge HER for the missed appointment?
Seeing the surgeon today. They are going to take out the staples. I have too many to count, they look icky. As I recall this doesn't really hurt. I just want them OUT so I can move on to the next phase.
Yes I am doing my PT. Yes, it hurts, but I need to be able to SIT more than 20 minutes without needing to get up or ice it.
Some things just take time.
Apparently Norco gives you hallucinations. Who knew? ( everyone else!) I was seeing pink trees on the ceiling and had a nice convo with both my mother and my father ( although those MIGHT have been visits) I know I am hallucinating. It's not fun. I never understood the appeal of hallucinogens,
The surgery and aftercare went well and I came home the day after. Chris has been wonderful. I worry about HIM.
Keep a good thought for me around 2 pm when they take the staples out!
Seeing the surgeon today. They are going to take out the staples. I have too many to count, they look icky. As I recall this doesn't really hurt. I just want them OUT so I can move on to the next phase.
Yes I am doing my PT. Yes, it hurts, but I need to be able to SIT more than 20 minutes without needing to get up or ice it.
Some things just take time.
Apparently Norco gives you hallucinations. Who knew? ( everyone else!) I was seeing pink trees on the ceiling and had a nice convo with both my mother and my father ( although those MIGHT have been visits) I know I am hallucinating. It's not fun. I never understood the appeal of hallucinogens,
The surgery and aftercare went well and I came home the day after. Chris has been wonderful. I worry about HIM.
Keep a good thought for me around 2 pm when they take the staples out!
Tuesday, July 9, 2019
Surgical thoughts
today is the day. Am I scared? YOU BET, but as the song says "It's ok to feel afraid, but don't let that stand in your way" He's talking about love, but you really can apply that wisdom to just about any endeavor in your life.
I am off work for six weeks. I have to stay HOME for two. So... if you are so inclined, PLEASE call me and come and see me- don't come by without calling, apparently they are giving me serious Norco and I might be totally gorked out in the bedroom...
I have books I may need more but I don't know. I have food- we bought a TON of easy to make stuff for Chris to try his cooking skills on ( he CAN cook)
I appreciate the good thoughts and prayers and encouragement. I am still having people tell me horror stories and I REALLY think that is counter-productive, to say the least.
I will be in Kaiser Pan City overnight. It's an afternoon surgery and a LONG one, so keep me in your thoughts around 2 pm today.
I've got this- and will have a dandy scar to show my grandsons ( yes there will be two of them in November- Heaven help Gogo!)
I am off work for six weeks. I have to stay HOME for two. So... if you are so inclined, PLEASE call me and come and see me- don't come by without calling, apparently they are giving me serious Norco and I might be totally gorked out in the bedroom...
I have books I may need more but I don't know. I have food- we bought a TON of easy to make stuff for Chris to try his cooking skills on ( he CAN cook)
I appreciate the good thoughts and prayers and encouragement. I am still having people tell me horror stories and I REALLY think that is counter-productive, to say the least.
I will be in Kaiser Pan City overnight. It's an afternoon surgery and a LONG one, so keep me in your thoughts around 2 pm today.
I've got this- and will have a dandy scar to show my grandsons ( yes there will be two of them in November- Heaven help Gogo!)
Friday, July 5, 2019
Happy Independence Day
It's the 4th of July and as I get myself ready to go out and watch the local parade in my small town ( NOTHING says Happy 4th like the red-white and blue-goat) I am thinking about the meaning of this holiday.
It's NO secret how I feel about the current occupant of the White House. I am especially appalled at his hijacking of a National Holiday for a thinly disguised campaign rally that ALL of us are paying for. I understand his party still owes about 7 million for his poorly attended inauguration.
I am thinking about my childhood here in the San Fernando Valley. A child of parents from "the Greatest Generation" I was raised with a fierce patriotism. I still get a lump in my throat when the flag passes by, remembering the sacrifices in WWII. I understand people who don't get the same feeling and applaud their right to speak out on the matter. Freedom allows us to have differences of opinion and to discuss these differences to effect change ( however if you think taking children from their parents and putting them in cages is a good idea,well, I will have to rethink our association)
We barbecues and lit sparklers and we kids all played with one another. I was blessed to live in a multicultural neighborhood and we all hung out together.
