Poem

I used to write more frequently.  Don't know why I stopped.

Here is something I wrote yesterday.

I dreamed
we were drinking
spicy mojitos
in the early autumn  evening
the air, warm and moist
the crystal glasses sparkling
like jewels between our fingers
the rum burning the back of my throat

I awoke
with your laughter
still in my ears
and your smile
burned on the inside of my eyelids.

Past, Present and Future

I am still out in 29 Palms and will be through the weekend.  I have to go back to work on Monday.  I am going to miss the kids and my little Squeaker like crazy.  I know I shouldn't call him Squeaker, those sort of names seem to stick.  My husband was nicknamed "Charlie Brown" by one of his cousins as a baby and a LOT of his family still call him Charlie; one cousin in particular thinks his given name is actually "Charles".

I am sitting in what I think of as my Mom's kitchen, at her dining room table, thinking about her.  I have been sleeping on the roll-away bed, which as a kid was a big treat to do.  It wasn't until I was an adult that I learned that this was her bed at home.  That she slept in an alcove in the apartment with her mother and her stepfather.  She was paying the bills, but was relegated to a bed in the hallway.  It makes me sad to think of her that way.  She and my dad did everything to make sure we had what they didn't.  I don't think I was as grateful then as I am now.

Last night I got to spend some quality time with Bobby, as we are starting to call him, l.  The kids needed to go out for a bit, so Mimi and Bobby hung out.  I have forgotten how sweet it is to cuddle an infant of your chest and have them fall into that deep untroubled sleep of a newborn.  Bobby is a good sleeper!  He's a wonderful baby, very easygoing, so much so that the kids are already talking about another one- in TWO YEARS- but another one.

My former English teacher, Don Wulffson posted on my Facebook page something to the effect that we are never as close to God as when we hold a new baby in our arms.  I have to agree.  Whatever your faith or beliefs, you believe in the power of miracles when you hold a baby.  In their eyes, you see all that have come before them and a glimpse into the future.

Thinking

Sometimes I just sit down and things that I want to talk about magically appear.  Sometimes I sit and stare at the screen. Today is one of those days.  Nothing pithy or insightful seems to come to mind.  Admittedly, I have been preoccupied with a fine young man whom I love with all my heart.  The little guy has stolen my heart, as I suspected he would.  It's been a long time since I had anything to do with a newborn, and boys are different than girls.  Still ,I can settle him down.  He falls asleep fairly easily for me.  I guess it's my zaftig self he loves.

I am out here for another few days.  Leaving him will be hard but the kids are doing a good job with tag team parenting.  I will probably do a lot of prep cooking, sauces and such, and leave it in the freezer for them.  I make some pretty good sauces!

it's peaceful here for the moment; everyone is sound asleep, which is a good thing.  I have to go back to work next Monday, I wonder if they missed me!   It seems like the Department did not implode while I was gone, but I suspect that my co-worker who has been taking my calls will be happy to see me!

Welcome to the world, Robert Benjamin

My grandson was born a week ago and I am just now getting down to think about what has happened and what this means to me.  There is nothing like holding the child of your child, staring into hi eyes and seeing all the people you love staring back at you.  Robert is named for his maternal great grandfather  and his maternal grandmother- as I was named after my father.  Of course, I think he is perfect and wonderful.  I have been here at the house the whole time, doing my thing in the kitchen,  I know my daughter appreciates the help and I try to stay out of the way, as much as I want to swoop in and take over, I realize that this is their time to create their family.  I just pray that one day all of our scattered family will be able to be together again.

So Robert, welcome to the world.  I am looking forward to seeing you grow up.  As I gaze at you, sleeping so peacefully in your basinet, I marvel at the gift that you are.  Already, you seem to know your "Mimi" as I want you to call me.  You settle down when I hold you and cuddle you against me.  I love you, child, in ways you won't understand until you have a wee one of your own.  We are going to have some grand adventures, you and I.  I love you.

Ten Song Challenge

 Recently, there has been a Facebook "challenge" to name ten books that changed your life or had an impact on you.  I posted mine- twice!- but it got me to thinking about music and the songs that changed my life or that I carry with me.  So here, in no particular order, are mine or at least the ones I am thinking about today.


1. God Only Knows.  Growing up in Southern California in the 60's the Beach Boys always seemed to be on the radio in the summer.  The music still tastes like summer to me and listening to their glorious harmonies, I can be transported back to those summer days.  I love God Only Knows best I suppose.  I love to sing along.

2. Horse with No Name DUH. America.  My favorite band, their first radio hit.  It's not my favorite song of theirs, it's just their first one; the one that introduced me to the band.  My "favorite" of theirs changes daily and I probably have a whole list of my ten favorite America songs, which is a topic for another day.

3. She Love you  Beatlemania! I was in elementary school when John, Paul, George and Ringo burst onto the American scene.  I had a Beatle poster on my wall ( which I remember as being kind of creepy , I thought their eyes were following me)  The Beatles were the first brush with "our" music, not what my parents listened to, but music that spoke to our generation.  Again, not my favorite Beatles song, but one that can still make me feel sweet and giddy.

