Election dreams

Last night I dreamed about my grandmother who was a suffragist.  She reminded me in my dream that women have had the vote for not quite 100 years and this year we need to get the women to the polls.  "It's important" she said.  "Women will be the key"  I hope so.

I look at what is being offered to the American people and I am afraid.  I think the Democrats have a nice crop of candidates and I am comfortable with either of the two front-runners and their ability to lead this country. Looking at what I call the Republican Clown car, however, I am terrified.

I cannot understand anyone who is not an old white man voting for Donald Trump.  The man is a menace.  His arrogance is shocking and his bigotry is CELEBRATED by his minions.  I wonder if he's paying them.  Somehow, I think his campaign is a BIG joke on the American public and he will pull out of the whole thing before he can be elected.  THEN he can make money selling his brand of crazy even more than if he were president.   I feel sorry for his wife.Apparently, she is a smart woman, but he drags her around like an inflatable doll and refers to her as a  "young, beautiful piece of ass".  She needs to pull a Marla Maples on him.  I believe Marla found someone more to her liking and split from the Donald.  Or take a page from Ivana's book "don't get even, get everything"  I see there was a "white pride" rally in California today sponsored by the KKK.  Who let those jerks in the state?  They are invoking Donald and his racists rants.  We need to put an end to this nonsense.  We need to vote.

The recent Republican debate made me burst into that song from the 80's "The Curly Shuffle" Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk.  THESE people, name calling and finger pointing without any sort of debate-worthy discussion, want to LEAD THIS COUNTRY?  They can't think their way out of a paper bag.  Ben Carson?   I don't think he was even in the room. When they asked him a direct question he went off on a a tangent about his hands.  They all make me wish for the shifty-eyed political manipulations of Richard Milhous Nixon, and I HATED Nixon.

I truly wish the Republicans had someone with a plan that could be discussed.  Trump is going to build a wall between the US and Mexico.  Yeah. Does anyone see a wall running the whole of California, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas?   Mexico isn't going to pony up.  He's "going to make them pay for it"   Laughable, or it would be if some of his followers didn't truly believe that will happen.  Marco Rubio changes his mind more than he changes his tie.  Eduardo Cruz may not even qualify for the presidency.  Wasn't he born in Canada? Where are all the "birthers" on him?  "His mother was a US Citizen"  well if THAT is the argument, then so was Barrack Obama's mother when she gave birth to him- in HAWAII, which is a state of the Union.  Even so, his branch of "my way or the Highway" Christianity, with his father who is as crazy as a bedbug as his "adviser" should be enough to warn most of us off him.  His religion works for HIM, and that's just fine. It's when he wants us all to believe it or else that I have an issue.  There's a well circulated  meme, featuring Maggie Smith, that says "Religion is like a penis.  It's nice to have one, but when you take it out and wave it in my face we have a problem."  I couldn't agree more.

 I saw that Raven Symone saying she will leave the country "if any Republican gets nominated" Now, I believe she meant ELECTED, but if she didn't ( and I don't watch The View) SOMEONE needs to gently explain the system to her.  Maybe all those years with Bill Cosby turned her brain to Jello Pudding.  I don't think she is one of the best minds of her generation.  If she is, the next generation is in real trouble,

People talk about leaving this country if  so-and-so gets elected.  I am not leaving here, but I will  be very disappointed and somewhat frightened if one of the Republican candidates is elected.

I'm sick of being sick and tired of being tired

so...  Guess where I was yesterday?  Kaiser.  Again.  I have had a cold and because I am asthmatic and I am wheezing, my husband insisted I go to the doctor.  I told him it was just a cold, but I suppose I wanted to be sure it wasn't defaulting to bronchitis as it has in the past so I went.

I saw a doctor who despite the fact that I could hear myself wheezing, pronounced my lungs "clear" and then went over my meds.  She castigated me for taking the meds prescribed by TWO other doctors for my osteoarthritis pain.  Why do they do that?  Talk to the doctors who are giving me the meds if you have a problem with what they are giving me..  Don't yell at ME for it.  Sheesh.  This is the second time one doctor yelled at ME for something another doctor did.  The last time, it was a request for additional tests.  I'm NOT A FREAKING DOCTOR, how do I know what is and isn't necessary?  Yes, I am aware of the side effects of the medication but the BIG side effect is I can walk.   I take it sparingly and not every day.

Her diagnosis?  I have a cold.  I need to - as the old commercial goes "rest in bed, drink plenty of fluids and take Tylenol for pain"  I am taking alka-seltzer plus and NyQuil- Not together but you get the idea.

On a brighter note.  I have lost seven pounds.

