Poem in progress

 I wrote this a while ago, I think   but it needs an update.  The grief is incredible

Life is not fair

you want to scream

or drive

or slit your wrists

But you don't

Instead

you

Cook a meal you don't eat

Play music you don't hear

Stare into the cupboard with unseeing eyes

Lie in your bed

curled in a ball

waiting for sleep 

or the day

to come

Dr King

 I know I am a few days late in my thoughts about Martin Luther King and the day we celebrate his contributions to America and the world.  Here goes:

I have been told that people of my ethnic background "cherry pick" when it comes to Dr. King.  Was he radical in his ideas that African Americans in particular or people of color got the short end of the stick.  I think a lot of people were made uncomfortable by those words and choose to pick only the ones that encourage peace and understanding, as they are much easier to swallow.  That being said, since I was ten when he was murdered, I find that I was -and still am- motivated by his wish that his children be judged by the content of their character.  It is my wish as well, that ALL of us be judged that way.  Bigotry and racism is not exclusive to white people.  I am often judged by the color of my skin and while it has much less  socio-economic impact on me, it is still there.   Can we learn to look past what we are taught about people of other races?  Probably not, but we can dream can't we?

I need to visit Dr. King's speeches as an adult, 50 years later.  My understanding of the Civil Rights movement is limited, as we were living in it and not really learning about the intricacies of it.  As with everything these days, there is a lot I do not know.

I will start with the speeches.

Kevin McCarthy's Flying Circus

 If, as the saying goes, insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, then the Republicans in the 118th Congress are full-tilt bozo.

We watch as Kevin McCarthy parade's his naked ambition on a national- or international- stage.  At what point does he realize they just don't like him.

He needs to give up, hand off to a likely successor and be done with it. He has been chasing this dream since 2015 when he lost famously to Paul Ryan.  

It does not look good and even the Former Guy ordering his people to vote for Kevin isn't working.

Here's what I think about the whole batch of shenanigans

• They knew this was something they needed  to work on BACK IN NOVEMBER , after they won the House.
• if THIS is an example of his "leadership abilities" then they are in serious trouble.  
• Kevin couldn't organize a sandwich, let alone herd the cats that are the current not-yet-seated members of the House.
• They are trying to blame the Democrats for not voting for a Republican.   Right. Like THAT should happen.  You can't get your own House in order and are whining about the opposition party not riding to the rescue to save the mess.

This does not look to end well for the American People.

There is a whole faction of the Republican Party who exist to create chaos.  They are there for sound-bite, to get their name in the paper and their moments on Fox "news" shows.  They got elected by people who knew their names and had seen them on their tv screens. They sell fear and distrust of your neighbor, not improving things that need attention in this country and the world.

In his raw quest to be the #3 person in American Government, Kevin McCarthy is promising them EVERYTHING they want.  I am particularly amused that he has promised to change the way a speaker can be removed.  Do you think for one nanosecond that the minute he gives them all their plum assignments and whatever else they want, once the House is seated, that whack-job from Colorado won't rise to remove Kevin?  I swear the goal here is to STOP the Government (apparently, she believes we are saving money buy NOT having the Congress operating,  Maybe her business acumen is why her restaurant failed)

So we wait.  We are into ten votes and ten losses.  This beats the record set in 1923.  The last time we went without a functioning House, the Country was at War.  It has to be tiring and frustrating for people who actually want to do their jobs, but are being held hostage by a small but unhinged faction of the right who did not learn anything in 12th grade Government class.

Tuesday Morning

 Politics.  Again.  Today, the Congress will convene and Kevin McCarthy- the man so completely OWNED by Trump, he famously calls him "My Kevin" ( and if THAT doesn't make your skin crawl, check your pulse, you may be dead) Kevin will try to sell what is left of his soul to try to become Speaker of the House.  

May you have the luck you deserve, Kevin.

Politics is a hornets nest, IMHO.  I admire people who can work in the political world and still be human ( I'm looking at YOU Adam Schiff)  I wonder why people get into politics?  Probably one of two reasons, to make a difference or to wield power. The bulk of the current Republican Party DEFINATELY leans toward the latter.  I suspect they are being paid handsomely by whatever master they serve for selling both their souls and their constituents to the highest bidder.

Lying seems to be the norm and when you are caught you simply cite.. oh.. "alternate facts" or whatever freaking excuse that George Santos from New York is spouting.  I hope his community mounts a recall.  NOW.  I see now that they know where he IS, Brazil is reopening his fraud case.

Still, I hope they broadcast the disarray in the House today.  I hope the Democrats sit by and observe, like well-behaved spectators at Wimbledon.  I hope the good people who elected these buffoons on the Republican side of the Aisle get to see what Junior High School Student Council they have making laws for them.  