4.  Please.  Evita Freaks.  Most people reading this will never have heard of the song OR the band, BUT it led me to my husband, who was playing bass with the band at the time I met him.  Changed my life?  Made it better?  Oh yes!  It was Evita's sweet voice that led me to him.

5. YYZ- I'm a girl, therefore was NOT a Rush fan ( if you're a fan you get the joke)   My husband is a huge fan and I bought tickets to see them early in our marriage.  In preparation, I had him load "Moving Pictures" onto myMP3 player, as they were doing that album as part of this show. WOW.  I really got into how three guys could make such a full sound, complex and amazing.  I became a Rush fan- I'm one of the thirteen ;)

6. Solsbury Hill. This Peter Gabriel song emboldens me.  It's about gathering the courage to leave something and to find a better place for yourself.  I was unhappy at a job and I heard this song.  It "spoke" to me and I thought "yes I should look for something better."  I did and twenty-eight years ago, made the change to the job I have now.

7. Fighter Christina Aguilera   A song my "kids" dedicated to me, about how a bad relationship makes you stronger.  My "borrowed daughter" told me I was an inspiration to her.  NOTHING and I mean NOTHING is sweeter to hear than that!

8. Little Tin Soldier  A Donovan song that is a telling of the fairy tale about the Steadfast Tin Soldier.  I used to sing it to Kate and she told me recently she remembers it as a favorite song.  I will be brushing off this and other rock and  roll lullabies for my grandson.

9. Fallen. I read liner notes ( I know my friend Reggie who writes them will be pleased to see this)  I make a note of who wrote what song, if I like it, so that I can seek out more music by that writer.  This song led me to work for Lauren Wood in the 80's .  It was fun and Lauren was and is a wonderful musician.  I still love her work and hope to be able to see her new group, the Peculiars, very soon!

10. Storm This song, by Lifehouse is my go-to when I need to find my own strength. I sing it in the car.  It is a song about faith, vague in it's direction, it could be faith in God or faith in another person.  By the time I get to the last chorus, I am feeling the power of my own faith. I don't feel like I am facing whatever it is alone.

So that's MY ten.  What's yours?

I'm supposed to care?

The "cult of celebrity" is getting to me these days.  Really, the news is all gaga about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie getting married.  Well, it's about time, I suppose.  They have, what seven or eight kids?   What's the point at this juncture anyway?  The media fawns all over them, they dredge up his failed marriage and talk as if the ex wife is still in the background somewhere, waiting for him. If Jennifer Anniston were pregnant as much as Star magazine said she was, she'd need a MUCH bigger house.   I don't actually READ Star, or People or any of those magazines that tell us breathlessly about every aspect of celebrity life.  I see them in the grocery store check out line.

I'm supposed to care about the every day minutiae of the lives of the Kardashian Family?  That whole thing seems to be a train-wreck, they are famous for being famous, much like the Gabor sisters were; their only "talent" was for getting their photo taken at celebrity driven events.

 I knew someone once who was so consumed by the celebrity "news" that she really thought she could walk down the street in Hollywood and meet famous people.  She would wander the streets for hours, peering at people to see if she recognized them from television or the movies.  I think she was convinced she would meet George Clooney  in the local Vons.

Well, I don't care.  I do wonder if these people love the attention so much that ANY press is better than being ignored.  I wonder if  a quiet, "normal" life is such an anathema to them that they will do anything not to be consigned to one. 

Sunday News ponderings

There has been a lot in the news these days about race, religion and equality.  I get it.  Things are very bad and we need to change them.  But how do we do that?  There is a lot of anger, and I never see rage and rioting as answers to the problem.  Maybe it's just me, but I don't see the point of stealing everything from a neighborhood store and burning it down to cause change.  I am a big proponent  of the "change from within" school of thought.  To change the way things are run, you must first enter into the system.  Standing on the outside throwing rocks is not going to cut it.   We must work together to bring about the change we want to see, in our communities and in our world.

I have been thinking about a statement I read that said something about "if someone says they are color-blind then you are invisible to them"  I have been thinking about that quote in terms of me and how I view things.  It did make me think.   I am NOT colorblind.  I do see what color you are, just like I notice your hairstyle or your clothes, but NONE of those things dictate how I treat you. The thing that does that is your attitude.  If you come at me in anger, I will react accordingly.  Simple as that.  There is anger on both sides of things these days.  There are laws that are supposed to protect people from that, but while you can legislate  lifestyle, you cannot legislate hearts or minds.  We must begin to change.  As a Christian, I find it inconceivable to see the hate spewing from people's mouths who declare themselves to follow Christ's teachings.  Really?  Did you miss the "Love ye one another" part?  It doesn't say "Love ye one another if they look like you."  Or "Love ye one another if they agree with you."  Nope.  Christ spoke of love, of brotherhood and of caring for each other.  Maybe some of these "Christians" should read the New Testament again- or at least the first five books.

I don't know how to change the world, to ease the anger and the suffering.  I will try to make things in my community better.  There is an old saying "Let each man sweep in front of his own doorstep and the whole world will be clean."   I think I will start there.