Birthday weekend Part 1

Last night, Chris and I went to The Rose in Pasadena  to see my favorite band, America.  The venue is local ( about 20 minutes from our house) AND it was my birthday, so we splurged on the tickets and dinner.

Diner is mandatory if you get a table.  They have some seating that is just chairs and standing room,  which is around $50.  The tables were not as closely spaced together as I had feared and we were seated next to some very nice fans who had never seen the band live before ( how is THAT possible???)  We ordered dinner.  Since it was my birthday and I was NOT driving, I treated myself to a whiskey. They did not have Bushmill's , but as I like to say Jameson's will do in a pinch.  It was Jameson's.

The Rose is run by the same people who run the Canyon Club and The Coach House. With a good seat near the stage you get a table where you MUST spend $25 per person on a dinner plate.  THIS is on TOP of the really inflated ticket price.  I hate places like this, especially since the food is often terrible.  At the Coach House, for instance I got a plate of "Steamed vegetables'  They had to STEAM them to get the ice chips off.  Really they popped the bag of frozen veggies in the microwave then they topped it with margarine. oooh,tasty.  Some reviews said the food at the Rose was pretty good but  I was not excepting much and ordered the vegetable lasagna, figuring they would need to go a long way to f- that up.  I was wrong.  The sauce tasted burned and everything else was suffering from a long stint in the microwave.  I deconstructed it and ate some of it but-- bleh.  Chris got prime rib which was also overnuked.   They also add a 20 % "Service charge" that is NOT the tip to your waitress, but tips "the people in the back of the house."  I really resented that.  They should just charge more for their almost inedible food and bury the cost there.  Our bill was almost the cost of my first car.

The opener was a local girl, Bleu Stroud .  She was sweet with a nice voice.  She did that vocal thing that seems to be super popular, where they stutter over the first letter of the word ; think Taylor Swift.  She has a lot of potential, but she needs to work on her patter a bit.  It was mostly "This song is called________" and a moment to introduce Ryan, who may or may not have been her brother.  Dunno.  She may have been nervous.  We guestimate over 500 in the house.

Before the show I went over to the Merch table to see what they had to offer.  I wanted a new canvas bag and while I was there  I ran into Ryland. They were selling his CD "This Magnificent" and I purchased it.  He graciously signed it for me AND I got a birthday hug- Glynnis  who was at the table with Brynna told him it was my birthday and he offered me a birthday hug.   I will be reviewing that later but they were playing it at the close of the show when they were trying to get the crowd out and I liked what I heard. I will post a separate review later this week when I get a chance to listen to it.  I have an hour each way commute so that affords me the time for a serious listen.

The lights went down and the house speakers began to play "Miniature"   Ok  I got goosebumps.  I was SO excited to see the band.  They started with Tin Man and as usual, Dewey's vocals were buried until about halfway through the song.  The sound was pretty good after that. 

The set was the usual one with TWO delightful additions ( for ME anyway) Monster and Greenhouse.  Greenhouse makes me think of the late Miguel Ferrer who did a wicked version of it the night I saw Bill Mumy's band, the Jenerators.   Fellow America  Fan Kathy and  I shrieked and high-fived. It was awesome.  They covered Eleanor Rigby and California Dreamin.   The bass solo on "Here" ALWAYS makes me appreciate what a wonderful musician Rich Campbell is.  I was paying close attention to the "new kids"  I have a confession here.  I like them, but I have been watching those two "youngsters" since they played in a band with Gerry's son Matt, so I have a bit of a mother hen feeling toward them.  When I first saw Ryland, I think I said he looked like the pizza delivery guy but MAN could he play drums.  My opinion has not changed and he has really grown into the role.  Andy is fun to watch. I still kind of miss Woodsy's impish grin, but Andy was all over the stage and having a good time.   Nice banjo work on "Don't cross the River"

It was too soon before the audience was counting out the final "one two one two three four" start to Sister Golden Hair.  The band was joined for the encore by Hank Linderman , Ryan from the opening act and Noah Wells, who is the lead singer and an amazing fiddle player for the band "The Barefoot Movement"  We ran into Hank outside the venue and I went up to him to speak with him ( for the life of me I can't explain THAT, except maybe the second glass of whiskey had kicked in?)  He invited us to go to McCabe's in Santa Monica to see the Barefoot Movement.  We did, but that's another day and another post!

