January 15

 

Today we celebrate the life of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.  We think of him as the voice of the Civil Rights Movement, although many others spoke, Dr. King, with his ministerial eloquence was the voice that resonated most.

It got him murdered.

 I was ten years old when he was shot in Memphis.  His death began a discussion among my fourth-grade peers, as the question I was asking myself and others was “how would I feel if I couldn’t do what other people do, simply because of the color of my skin?”   A simple child’s question but one I still think is valid.

How would you feel if you couldn’t do what other people do because of your:

Race

Creed

Sex or sexual identity.

 

They say we “cherry-pick” his words, but as a ten-year old, living in a thankfully diverse community, these words resonated best with me:

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

As a child, I could see that vision clearly.  As an adult I still cling to that dream.  Do I have pre-programmed biases. Yes, Yes I do, but I do my best to recognize them and dismiss them I remember what I heard once; “Your first thought is what you have been taught, the second is who you are”  I feel better about the way my brain sometimes works, because my second thought is usually WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT???

I have only read snippets of his Letter from Birmingham Jail and recently read how the bits and pieces were smuggled out of the jail and assembled by his staff.  When I can dedicate the proper amount of time to it, I plan to read it.  It is 27 pages, but the depth of his words must be taken in slowly, savored and considered.

But on this day, I will celebrate his success and think about what must be done to keep those who would destroy his work and legacy.

Enough

 

I just finished reading the Cassidy Hutchinson book “Enough” It took me a long time and I have no idea why.  The book is well written and compelling. She takes you from her days as a young starry-eyed employee to the end of the term.  We learn about her childhood (spoiler alert, her father is a rat). She consistently states that she is still a Republican in belief of what the party USED to say were their core values.  She also says she will do everything she can to keep him from taking power again.  This is someone who had close proximity to him.  She knows what he will do the next time around.

The book is worth a read. I doubt it will change anyone’s mind, however.  I placed a hold on the book by Bob Woodward “the Last of the President’s Men:  a book she says gave her the courage to tell the truth and I do believe her.  She knew her career would be over after she said what she said.

I believe her.  I admire her courage and her conviction that she was serving the people of this country, not the former guy.  I live in guarded hope that we will not reelect him, but we need to be prepared for whatever shenanigans he and his henchmen cook up.

Frankly, given his predilection to junk food, I am rooting for the cheeseburger.

 

Poem

 Here goes

I wanted to sleep in

But my nightmares

had other ideas

Waking me

Screaming 

 into the pre-dawn darkness

heart pounding

mouth dry

I cannot remember the dream

only the terror.

and being afraid

to ever sleep again

Trying my hand at Haiku

 

I went to a poetry reading in my neighborhood.  The cool thing is all kinds of poets, reading all kinds of poetry and being supportive.  We talked about, among other things, Haiku

One woman said she loved Haiku because she was an accountant, and it was all about numbers.  I suppose that is one way to approach it.  Unlike the woman who tried to tell me how to write (which I , in my petty little mind equated with her telling me how to feel, which NEVER goes over well. Ask my Ex about THAT) I smiled and bit my tongue.  Who am I to tell anyone how or what to write?  Art is an extension of who YOU are and to try to cram that creativity into a box is just wrong.  I stopped painting when my second-grade teacher criticized my painting because it had words in it. Who KNEW I was a trendsetter in text art?  I could have had a career!  Thanks Mrs. Gnotta!

Anyway, the conversation sent me back to a book-talk by Mystery writer and haikuist (is that a word?) Dale Furutani.  He explained something like the first and second lines form one thought and the second and third, another.  Almost always, haiku has a reference to nature so

I cannot recall
what toppings he said he liked
to be on pizza

Follows the form but is not a traditional haiku.  Is it a poem?  Well anything can be a poem if you think it is, but you won't see this in Poetry Quarterly  any time soon.

I decided to try to write a poem, following what I seem to remember Mr. Furutani said about it.

 

the moon is hung low
in the early autumn sky
silver clouds drift past

 

It's a start.  I am going to try to write other haiku, and build that muscle.

 

Is there a "right" way to create?

 Last night, I stepped outside my comfort zone and went to a poetry reading that had an open mic.  I read two of my poems.  I will post one of them later in this blog.

At the end of the evening, I was approached by a woman who I am fairly certain was not in the room when I read.  She will be the feature reader next month and is an accomplished poet.  She overheard a conversation I was having with someone else and began to "school" me on the right way to write.  My process is my process.  I tried to be kind and thank her for her input ( she went as far to suggest I write using my feet- ok then, if that works for YOU, but that's a no from me.)  She sternly told me I should not use my mind when I write.  Well That maybe YOUR process, but mine is something I have been honing since I was seven and started writing.  I just open my mind and my heart and... go.

