Friday

 I was thinking this morning, as I approach my 63 birthday and am heading toward retirement that I am more  Dylan Thomas than Desiderata  ( Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.  Bullshit)

Thomas urged his father to  "not go gentle into that good night".  I am more like that.  I think Gloria Steinem said that as we age, we get more radical and one day the world will be taken over by grey haired ladies.   I kind of like that idea.

Last night, I was in a meeting of an organization I have belonged to and worked HARD for for a long time.  I tried to comment on something the millennial were whining about and got talked down to by the moderator.  It made me re-evaluate my participation in this organization.  Frankly I have become less enchanted with their  approach to their mission and I think the current crop of leadership thinks they know everything.  What's that expression- those who don't' LEARN from history are condemned to repeat it?   About 20 years ago, another organization tried to take over this one and were barely defeated.  The hostile takeover attempt lead to radical change in the way the membership was treated and engaged ( The former Director's attitude to membership was "When I want your opinion I will tell you what it is")  This group looks for direction everywhere but within.  I think it's a mistake, and am tired to death of shoveling sand against the tide.  I will be stepping away, much earlier than planned from this part of  the group.  It will  probably result in them removing me from the rest of my commitments, but at this point it would probably be a relief.

I get my second "Fauci-ouchie" today. I am saddened but not shocked at the number of people who are not going to get it because they believe the LIES that this is a mind-control drug or they are implanting microchips to track you ( this said, absent of irony, by people who WILLINGLY carry a tacking device with them at all times, even into the bathroom)  I am looking forward to being vaccinated and gathering together with my like minded friends who actually looked at the SCIENCE  NOT the SCIENCE FICTION ( seriously a lot of the things I am reading are the stuff of Dystopian Fiction)

I see that Caitlyn Jenner is running for governor.  She really IS delusional.  Does she really think she will be the one Republicans rally behind?  OY

Poem

 It IS after all, poetry month

What depression tastes like

 

 

It rhymes with silver

It rhymes with orange

You sit

Clutching

A cup of coffee

Gone unredeemably cold

It seems like years

But it’s only been minutes

Since the cliché sun

Broke through the cliché clouds

And the wooden birds

Sang.

Tuesday 4/20

 There will be a LOT of  chatter in memes today that it is not ONLY "Taco Tuesday" but "4/20" as well, a day for some odd reason is celebrated for smoking pot.  I've got nothing against pot, mind you.  I DID come of age in the 1970s and well all that came with that.   I don't smoke now- asthma and lack of interest- but those who enjoy the herb should be able to do so.

I am postulating who might be behind the image of the Demon Weed:

I think the Tobacco industry has a lot to do with it, as if somehow, people smoking cannabis would siphon away cigarette smokers.  It is possible the alcohol folks too, but people have a tendency to have something along with the smoke. 

Maybe Big Pharma, as medical marijuana and the benefits of THC are coming more and more to the forefront.  It didn't work for me, I just felt "high" and in pain versus just in pain, but a lot of people report positive findings

Maybe the "for Profit "jail and the legal system.  By criminalizing it, we can throw more people in jail and reap the benefits of incarcerating people.

Maybe all of the above have a hand in it.

President Biden ( I STILL take pleasure in saying and typing those words)  has vowed to decriminalize it.  He's got a fight on his hands, but my money is on Joe.  

In the words of Elliot Mintz, introducing the file "Reefer Madness" on PBS all those years ago  "smoke if ya got 'em"

Monday

How does the weekend- I had a three day one, due to my work schedule- disappear so fast.  I worked on my kitchen ( I may have tossed out too many containers as I appear to have more tops than bottoms but no matter.)  I will SLOWLY begin restocking my containers, as these snap together so lids and bottoms are all in one place.  Gonna TRY anyway.

Tiny things to write about:

"Your father is retiring. Write a limerick about him"

hmmm

There once was a cook named Bob

For whom cooking was more than a job

He taught me to cook

With a word and a look 

And thinking of him, I'll try not to sob

That was kind of fun.