NO CANCER, so back to work

I realize I haven't written anything and I should have.

I had a lumpectomy last Monday.  In MARCH at my annual mammo, they found "something"  the configuration was not cancerous but suspicious so they had to come out.  Then I got pneumonia and was down for much longer than I thought I should have been.  Apparently I misunderstood my doctor and returned before I should have.  He placed me off work for three weeks- one week before the surgery and two weeks after- presumably for post surgical recovery- but I am feeling better, somewhat antsy here at home, so I am going BACK to work today.

The surgery was weird.  The actual incision doesn't hurt.  The worst part was getting the guide-wire inserted, which they do under a local.  Again they did not give me ENOUGH of the local and I gritted my teeth.  It HURT!  It STILL hurts in that spot.  They gave me a "cocktail" before I went into the OR and I remember them putting the legwarmers on me then.. nothing.  I don't remember them putting me under. I was actually dreaming when I came out of the anesthesia, or at least it felt like dreaming . Like I said, weird.

Chris and Ruth kept me company, then Ruth kept Chris company while they waited.  I think the surgery was about an hour.  I came home the same day and SLEPT.

ON Thursday I got the good news from my surgeon, who told me the results had JUST come in and she wanted me to know right away.  NO CANCER, probably the most beautiful combination of words in the English language.  To say I am relieved is an understatement.  I can breathe again.  I think I have been holding my breath since March.

I will begin a round of going to have a follow up mammo every six months for the next year and 1/2, If I recall correctly.  Small price to pay to make sure there was nothing lurking with the "Somethings"  I have what looks to be a small scar, a badge of honor in the fight against cancer.  Thankfully, there was no cancer there, but who know what would have happened if I had NOT had the mammo.

Get the boobies checked.  It's important.

I go back to work today.  It's been a while. I hope my brain is up to the task!

scars

"Scars are souvenirs you never lose"  As I prepare myself for surgery today to remove the three "Somethings that will be nothing" I am thinking about all the scars I have on my body. The surgeon and I joked about making the one she is going to put on my right breast match the one on my left breast.  I doubt she can but it was and is a good joke.

I have a lot of scars, mostly from surgeries.  There are a few from  misadventures, like the one on my left hand where I slammed my hand in the car door when I was about twelve. I have a scar from the c-section and a lot of little scars from having my gallbladder taken out.  The scar on my left breast, though was one I hid.

In 2006, I went for my first mammogram and the found "something"  I went through the whole series,  more mammos, the biopsy and the surgery.  I had a large somewhat puckering scar at the bottom of my breast.  I was embarrassed by it and hid it when I had cause to be undressed in front of other people.  At some point, I realized that this scar was NOT a scar but a badge.  The "somethings" did not get a chance to be cancer, because of that scar.  The same will go for this scar.  I once met a woman at a pool party who had a wicked deep scar on here left shoulder.  She told people that she had been attacked by a shark. Our eyes must have gotten wide, she laughed and said "cancer"  Scars like that mean we have fought the battle and won.

I am sure that my "somethings" are still nothing and I will come home today and rest.  As I recall, it wasn't a big deal, not any pain really. I am a bit nervous, but not afraid.  I have a wonderful surgeon and Chris will be there for as long as he can.

 I've got this.

Karma, Schadenfreude, revenge and payback

Recently I have gotten into more than one discussion that involved the need to avenge  or "get even" with someone.   It has me thinking about the nature of Karma and vengeance and the difference between the two.