I grew up singing patriotic songs and learned some of the protest songs of the WPA. I still think Woody Guthrie's "This Land is your Land" is one of the finest "patriotic" songs I have ever sung.
To me, being a "patriot" does not mean "my Country right or wrong" but "my Country needs to be the best place for all people who love it" Maybe I'm not saying this right, but my earliest American Myers ancestor was with Washington at Valley Forge. I don't think he slept in a tent in the snow so rich people like Donald Trump and Mitch McConnell could get righter and put children in cages and somehow justify that. Isn't tyranny what they fought against? Whatever happened to "Give me your tire, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free"? Only if you look like the Ruling Class I suppose...
It's NO secret how I feel about the current occupant of the White House. I am especially appalled at his hijacking of a National Holiday for a thinly disguised campaign rally that ALL of us are paying for. I understand his party still owes about 7 million for his poorly attended inauguration.
I am thinking about my childhood here in the San Fernando Valley. A child of parents from "the Greatest Generation" I was raised with a fierce patriotism. I still get a lump in my throat when the flag passes by, remembering the sacrifices in WWII. I understand people who don't get the same feeling and applaud their right to speak out on the matter. Freedom allows us to have differences of opinion and to discuss these differences to effect change ( however if you think taking children from their parents and putting them in cages is a good idea,well, I will have to rethink our association)
We barbecues and lit sparklers and we kids all played with one another. I was blessed to live in a multicultural neighborhood and we all hung out together.
I grew up singing patriotic songs and learned some of the protest songs of the WPA. I still think Woody Guthrie's "This Land is your Land" is one of the finest "patriotic" songs I have ever sung.
To me, being a "patriot" does not mean "my Country right or wrong" but "my Country needs to be the best place for all people who love it" Maybe I'm not saying this right, but my earliest American Myers ancestor was with Washington at Valley Forge. I don't think he slept in a tent in the snow so rich people like Donald Trump and Mitch McConnell could get righter and put children in cages and somehow justify that. Isn't tyranny what they fought against? Whatever happened to "Give me your tire, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free"? Only if you look like the Ruling Class I suppose...
Thursday, June 27, 2019
America Concert June 21
It was my birthday this weekend and my husband got tickets to see my favorite band- America- at the ACE hotel which is around the corner from my work. We left my car at my office and Lyfted ( is that a word?) over to the venue.
We were WAY too early.
We got tacos at this little stand and people watched for a bit. There were no shops to go into, so we went into the bar at the venue, Best Girl, and went upstairs for dessert and coffee.
Did I mention I am allergic to nuts?
We carefully looked at the menu to see which desserts I could actually eat. The lovely chocolate thing had.. NUTS. I ordered a machiato ( VERY bitter) and a Laphroaig . A quick story about why. Years ago, I was visiting a friend and her then-boyfriend and her landlord were sitting on the deck with a bottle between them, discussing how good this whiskey was. Although they invited me to join them at the table, they did not offer me any as they continued to drink it and discuss it. I did not know either of them well enough to ask for any and I suppose they didn't think a woman would want any - I did. So I tried it , it's a nice addition to what I will 'call" if I am in a bar with no Bushmills.
We decided on the berries and cream, as it was the only thing that did not say it had nuts. When it came, even in the murky dark of the upstairs bar, I could see... something sprinkled over the top of the dish. "what is that?" I asked Chris He tasted "peanuts I think" he said. Now I know peanuts are not strictly nuts but they are in my allergy group, so we put the dish at the far edge of the table and waited for the waiter. He was nice and attentive but super busy. Finally he came. He said he would ask. He came back and said no, there were no nuts in the dish. We asked him to take a look. Aha! He went again and yes, someone had put pistachios in the dish. He asked if I had eaten any. No, I am very careful. He offered to leave it so Chris could eat it . We sent it back, Chris can't kiss me if he has been eating nuts!
The replacement dessert came, without nuts,it was yummy but the whole thing was super expensive. Still it was my birthday..
We went into the venue and got in line for merch. I bought TWO t-shirts, a sticker for my car and the cd for Andy Barr's new band "Formerly Alien" who opened the show. Saw Andy ( who I have seen a number of times when I used to be able to see Matt's bands, something I need to remedy) He sweetly pretended to remember me. he's a nice kid.