I am fretting about the news these days and I know I shouldn't   Seriously how can the Dereck Chauvin case play out? HE murdered that man in broad daylight with the whole world watching.  He died in police custody, begging for help and they ignored his distress.   He was cuffed and in restraints.  Geez, if he had been a white guy they would have brought him a Perrier.

The racists running the new Trumpian branch of the Republican Party are scary.  I wonder if we ever will get to the place where ideas are discussed in a thoughtful manner, what is best for ALL of us, not just the rich and powerful who want to remain there by pushing us all down.  

I see it locally.  I just voted in my Neighborhood Council election and I was HORRIFIED to see the grade school behavior of some business owners in this community.  Thanks for the warning, y'all  Watching you snipe at one another instead of support and discuss what is best for the neighborhood in general really made voting against some of these people a snap.  I personally would never run for the NC and there ARE a few good souls who mean what they say and are not just in it to advance whatever THEY want for them.  I've been to their meetings. I've been to Wrestling matches with more decorum

I get my last shot this Friday.  I am looking forward to being done with this.

Sunday morning meanderings

 I SHOULD be working on my kitchen reorganization project.    I have far too many mismatched and frankly OLD food storage containers and I am moving toward having ONE kind and NOT a bunch of containers that used to hold something else ( potato salad container, I'm looking at YOU)  So I pulled it all out and then needed coffee.

Anyone want to help me get organized?  

These days, I am scattered in brain and action.  It's a symptom of the anxiety and just general chaos in the world.   Do you remember in "Get Smart" the 'bad Guys" were Kaos?  They were apparently "bent on World domination"  It's taken almost 60 years, but by Jove, they've done it.

I'm not talking about my kitchen floor.

I woke up last night, the end of  the Prednisone attacks on my sleep pattern, thinking about a nuresey rhyme I learned as a child

"For want of a nail

a shoe was lost

For want of a shoe

a horse was lost

For want of a horse,

a rider was lost

for want of a rider

a battle was lost

For want of a battle,

A war was lost

and all for the want of a horse-shoe nail"

Small things make a difference. I often wonder, if Beau Biden had not died, for instance, would Joe have run instead of Hilary? Where would we be as a nation if we had elected him then?  So many in this country were afraid of "emotional women" they elected a paranoid, raving conman who, as my Dad used to say "promised them the moon until the sun came up"  It will be a long road, fixing that damage, if we can.

Still I have hope and lots of it. I saw young people getting involved in politics.  I see them standing to make this world a better place and for every Kyle Rittenhouse, we have a Greta Thunberg.

I am reading Dan' Rather's excellent collection of essays called "What Unites us".  I may need to buy a copy, there is so much that he says that give me pause.  I subscribe to his email project "Steady"  as well as Heather Cox Richardson, whose brilliant sense of history and the political climate give me both hope and despair, sometimes in the same sentence. 

It's also Poetry Month, and as we approach the Bard's Birth and Death day, I will be trying to read more poetry.  I love the deceptively simple brilliance of Mary Oliver and I will try to take smallish bites of Walt Whitman.  As I get older, I have less patience for long long poems, but if I just take him a section at a time, I MIGHT get through some of  "Leaves of Grass"

Anything to avoid the food container pile on the floor...

No words but I do have a few

 When I was a kid and my mother asked me why I had done something and I came out with a lame excuse rather than a clear explanation, she would shake her head and say " well a poor excuse is better than none"  I suppose she meant she wasn't buying it, but she would let me think about it.  

This makes me think of the cop who shot Daunte Wright for having air freshener hanging from his rearview mirror.  Apparently it's illegal but when you are Driving While Black it is also a capitol offense.   She claimed she was reaching for her Taser and grabbed her gun.  The smell of Toro poop is strong with this defense.   What in tarnation are they teaching the cops in Minnesota anyway?

Sadly, this is not a "one off" or an aberration. It happens daily, all over this country.  Driving while Not White is a crime.  