Karma is a concept of Eastern philosophy that states what you did in you past life visits you in this life.  I may be oversimplifying it, but Westerners have adopted karma as "You were mean to me and the universe will get you for it"  It doesn't quite work that way.  People seem to think they can call karma out of the sky like an Old Testament lighting bolt. Again.  No.  You earn your karma in your last life and what is there is here.  You are thinking of revenge.

Now, revenge is a concept as old as time.  I think of TWO Klingon (ha) proverbs.  "When setting out on revenge, first dig two graves" and the most famous "Revenge is a dish best served cold"  Revenge has a way of rebounding on people that the person who is hell-bent on revenge often cannot see if they are blinded by their red heat of rage.  Often, the fallout hurts more people than the intended victim.  Sometimes the intended victim skates by altogether and the person SEEKING the vengeance gets hit.  Mostly it's people around both who are injured by the vengeance and sometimes it takes years to undo the damage.

My husband is always reminding me that the Universe had balance and as surely as the wave must return to the ocean, things go back into balance without our help. I do believe that the Universe has a way of working things out the way they are supposed to be if we just LET it.  This is where the concept of Schadenfreude comes in.  It means Joy from someone else's misery.  It's why we laugh when the bully gets it in the end of the film.  Satisfying.  To be able to stand by and watch the "bad guy" get their just desserts without DOING anything.  Yes. Do I feel somewhat guilty in that pleasure?  Why yes I do, but it IS human nature and I am going with it.

In a conversation with a friend from elementary school about a teacher who terrorized him and whom he would like to punch in the face ( apparently this particular teacher had a LOT of people who hated him because he was a bully, I looked him up on a website and saw at least ONE more person who after almost 50 years STILL had the desire for revenge)  I told my friend something that I really believe; Living well is the BEST revenge. The way to get "Even" is to pull ahead.  People who want to drag you down cannot stand it when you are just out there, doing your thing DESPITE them.  Eliminate people from your life who want to drag you down and LIVE

Robert Kennedy

June 6, 1968.  I got up in the morning to my mother listening to the radio, as we did every morning.  We listened to KMPC Los Angeles.  I remember Gary Owens was one of the jockey's but they had sketch comedy and popular music in the morning. My mother and I would often giggle over the bad puns. My mother was staring at the little beige radio on the counter.  She was crying. She said that when she turned on the radio that she misunderstood when the announcer said that RFK was "Shot"  she thought he was just tired.  Now she understood that he had BEEN shot and was dead.  My parents were Kennedy Democrats. Losing Bobby, after losing JFK was too much for my mother.  We talked about it, I  am sure.  I was weeks away from turning ten and was something of a political child.  I am sure I wondered who would lead us , now that Bobby was gone.

I read recently that RFK's assassination resulted in giving the US Nixon.  The Democrats were forced to go with Hubert Humphrey, not exactly a dynamic man or a ball of fire and after Bobby, well the party could not get it together enough to beat the Republicans.   Had Bobby lived and been elected, I like to think the world would have been a better place.  There is a lot of talk about his plans for Vietnam, but I am more interested in his initial platform that would have addressed civil rights, hunger, poverty and education in this country.  The thing that makes me sick when I think about it it the prevailing idea that those people who live in poverty or hunger in this country somehow deserve it.  The Republican party has never ( and please don't cite Lincoln,his party was "Republican" in name only their policies do not reflect current values).

I had lunch once at the Ambassador hotel, sometime in the late 80's before they razed most of it and turned it into a High School.  The place was deserted and shabby.  Frankly the ghosts int he room were enough to make me uneasy.  I heard an interview with the busboy where he said Bobby asked him "Is everyone else alright?  I wondered if that were a fiction, designed to rise his star one final time.  A part of me hopes it is true.