The conversation unnerved me to the point I am asking anyone who writes to answer this question:

Do you write with your head and heart  or  with your feet?

I honestly don't know if the woman were speaking in metaphor or she actually thought I could grip a pencil in my toes or type with them.

Most of my poetry is free verse, but I think I will play around with haiku ( there are serious format instructions and it's not just counting syllables, I have to revisit the format)  

Here's the poem I read.  It was well received, as far as I can tell ( I was nervous)

Grief Part 2

There are no more tears left

You want to scream

or drive

or slit your wrists

But you don't

Instead

You 

Cook a meal you don't eat

Play music you don't hear

Sit in the dark

Knees drawn to your chest

and wait for day to come

The poem is a reaction to a number of issues that have hit me and although I wrote  the base of it a while ago, recent events made it worth revisiting.   Poetry is healing, shared pain releases it to the ether.

I am going to keep writing, with my mind and my heart.  I think I will keep my feet out of the equation. 

Foot update

 FINALLY saw the podiatrist this week.  Nothing broken ( yeah it's been five weeks so probably healed!) but nerve damage.  She gave me a boot, crutches and an appointment in four weeks.

She also prescribed some over-the-counter meds to help with the pain, so I trouped over to the pharmacy to get them.  As is custom, they had me talk to the pharmacist.  She held up the lidocaine and started telling me I should have a bowel movement before I applied it.  I was understandably confused- what does my tush have to do with my foot.  She stopped, seeing the look on my face.  "It's my FOOT" I said  "oh" she said, turns out the pharmacy clerk had grabbed what they had which is usually for your tush.  She said it would work on my foot.

Ok then.

The foot hurts. Bending the toes hurts.  Time will heal it.  Nerve damage is slow, but I can deal with it.

Biden "crime" Family- or every accusation is a confession.

 I've been thinking about politics and the whole Biden impeachment thing over the past few days.   I do not worship at the alter of Joe Biden, I think he's doing a fairly good job, given all the bad behavior from Republicans ( I think if Joe said "breathing is good for you, the Free-dumb Caucus would hold their breath.)  It's stupid and pointless and like a group of toddlers are holding us hostage.

I love how the guy Kevin put in charge of the investigation says "We have nothing right now but we will keep digging toll we find something."  Maybe Joe eats his peas with honey ( Dudley Doo-right was drummed out the Mounties for that offense)  They are looking for something - ANYTHING- that will create a false equivalency to their God Trump being impeached twice.  It's the BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BEGHAZI tactic as well as "her emails"   Trump is calling the shots and they are licking his shoes.

Look, IF  and I say IF Biden did something illegal, like oh.. say.. withheld money that was appropriated to a foreign  government until they did him a "favor"  or  oh... I don't know.. had such a temper tantrum about losing that he called on his followers to overthrow the government, I would be down with whatever punishment was merited.  But they don't even KNOW what they are looking for.

Your tax dollars at work.

Instead of finding a common ground to keep our government running, those 15 or so people are holding us all hostage to their (really Trump's) whims.

Can someone explain to me how that idiot Tommy Tuberville can hold up military appointments because he doesn't like a policy?  I don't know if he is a Russian operative or just a dumbass.

I see Hunter is pushing back and suing the IRS.  Good for him.  He is being targeted because they can't find anything on Joe and they want to hurt Joe's re-election prospects.  It's a thing.  Remember Roger Clinton- Bill's Brother?  Remember Jimmy Carter's brother Billy ( Billy Beer anyone?) If you can't find anything on the President, you smear their family with a nudge-nudge-wink-wink.

Which leads me to the "Crime Family" moniker that Trump has going for Biden.  I dunno, but Biden's family hasn't been :

• Forbidden from running a charity in the State of New York
• Sued for false promises in a University Scam
• Committed felony tax fraud (Hunter's is a Misdemeanor, if I am reading this right)

There are other things.  Why aren't they crawling up Jared Kirschner's backside for the deal with the Saudis?  Tit for tat.  

In all of this, I am thinking about Beau Biden.  His death really changed everything. Bear with me:

If Beau does not die at the end of the Obama Presidency, then Joe runs for President, not Hillary.  He would have won handily- the reason a lot of people didn't vote for Hillary was simply that she was a woman.  The pandemic would have been addressed, not ignored because he "like his numbers the way that they were".  Perhaps Russia would not have felt emboldened enough to attack Ukraine.  But he did die and none of this came to pass.

Still, I remain hopeful as some Republicans are slowly getting off the Trump Train to Nowhere.  Is Biden perfect?  No, heck no.  But he's a damn site better than the Orange Menace.