I am a white woman of a certain age and while we often fade into the background ( I say Invisibility is my superpower) I wonder what we can do .  I belong to a group where recently the moderator posted a "safe space" for women of color to talk about how they are feeling right now.  White women were asked not to comment, but they did anyway.  The anger that erupted between us was disheartening.  We were asked to either read the comments and learn something, or get off  that thread.  Now I will admit I got a little upset to see my sisters lump us all together.  I think that is just as wrong as when white people do it and it doesn't really solve the problem.  Well maybe it does.  If you bring a bias out into the light of day and are willing to discuss both sides of the issue, perhaps we can join together.  That's the old hippie in me, I suppose, believing that there is hope if we just have peace, love and understanding in our hearts.  Seed need to break their shell before they can grow and I imagine there is a lot of pain that we must go through to get to a better place.  We change hearts and minds, often one person at a time and there will not be this gigantic seachange without struggle. I am hopeful we can begin a dialog.  Baby steps are better than no steps.

Prednisone. Again

 Have I mentioned I hate taking prednisone?   Just for the record   I.HATE.TAKING PREDNISONE.     It behaves badly in my body.   Last night I felt like I was ON something,  couldn't sleep, couldn't shut off my brain, wound up taking a pain reliever to counteract it and FINALLY FINALLY fell asleep around 4 am.  I get up at 6:30.   This ought to be interesting. It also makes me incredibly slow witted.  If you talk to me today please understand.

Fro some reason, my asthma has ramped out of control.  I need to get a handle on it and this was the solution.  UGH.  I think stress contributes.  I keep SAYING I am going to get more exercise, but yesterday my right knee had other plans.  I hate taking anything for the pain.  I am waiting for my second shot to schedule my replacement.  I need to do it soon, but will email the surgeon AFTER I am fully protected.

I see a lot of people saying they are not getting the shot.  Ok.  Did you go to medical school, do you know something I don't?  We made polio less of a thing.  It's not completely gone because PEOPLE DIDN"T TAKE THE VACCINE!!!!!!  ugh  I remember getting the sugar cube in elementary school- and asking about a second one (lol- I was six)   There was no vaccine for Chicken pox and I got that when I was four months pregnant with Kate.  She got it in her eyes and wears glasses because of it. It there had been a vaccine, you bet your sweet bippy I would have gotten it.

I get it.  You don't want the vaccine because:

a-  You think they are implanting a microchip and will be tracking you ( the irony that most people saying this WILLINGLY carry a mobile tracking device everywhere EVEN THE BATHROOM, is delicious)

b- you believe herd immunity will protect you.  Herd immunity depends, I believe, on  people in the "herd" actually getting the virus AND recovering from it.  I'm not willing to take that chance.

c- you believe in "natural holistic healing and essential oils"  Look, I'm as hippy-dippy as the next person, but I STILL trust Western medicine for viruses.

d- you believe that vaccines cause autism.  No, they don't.  That was debunked years ago, so stop, just STOP.

Don't get me started on the anti-maskers.  wear the mask for two weeks.  If you had, and social distanced AND washed your hands, we might not be in this mess.  AS usual I blame the failed leadership of the Former Guy for that.  

So I have to take Prednisone for another week which means that for the next week or so, I am going to be in no particular order:

Sleepy

Grumpy

Spacy

not eating

emotional

So bear with me.  It's gonna be a long week

April is Poetry Month

 Poetry is something I always wrote as a kid.  I was known for it.  Was it good?  Maybe, I can't really tell but as I grow older the point of my art is to be creative and MAYBE impact someone.  I used to belong to an online poetry group.  One kid said he printed and carried a few of my poems with him, as they inspired him to write.  I lost touch with that group when my divorce happened and things like that were no longer around ( I think they all fell away from it as well)

I am going to try to just write a quick poem, no edits.   I was thinking about a woman I knew in college, Stella, who had swum across dangerous waters from China to freedom.  She was treated as a hero not as a dirty illegal.  I heard she married another friend from my college group, but again, I have lost touch with that group.  She told me that the form of Chinese art she produced had to be done in under three minutes or it was rejected.  So in honor of that conversation, I will try to write quickly- and TRY not to edit.