Sweetness

I have been doing a lot of kvetching in my blog lately.  I blame the prednisone.  It makes me feel irritable and agitated.   I HATE this but am almost done with it. so YA me.  I am off trying to get rest. I am reading a really good book "A House among the Trees" by Julia Glass.  I like her style and will look into her other books when I am done with this one. Part of my plan is to sit in the morning sun, reading and baking some of the "crud" out of me.   It's something my Dad used to say to do and I certainly felt better after sitting and walking in the sunshine at John and Heather's wedding on Saturday.  They got married at the Relay for Life.  I managed to raise the $100 I wanted to and I DID walk, although I took breaks in between laps.  The "laps" were about 1/10th of a mile, so don't be TOO impressed, but I do have severe osteoarthritis and have been fighting off this illness. 

 I was proud of me and I did what I set out to do.  It was important to me The first lap, honored my father, who died of bone cancer. I got emotional on the first turn. The second honored my mother, a breast cancer survivor. The third was for my Aunt Ruthie and my grandmother, who both died from uterine cancer, the fourth honored friends and family still fighting cancer. The last lap? For me and the determination that the lumpectomy I am facing will be NOTHING! It was harder than I thought. I took a celebratory lap with other wedding guests, behind the bride and groom, to join in their joy.  Chris walked FOUR laps with me. He was only going to do one or two.  He paid for it yesterday as he is not doing so hot either.  

As I watched my friends join in marriage, I reflected on how long I have known the bride, we are both a part of the Heart and Soul community.  When I met her she was still grieving and trying to find her way after the loss of her husband.  She has returned  ( I wanted to say grown, but I think she was this way before grief knocked her flat) to be this joyful artist with a fierce determination in all things.  John makes her laugh. I think we need that in our lives.  Balance and joy.  Marry someone you can talk to, who makes you laugh , who makes you feel  better.  I know I did.  I wish them BOTH a long life with lots of giggles and warm sweet abiding love.

Update

At the beginning of the year, I looked over my health issues.  Sure,I have asthma and pulmonary hypertension, but those were well controlled and I was losing weight and exercising and looking forward to a possible knee replacement mid year.

Then, in March, I went in for my annual mammo, and they found three "Somethings" that needed to come out of my right breast .Not cancer yet, but suspicious  and they need to come out. Ok  I've done this before.  In 2006, I had three ( why is is always three?) somethings removed from my left breast.  I joked with the surgeon about getting the scars to line up.  I was ok with it.

Then all hell broke loose.

If you follow my rather random blog, you know that I got really sick at the beginning of April.  They treated it as an asthma flare, but it was really pneumonia.  I was off work for almost six weeks.   I went back to work on May 15, but I am still sick.

I saw my pulmonologist about a week before original scheduled date of my surgery, May 19 He told me I was "not strong enough to survive the surgery" and spoke with the surgeon to postpone it.  Fine.

Yesterday I went back to see him for clearance.  He was appalled that I was working and essentially told me I need to stay home and REST or I cannot have the surgery.  I NEED the surgery, so once again I am off work.  I have pretty much burned through all my sick-time, but Chris and I have a plan.  Things are going to change up for a bit here at Casa Myers.  I AM going to rest as much as possible - don't tell my doctor I am still planning on going to John and Heather's wedding tomorrow, but this will be good for my heart, which is in sore need of something to lift me up.  I am having a small gathering at the house on Sunday to celebrate Chris' 50th birthday. Nothing elaborate and I plan to rest.

I am, as the saying goes, sick of being sick and tired of being tired.  I am also, and I am loathe to admit it, a bit afraid that I will not get well.  I am heading in to work today to pick up some things in inadvertently left on my desk and to take care of one or two paperwork issues that once they are done will NOT weigh on my brain for the entire time I am off.  I have some books, I may try to pick up one or two before I leave Central today.  I am up for visitors, I am not contagious, just have to lay low and take all the shiny new meds.  I need to find my strength and my courage.  It is easy to be disheartened,but I have family, friends and faith.

Keep me in your prayers. I',m a little low at the moment, but I am going to bounce back and be ME again, I promise!  I really appreciate all the love I have been shown. I know that I am truly, truly blessed.