We ran into a fellow fan, Bob, and chatted. The venue itself is a gorgeous Spanish Revival theater. Our seats were great. There were a few issues as to where "Wheels" my rolling walker could go. I actually had to WALK down the sloping aisle to place him safely out of harms way and toddle back UP. At MOST theaters. they offer to help you with it. Honestly, it was if they had never encountered a disabled person. When I went to use the "powder room" at intermission, I was confronted by a staircase. hmmm I asked the usher how I could use a restroom. He seem... confused by the request and finally sent me down a hallway to another employee who let me out a back door and into the same restaurant we had just been in. Ok then
The show... Formerly Alien opened and they have such lovely voices, I really enjoyed the harmonies. They began with an acapella version of "There's a place for us" from West Side Story. They are a band with a shtick, for lack of a better word. the whole premise is that it is 2069 and the Earth has been destroyed. We are all on a spaceship, looking for a planet that we can live on. The band is the entertainment in the Ship's lounge. You get all this bit by bit and I think it would be better if they could start the show with some kind of newsreel type video to bring you into the story, so you are in on what they are talking about. I kind of knew, but some people are clueless.
I enjoyed them.
Now for my rant. When you go to the theater, if you are LATE, you are seated at an appropriate pause in the show. People were staggering in with their drinks and their popcorn, talking as if nothing was going on on the stage, not only for the opening act, but for the headliner. I was miffed. Seriously YOU are so important that you need to disturb other peoples enjoyment? The girls to the left of us sat down then rearranged their seating order. No one seemed concerned that they were blocking anyone while they did all of this.
I have been trying to "enjoy the moment" Chris says I need to work on being in the Now. So I did . I tried to just watch the show. Even thought there was an announcement not to, almost everyone around me had their phones out, recording. WHY would you want to watch the show via your tiny screen rather than the real thing??
The show was great but I honestly don't think their soundguy does a great job. The sound on "Drivin'" was muddy as a puddle. The vocals disappeared. I LIKE that song. I kinda wanted to HEAR it.
It is always a treat to watch Rich Campbell, their bass-player extraordinaire. At one point, I turned to Chris and said "Rich is so freaking cool" Their new guitar player was awesome. Steve Fekete was fun to watch and a terrific addition to the show.
The show ended too soon and I paid the price for my enthusiasm that night and the next day. Pain level? Intense.
I am getting my new knee on July 9. It's gonna be awesome and I will be able to rock and roll on ONE good knee soon!
We were WAY too early.
We got tacos at this little stand and people watched for a bit. There were no shops to go into, so we went into the bar at the venue, Best Girl, and went upstairs for dessert and coffee.
Did I mention I am allergic to nuts?
We carefully looked at the menu to see which desserts I could actually eat. The lovely chocolate thing had.. NUTS. I ordered a machiato ( VERY bitter) and a Laphroaig . A quick story about why. Years ago, I was visiting a friend and her then-boyfriend and her landlord were sitting on the deck with a bottle between them, discussing how good this whiskey was. Although they invited me to join them at the table, they did not offer me any as they continued to drink it and discuss it. I did not know either of them well enough to ask for any and I suppose they didn't think a woman would want any - I did. So I tried it , it's a nice addition to what I will 'call" if I am in a bar with no Bushmills.
We decided on the berries and cream, as it was the only thing that did not say it had nuts. When it came, even in the murky dark of the upstairs bar, I could see... something sprinkled over the top of the dish. "what is that?" I asked Chris He tasted "peanuts I think" he said. Now I know peanuts are not strictly nuts but they are in my allergy group, so we put the dish at the far edge of the table and waited for the waiter. He was nice and attentive but super busy. Finally he came. He said he would ask. He came back and said no, there were no nuts in the dish. We asked him to take a look. Aha! He went again and yes, someone had put pistachios in the dish. He asked if I had eaten any. No, I am very careful. He offered to leave it so Chris could eat it . We sent it back, Chris can't kiss me if he has been eating nuts!
The replacement dessert came, without nuts,it was yummy but the whole thing was super expensive. Still it was my birthday..
We went into the venue and got in line for merch. I bought TWO t-shirts, a sticker for my car and the cd for Andy Barr's new band "Formerly Alien" who opened the show. Saw Andy ( who I have seen a number of times when I used to be able to see Matt's bands, something I need to remedy) He sweetly pretended to remember me. he's a nice kid.