Pandemic

For the past year 

we have stared at the walls

Stared at the floor

Stared at each other

Waiting

Waiting for a cure

Waiting for release

Waiting for change

We baked bread

Painted pictures

Took photos from inside

the walls of our homes

dreaming of the outdoors

We became keyboard warriors

either attacking mercilessly 

or sending messages of hope to effect change.

We found God

We lost God

We made and lost connections that were precious.

Life went on

Life goes on

There was great loss

but also great gains

Hope became a tangible thing

something we could hold 

in delicate outstretched fingers

that we now offer

as we emerge

tentatively

into the morning sun.

Phew  ok.   I hope you like it.  Only one teeny edit, done before I hit the return key so it doesn't count.

I have been embracing different art to find my balance.  Work is good, but not exactly art and I need the balance.  Once I am vaccinated, I hope to get outside with my camera and take photos, something I enjoy. I have been housebound long enough.

I don't have much to say

 It's Wednesday and I am half asleep.  My asthma kicked into gear again last night.  I THOUGHT I was doing better, but alas not.  There are a lot of factors- stress being a major one and I have no idea WHY I am so stressed these days.  Probably the whole pandemic thing and the thought of going back to work.  We will probably be back in our office the first week of May , when more libraires open back up in a different way.  It's going to be interesting.

I get my last shot on April 23.  You hear various stories about reaction to the second one, but frankly I am not thinking it will be anything of great consequence.  IF I have a reaction, I am home and can just ride it out.  Heck  I went to WORK with pneumonia, ( I know.. I know..) so I have the ability to function while feeling crappy.  Hopefully it will not do much.

I have been thinking about English and advertising.  The thing grinding my gears are all the  notices that advertise "Free gift with purchase"   WHAT other type of GIFT is there?   Aren't all "gifts" by nature FREE????  Sheesh.  I guess there is no truth in advertising, otherwise they would have to say "Random useless crap thrown in with purchase"  these days, the "free gift" is rarely something I can use.

Chris was talking about the rant that says "you can save up to 20 %- OR MORE"  HUH?  UP TO is the limit, right?  Honestly advertising copy writers need to go BACK to school.  I was thinking of Darrin Stevens who worked for an ad agency.  Would HE have used such faulty logic?   Maybe.

I just realized I started this but got busy and never completed it.  It seems to be a thing these days, too many spinning plates in the air.  I am trying to step back and take better control of things, but it gets harder and harder.  Aren't things supposed to SLOW DOWN as we age?  Some days I feel like I am perpetually at the apex of a very tall roller coaster.  

He is Risen

 Three powerful words that are the basis of the Christian faith. He is Risen.   In the past four years, The trump ( small "T" intentional) administration and Faux News have thrown an awful lot of  dirt toward "The War on Christmas"  as if  Christmas somehow defines the Christian Faith.  It does not.  Sure, we love to celebrate and give presents, but really the core of faith is that he died and rose again.  

Somehow the Most Christian Man in the World forgets that.

Growing up, I went to a church of my choosing with my sister ( who I think actually chose the church, she may have known someone who went there)  The original pastor,  Pastor Gene, was a gentle soul whose sermons were  warm and hopeful.  When he left, we got  Brother Johnstone, a "Fire and Brimstone" Baptist.  I never could quite reconcile the "God who loved you so well that he knew the number of the hairs on your head"  with the "God who will smite you down with a Thunderbolt if you step out of line"   I heard a lot about "Fearing God"  I don't think that's the point.  AS I grew older, I saw the hypocrisy in my chosen church and turned from organized religion to have a  personal, if unorthodox relationship with my Creator.  Sure, I believe the basics of Christianity, but some of it is just weird.  I suppose that is what faith is.   I stopped being afraid of God and started having long chats with him.  I figure he know what I am talking about, most of the time.

I see  a lot of people waving a Bible, including some who have probably never even opened one or really thought about what it says.  Hate is not a Christian value.  Hating people is something Christ himself directly addressed in his new commandment to his followers "Love ye one another"  Simple, right?   I think there are sects of Christianity who missed the memo.

As we celebrate  Easter, with colored eggs and chocolate bunnies, let us all endeavor to take Christ's words to heart, even if you don't follow Christianity.   Love.  It's a good thing to do.