I pulled three cards from my desk of angel card this morning, asa I do sometimes, to get a message of hope or guidance.
Now, some of you don't believe in this and that's just fine, but it's kind of the same thing I also do,in flipping open my Bible ( see I OWN ONE!) and hitting a random verse.
Same messenger IMHO.
Today's message was about courage and strength. It reminded me that the angels are watching over me and protecting me, that I need to be ready to take my place in guiding someone and loving them.
So... my grandson is getting ready to make his entrance. I am heading out to 29 to help my daughter and her family . I wonder if Mason is going to need his Gogo in his life. His Gogo sure needs him.
As I get my act together and pack for the trip, I will lean on my angels, maybe even hum the Spiritual we used to sing " All night all day, Angels watching over me, my Lord"
May the angels watch over you as well.
Sunday, October 27, 2019
Tuesday, October 22, 2019
415 days, more or less
This Saturday, I will have held my current job ( with one or two titile and salary changes) for 33 years.
There are things I love about my job ( people) and things I don't love ( other people 😡😡 ) but this morning, BEFORE COFFEE, I tried to do the math on how many days until my stated retirement. My fuzzy pre-caffeinated brain came up with around 415.
Ok then.
Now what.
My plan , at this moment, is to eventually retire out to the house in 29 Palms. It is NOT our dream destination, but it is a slower pace and I think we can make it work ok. We really need to win the lotto so I can live near a river or a lake or something. No whatever dam that is in the Monument ( I still call Joshua Tree "the Monument") does not count.
What am I going to DO with myself?
I keep hoping some hidden talent will emerge and I will suddenly have something to do that will keep me occupied and maybe make a little spare change on the side, but I seriously doubt I am suddenly going to become Grandma Moses or anything like that.
Writing is a hobby and no one- or very few people- seem to read this blog ( based on the numbers they give me and the fact that almost NO ONE comments) I never was much of a short story writer. Maybe I can take a class or something.
Sigh.
I am looking at the future with equal amounts of hope and dread, which is all we can really do these days. I just want to make it to 2020, when change is truly possible and the future may become clearer.
Here's to March 15, 2021. Beware the Ides of March!
There are things I love about my job ( people) and things I don't love ( other people 😡😡 ) but this morning, BEFORE COFFEE, I tried to do the math on how many days until my stated retirement. My fuzzy pre-caffeinated brain came up with around 415.
Ok then.
Now what.
My plan , at this moment, is to eventually retire out to the house in 29 Palms. It is NOT our dream destination, but it is a slower pace and I think we can make it work ok. We really need to win the lotto so I can live near a river or a lake or something. No whatever dam that is in the Monument ( I still call Joshua Tree "the Monument") does not count.
What am I going to DO with myself?
I keep hoping some hidden talent will emerge and I will suddenly have something to do that will keep me occupied and maybe make a little spare change on the side, but I seriously doubt I am suddenly going to become Grandma Moses or anything like that.
Writing is a hobby and no one- or very few people- seem to read this blog ( based on the numbers they give me and the fact that almost NO ONE comments) I never was much of a short story writer. Maybe I can take a class or something.
Sigh.
I am looking at the future with equal amounts of hope and dread, which is all we can really do these days. I just want to make it to 2020, when change is truly possible and the future may become clearer.
Here's to March 15, 2021. Beware the Ides of March!
Saturday, October 19, 2019
For Greg
When you placed
the gun against your head
and tried
to blow away the demon
you thought was lurking there
you missed
You didn't kill the pain
You broke it into
an extraordinary number of pieces
that flew
into the hearts
and the souls
of those who loved you
It's not the part of you
we need inside us
We needed part of your warmth
your zeal
your humor
your grace
Instead
along with memories of better days
and longing to have
just one more talk
one more meal
one more
day
We have your pain
We will carry that inside us
it will rise to the surface
When we remember your laughter,
When we reconsider your words
When we speak your name
Sunday, September 15, 2019
Harry Potter, witchcraft and random fantasy genre thoughts
Someone posted a rant on a friend's FB page - which she started by saying her kids had never seen the Harry Potter movies. This person on her page went off on a mini rant about how no member of his household would be allowed to either read the books or see the films, alluding to the mistaken fact that it is about Satanism. PAY ATTENTION HERE this person has never cracked a single tome or seen any of the films.
I responded by saying that the themes of the Harry Potter series are friendship, love, good fighting evil and love. I asked the person if they boycotted ALL fantasy genre or just the Potter books. He did not respond.
It got me thinking about things:
The overriding theme of "Potter" is that love will triumph. Harry is saved from death by his mother's love. All of the characters on the "good" side" are motivated by love and even Draco's mother helps Harry in exchange for knowing if Draco is still alive in Hogwarts.
When the Potter books came out, SOME preachers had a FIT ( without reading them BTW) about the "magic" in the books and saying that they were encouraging children to seek Satan ( who must be ROYALLY pissed that he is NOT an actual character the book.)
I wondered about a few things.
Witches are considered evil and in league with the Devil, but Wizards are not. Case in point Merlin, Gandalf and Dr Strange. I didn't see anyone out there protesting Lord Of The Rings or any of the Marvel films. It got me to wondering if this isn't some sort of way to keep women "in their place" After all, witches are powerful beings and if they are equal with their male counterparts well then they MUST be EVIL.