We ran into a fellow fan, Bob, and chatted. The venue itself is a gorgeous Spanish Revival theater. Our seats were great. There were a few issues as to where "Wheels" my rolling walker could go. I actually had to WALK down the sloping aisle to place him safely out of harms way and toddle back UP. At MOST theaters. they offer to help you with it. Honestly, it was if they had never encountered a disabled person. When I went to use the "powder room" at intermission, I was confronted by a staircase. hmmm I asked the usher how I could use a restroom. He seem... confused by the request and finally sent me down a hallway to another employee who let me out a back door and into the same restaurant we had just been in. Ok then
The show... Formerly Alien opened and they have such lovely voices, I really enjoyed the harmonies. They began with an acapella version of "There's a place for us" from West Side Story. They are a band with a shtick, for lack of a better word. the whole premise is that it is 2069 and the Earth has been destroyed. We are all on a spaceship, looking for a planet that we can live on. The band is the entertainment in the Ship's lounge. You get all this bit by bit and I think it would be better if they could start the show with some kind of newsreel type video to bring you into the story, so you are in on what they are talking about. I kind of knew, but some people are clueless.
I enjoyed them.
Now for my rant. When you go to the theater, if you are LATE, you are seated at an appropriate pause in the show. People were staggering in with their drinks and their popcorn, talking as if nothing was going on on the stage, not only for the opening act, but for the headliner. I was miffed. Seriously YOU are so important that you need to disturb other peoples enjoyment? The girls to the left of us sat down then rearranged their seating order. No one seemed concerned that they were blocking anyone while they did all of this.
I have been trying to "enjoy the moment" Chris says I need to work on being in the Now. So I did . I tried to just watch the show. Even thought there was an announcement not to, almost everyone around me had their phones out, recording. WHY would you want to watch the show via your tiny screen rather than the real thing??
The show was great but I honestly don't think their soundguy does a great job. The sound on "Drivin'" was muddy as a puddle. The vocals disappeared. I LIKE that song. I kinda wanted to HEAR it.
It is always a treat to watch Rich Campbell, their bass-player extraordinaire. At one point, I turned to Chris and said "Rich is so freaking cool" Their new guitar player was awesome. Steve Fekete was fun to watch and a terrific addition to the show.
The show ended too soon and I paid the price for my enthusiasm that night and the next day. Pain level? Intense.
I am getting my new knee on July 9. It's gonna be awesome and I will be able to rock and roll on ONE good knee soon!
Tuesday, June 25, 2019
I should be writing
I used to define myself as a writer, but to be a writer, you actually have to stop what you are doing and put words on the page.
Alas, I have been distracted, tired or just too uninspired to write anything.
The current political climate scares the bejesus out of me and I don't want to be sucked down into the morass of daily complaining and whining. I want action about this country, but I am not sure what. We need change. These are scary times and I fear for the whole planet, not just my little patch of the Foothills
I have been enjoined NOT to write too much about my grandson- and the one who will join the family this fall.
I am trying NOT to obsess about the upcoming surgery, but people keep telling me horror stories. To save time here in future convos:
Alas, I have been distracted, tired or just too uninspired to write anything.
The current political climate scares the bejesus out of me and I don't want to be sucked down into the morass of daily complaining and whining. I want action about this country, but I am not sure what. We need change. These are scary times and I fear for the whole planet, not just my little patch of the Foothills
I have been enjoined NOT to write too much about my grandson- and the one who will join the family this fall.
I am trying NOT to obsess about the upcoming surgery, but people keep telling me horror stories. To save time here in future convos:
- yes, I know it will hurt
- yes, i Know PT is important
- yes, I know PT will hurt
- No, I don't want to hear about the terrible thing that happened to your aunt's cousin' sister's hairstylist
Pleas just tell me I will be ok. Offer to visit me bring me snacks. This is daunting enough without any "advice".
I just turned 61 on Sunday. SIXTY-ONE How the heck did THAT happen?? Time marches on, as the saying goes.
So today, I will sing in the car on my way to work, try not to let the stresses of the day knock me flat, try more to live in the moment ( more on that if I ever get the review of the concert we went to on Friday, I have a rant and a rave in my head)
Peace.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)