And I hope whoever they elect receives the same lovely treatment from their own party that was given to Nancy Pelosi.  It give me no joy to see people eat each other ( except maybe former BFF's Marge and Pistol packin' Lauren. I think I'd pay cash-money to see that smackdown)  I hope we are seeing something like growth and change.  I hope, but am fairly sure this is a vain hope, that we are seeing the end of Trumpism ( politics of name-calling and lying and division instead of unity for a common goal)  I often wonder what Eisenhower would have thought of the party he once led?  

Resolutions and other New Year thoughts

 I am not one for New Year's recriminations or resolutions at this stage of the game.  Years gone by I would , like most people, on NYE review my year and look back over it and try to make sense of what had gone wrong and where I could "improve"  Now?  I look at what went right and realize that the future is in the small, everyday moments, not the grand ones.

When I was a teen, I read a book called " a Crack in the sidewalk" about a young girl who grows up poor and finds her way to happiness.  A lot of teenage books were like that, written to give us angst-y teens hope that we are the heroes of our own story.  In it, on NYE, the sisters are making "resolutions"  for the family, including the "disabled" brother ( probably Down Syndrome, but it is not clear what is wrong with him)   They say that he resolves to be happy- which he always is anyway.    I think it's a good resolution.  

So this year, I resolve to be happy.  I resolve to remember to turn my frustration and anger on its side and look at the situation from a different point of view.

I read a quote -supposedly from a Buddhist Monk- that went something like "Everybody wants to save the world, but no one wants to help mom do the dishes."  the article went on to say that small acts of kindness have repercussions in the world and while you may not rescue someone from a burning building, you may rescue them from burning down themselves.  I like that idea.  Doing small things that may make someone's life easier, even for a moment. Practicing this, I hope kindness becomes a habit rather than an exercise.

I am waiting for the Stealth to fly over my house to start the Rose Parade.  Every year, I secretly wish for the torrential downpour we can have to show those people "Back East" it ISN'T always sunny in what my dad used to call Pasadinky.  Someone pointed out that our horrible weather has NOTHING on what they are currently digging out from  in some parts of the county.

True dat.

So, I will warm up the tv ( boy isn't THAT something we used to do!)  And get myself settled on the couch for a bit.  They show the parade all day here- at least until the game.  I gave up watching the Rose Bowl years ago, I have no idea who is playing.

Happy 2023.  I'll be back to my political rants tomorrow.  I  downloaded the entire report and need to read it.

Missing Anna

 a year ago, a lifetime ago, we were together, laughing and getting ready to go to see "my boys" the band America in Reno.

We traveled together often and always had a pretty good time or some "interesting" adventures.  This trip was no exception and despite a few bumps and a flat tire, we managed to have some fun.

I thought her being tired had to do with her diabetes, not her heart. Two days after we parted company, she was gone.

I miss her every day.  

Still, I am grateful for the time we had.  The pain of losing someone is the price we pay for the joy of their love.

I often think of the lines from the Bob Dylan song " You're gonna make me lonesome when you go"

"But I'll see you in the sky above

in the tall grass

in the ones I love.

You're gonna make me lonesome when you go"

First day of October

 Do you wake up on the first of the month and say "rabbit, rabbit" It is supposed to be lucky and sometimes when I wake up groggy from sleep, IF I remember the date, I murmur the phrase. 

I am thinking about an incident in cooking class in Junior High (What they now call Middle School) the woman who taught it was a newly divorced woman who was thrust back into the work force by the circumstances.  She was ill-prepared for the task and while I STILL use her cranberry muffin recipe every Thanksgiving, I am forever scarred by the Bacon Burning Incident.

WHO I ask you places high fat- cheap- bacon under a broiler?  "Bacon From the Broiler" read the cheery heading at the top of the mimeographed page we were all given.  Do you know what actually has a great chance of happening when said high fat meat meets a very high flame?  That's right, it catches fire.  Upon hearing that our broiler had become a sacrifice, the poor woman ran in circles around the room.  One of my friends, who was more adept in such things found some flour and put it out.  The teacher castigated us for the rest of the class.  I spent the rest of the day hearing about it in other classes from people who made fun of me and my kitchen mates.  It was NOT a fun day.

I went home and spoke with my father, a professional cook who told me point blank that "every cook burns something, it's how you react that is important"   I remarked that the teacher did not react well to the problem, and we laughed.  I remained her least favorite student for the remainder of the semester.

The fact that I enjoy cooking and am fairly good at it lies not in the disaster that was cooking 7A, but the wise words of my father, which can be applied to any life situation, if you think about it.  Anyone can screw something up.  It's how you react that matters.