Books and Blogs and volunteering

So I picked up a book and read it just because of the title.  The book was "Sister Golden Hair". If you know me, you know I am a BIG fan of the band "America'.  I love their music.  It makes me happy.  Deal with it.  For a while, my husband played in a metal band and the metalheads kind of made fun of me for being a folkie. Here's the deal.  You like what kind of music you like, what speaks to you, comforts you and gives your imagination wings.  It's been a long time, maybe never actually, that I felt the need to be considered "cool" by changing my tastes to fit the in-crowd.  Cool has always been being comfortable in my own skin and for the most part I am.  There ARE days I wish I were less.. me, but there I am.  I am 57 years old.  A major shift in personality is not something I am going to work on at this stage of the game.   Anyway, back to the book.  It's about a girl who is a teenager in Roanoke Virginia in the early 1970's   I kept waiting for the song to show up in the book; Jesse is a BIG Cher fan and considers her a goddess, even praying to her at some point.   She is a Bowie fan and the town has a big Lynyrd  Skynyrd  following.  Since they did not really come onto the music scene since way after the book begins in 1972 I had a problem with it.  But the song "Sister Golden Hair" is NEVER mentioned.  It never comes on the radio when she is up in her room late at night nor when she is riding in cars with boys.  Not once.   I was a bit miffed.  I have no idea why THAT is the title of the book.  I suppose Jesse is a blonde, but although she talks obsessively about hot rollers, she never mentions the color of her hair.  It wasn't a great book, but it was a book on cd and it kept me company when I drove out to my daughter's house this week. Do I recommend it?  No. There were some glaring errors in timeline and I kept trying to reconcile what year she said it was with the "history" and fashion she kept dropping in.  Maybe my memory is faulty, but the author should have fact checked stuff before relying on her memory for important details.

I haven't been writing and now that things are back on sort of an even keel and there will be a major change in my life I will be trying once again to work on the craft of writing.  NO I am not retiring- yet and no, Kate is not pregnant.  There will be a change that will happen in the next few weeks and I will talk about it after I have gotten everyone who needs to be on board with this, or at least informed.  Time to make a change ( as the America song goes)  I looked back over this blog and have seen that I am dissolving into a whiner.  Sometimes the pissing and moaning help me to realize something, but frankly it gets old.  I need to think more about things that are going on and maybe try to be a bit more philosophical or at least reasonable about them.  Except Donald Trump.  Never going to be reasonable about him.  He scares me.  His hate and vitriol are not good for this country and I truly hope whoever is elected will be a diplomat with brains, not a loud mouth with hair and a slick marketing agency behind him.  There is a Jackson Browne song that says "They sell us the President the same way they sell us our clothes and our cars"  True.  I often quote rather obscure song lyrics to make my point.  Sometimes the singer-songwriters whose music speaks to me are like the modern day equivalent of philosophers, except Kanye West who is an idiot.  His recent begging for money from Mark Zuckerberg is laughable.  He begs for help from one side of his mouth and with the other goes on a rant about how he hates white people.  What a racist jerk.  Maybe he should ask The Donald if he can be his running mate.

I have been thinking about volunteerism and why I do it.  I worked an event recently and the topic came up several times about the idea that people only do this to get some form of public adulation.  I wondered if that was my motivation.  I don't think so, as I often volunteer for stuff and talk about it after the fact, unless I am trying to get people to help me or come to the event.  I get a lot out of it for myself. For the last 12 years, I have been coordinating the last water stop at the LA Marathon.  At first, I was disappointed not to be out there when the winner roars by,  We work the late shift and by the time I start the winner has already signed for the Honda and is in the hospitality suite getting a beer.   The people I see are the real winners; those who have been out there for seven or eight hours just putting one foot in front of the other to get to the finish line.  These people inspire me more than an elite runner who does this for a living ever could.  Their struggle to finish can be a mantra for my life.  Just keep moving and you will get there.

Superbowl music

My mom used to watch football games for the halftime show.  Every year it tries harder to top the last year.  This year.. meh

Am I the only person on the planet who is not enamored of Beyonce Knowles?   She leaves me cold.  I get a vibe off of her that is very unpleasant and it colors how I react to her.  In her case, I cannot separate the dancer from the dance and I just don't want to watch her make that "I'm better than you" face at the camera anymore.  Coldplay.   Coldplay????  I was never a big fan and became less so during my divorce all those years ago when my then-husband would play "Clocks" over and over again and cry.   Apparently it was "their song"  ugh.  I wasn't big on Coldplay to begin with.   They seemed ok at the Superbowl, but I stopped paying attention and left the room.  I remember watching bands with interest in the past, this year left me cold. I suppose I missed Bruno Mars, whom I like a lot.  He's always entertaining.  Maybe next year I will be more engaged.

I got into an online debate about the National Anthem.  First, let me say that Lady Gaga did a fine job with it.  I hate that every year, they drag out the Whitney Houston version as the standard.  I may get skewered  for this but.. Whit was LIP-SYNCING to a studio version.  She probably was singing along to her own recording but her mic was off.  Of COURSE it sounded great. She had all those studio takes to choose from and "perform" in front of the crowd.  I am not saying it wasn't a stirring version - and since it was a post-9/11 event patriotism was running higher than ever- but it was still a RECORDING.  I don't know, but it looked like Gaga was doing it live.  I have to fact check it.  The person that I was discussing this with takes exception to anyone doing the version not note-for-note the traditional one.  My argument is that as an artist, you should be able to present your version, as long as you do it with respect and passion.  Remember the Jose Feliciano kerfuffle when he did it  with his own spin?  As long as you are not scratching and spitting while you do it, I say Bravo.  It's not an easy song to sing.  How it became our national anthem is beyond me,but there it is.  I do hate when they sing "the brave" twice at the end.  It's supposed to be some kind of 9/11 tribute, isn't it?  Bugs me just the same.  It's a hard song to sing and I look forward to hearing good singers perform it and although I do have a voice that would sterilize toads at 300 paces I also love to sing along

Weekend update and the week ahead

As usual, I have a lot on my plate and am trying to manage it all.  I keep trying to do less, so yesterday I was a real slug and did almost nothing around here.  If you work like I do all week, the weekend is usually consumed with domestic chores and not much else.  I did get some of the cleaning up done, but the mess monster is overactive here and I still have stuff that is going to bug me until I can get a handle on it.   I  just don't have the energy.

I went to the pulmonologist.   I felt like a freaking hypochondriac as he read - aloud- all the tests I have had in the past year.  Here's why.  I went to my doctor about a year ago , telling her that I was still having trouble breathing .  She had done a test that told her I did NOT have asthma a while ago and had taken me off Qvar, so now she was on the hunt to see what was wrong.  I had heart stress tests, an ultrasound,a cat scan, more blood work than I care to think about and... nothing.  The visit to the emergency room triggered a request FROM ME for a specialist.    Guess what?  I have asthma.  I'm back on the Qvar for now.  I have another ultrasound this morning, as I do have some lung issues, then back to the specialist in six weeks.   Although I am not wild about being on steroids, I figure I will use them until I am under control and talk to my doctor about other options.  I am sure there are some, but the Qvar gets it under control and at least I am not gasping for air all the time.  There is a lot to be said for that.

My next-door neighbor works for ASIFA, who sponsor the Annie awards for animated film.  He invited me to go with him and so on Saturday, I got to go to Royce Hall at UCLA and watch the ceremony.  It was really interesting and I had a good time, hanging out with my friend, Gary.  There were a few unintentionally awkward moments when people assumed our relationship was more than it was; one voice actor stage-whispered to me that he was "a keeper".  I just nodded.  He IS a keeper, just not for me!  I really enjoyed the festivities and now there are a whole bunch of films I need to see. I must admit that I did not see "Inside Out" which was the big winner, I actually only saw one of the nominated films "The Peanuts Movie"  which I liked very much.  The clips made me want to see more- except for  the Leonardo Di Caprio film which won for the CGI bear.  It was too realistic and I don't think I can see that again!  Leo is up for an Oscar for that one.  It was fun to "mingle" with  people who are famous in their craft.  I had no idea who any of them were and we had a long conversation with the lead animator for the Hobbit, mostly talking about how much he loves Los Angeles and the difference between here and New Zealand. "Inside Out" is not on Netflix yet. IS it nominated for an Oscar?  I need to check, but based on how it "ran" the  Annies, I would bet it's a shoe-in to win!

I have a busy week ahead and I am trying to remember to "take small bites"   Stress and asthma have sapped my appetite to the point where I can't even look at food.  Not good and I will do my best to eat something this week, although given my size, it wouldn't hurt me to miss a meal or two!  I am looking ahead to a vacation we have planned in two weeks, which I hope will be relaxing and fun and I can recharge my batteries and figure out what comes next.

Driving with your eyes closed

I have a recurring dream that I am driving but my eyes are stuck closed.  I try to open them, fight to get them open, but they will not budge.  I know if I don't open them, I am going to crash and at some point exhaustion and resignation flood over me.  Sometimes I get my eyes open but sometimes I wake up before I can get them open.  Most of the time, I try to get the car to the side of the road,  all the while struggling to get my eyes open.

I looked it up and of course, the popular "meaning" of the dream is that I am going somewhere but am afraid to see where it is.   The thing is I am fighting like mad in my dream to open my eyes and they are stuck.  It's not like I am blissfully gliding along ( in my dream I am on the freeway)  I know I am going to die if I can't get my eyes open.  Well, THAT is a telling statement isn't it?  The dream itself makes me wonder just what I am struggling to see and  that I must see whatever it is or it may kill me.  Hmmm

It's not my favorite dream.

That dream would be the one where I win the lottery, which apparently hasn't happened yet either.  I enjoy dreams where I can change what is happening, sort of a "choose your own adventure" dream.    When you know you are in a dream state and can change the monster to a fluffy puppy or something like that.  I do that a lot.  I love dreams that are like feature films,  I am in the dream but I am not me at all and it's like acting in a movie.  I know it's not me but I am enjoying playing a part.  I really wish I could remember those dreams better as I think they have the basis of a short story or something.  I wake up happy from those dreams, wishing I could go back to sleep and go back into that world again.

Now the lyrics from the Don Henley song are playing in my head "You're driving with your eyes closed.  You're gonna hit something, that's the way it goes"  I struggle to keep my eyes, both really and figuratively, open today.