I started to think about all the fantasy genre books I have read that contained magic- if the problem here is that by putting magic "spells" in the story line, we are encouraging something these preachers fear.
Off the top of my head:
Lord of the Rings
Bed-knobs and Broomsticks
Mary Poppins. ( I haven't read the book, but in the beloved film, certainly what Mary does IS magic)
Are those offensive?
Is MARY POPPINS ( gulp) in League with the Devil???
Ok, but you get my point. Literature, good literature, makes you think and dream. Emily Dickinson said it best "There IS no frigate like a book to take us lands away"
If you don't want your child to read the books, then by all means limit their access. DO NOT try to tell me what my child ( or grandchild) can read.
I responded by saying that the themes of the Harry Potter series are friendship, love, good fighting evil and love. I asked the person if they boycotted ALL fantasy genre or just the Potter books. He did not respond.
It got me thinking about things:
The overriding theme of "Potter" is that love will triumph. Harry is saved from death by his mother's love. All of the characters on the "good" side" are motivated by love and even Draco's mother helps Harry in exchange for knowing if Draco is still alive in Hogwarts.
When the Potter books came out, SOME preachers had a FIT ( without reading them BTW) about the "magic" in the books and saying that they were encouraging children to seek Satan ( who must be ROYALLY pissed that he is NOT an actual character the book.)
I wondered about a few things.
Witches are considered evil and in league with the Devil, but Wizards are not. Case in point Merlin, Gandalf and Dr Strange. I didn't see anyone out there protesting Lord Of The Rings or any of the Marvel films. It got me to wondering if this isn't some sort of way to keep women "in their place" After all, witches are powerful beings and if they are equal with their male counterparts well then they MUST be EVIL.
I started to think about all the fantasy genre books I have read that contained magic- if the problem here is that by putting magic "spells" in the story line, we are encouraging something these preachers fear.
Off the top of my head:
Lord of the Rings
Bed-knobs and Broomsticks
Mary Poppins. ( I haven't read the book, but in the beloved film, certainly what Mary does IS magic)
Are those offensive?
Is MARY POPPINS ( gulp) in League with the Devil???
Ok, but you get my point. Literature, good literature, makes you think and dream. Emily Dickinson said it best "There IS no frigate like a book to take us lands away"
If you don't want your child to read the books, then by all means limit their access. DO NOT try to tell me what my child ( or grandchild) can read.
Thursday, August 29, 2019
it's been 15 years
August 29
Fifteen years ago, my beautiful, brilliant mother lost her battle to Alzheimer's
It does NOT get easier, in fact, in some ways the passing of the years and the reaching of milestones makes it worse.
In the time she has been gone:
I got a divorce. I won't go into details, but I am proud of the way I did what I did. I am a better person because I am not married to that person.
I met and married the love of my life. It grieves me that my mom never met Chris. She would have been nuts about him and she would have been thick as thieves with him mom , Anna.
Her granddaughter Kate graduated from college, got married and has one son with another son on the way. She started her own business and is doing ok.
Our family has a hole in it, and has since she crossed over. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my Mom, wish I could call her to share some tiny bit of news, or visit her and cook in her kitchen. I miss her most at Christmas- her favorite holiday. I bake more cookies than we can eat, remembering how she would bake and give the cookies to the neighbors as a holiday treat. I can't bear to make lebkuchen.
Alzheimer's stole her from us, bit by bit. The year she died, my sister and I did a walk in her honor and raised over $1,500 in her name. It is my hope that one day, families will not go what we went through and that this will be curable.
She once told me she was glad she could not remember the exact date that her mother died (Ironically it was August 11, which is Kate's birthday) My grandmother died of the "family cancer" during the Watts Riots. Unfortunately I remember the day my mother passed on. The number 29 resonated with my family:
My Dad was 29 when he met my mother
My mother was 29 when my sister was born
I was 29 when Kate was born
They lived in 29 Palms
My mother died on August 29
My Dad died on March 29.
I wonder if that means anything or it's just an odd coincidence.
Still I miss you Mom. There should not be tears left, but there are.
If you still have your mom here, hug her tight for me today.
Fifteen years ago, my beautiful, brilliant mother lost her battle to Alzheimer's
It does NOT get easier, in fact, in some ways the passing of the years and the reaching of milestones makes it worse.
In the time she has been gone:
I got a divorce. I won't go into details, but I am proud of the way I did what I did. I am a better person because I am not married to that person.
I met and married the love of my life. It grieves me that my mom never met Chris. She would have been nuts about him and she would have been thick as thieves with him mom , Anna.
Her granddaughter Kate graduated from college, got married and has one son with another son on the way. She started her own business and is doing ok.
Our family has a hole in it, and has since she crossed over. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my Mom, wish I could call her to share some tiny bit of news, or visit her and cook in her kitchen. I miss her most at Christmas- her favorite holiday. I bake more cookies than we can eat, remembering how she would bake and give the cookies to the neighbors as a holiday treat. I can't bear to make lebkuchen.
Alzheimer's stole her from us, bit by bit. The year she died, my sister and I did a walk in her honor and raised over $1,500 in her name. It is my hope that one day, families will not go what we went through and that this will be curable.
She once told me she was glad she could not remember the exact date that her mother died (Ironically it was August 11, which is Kate's birthday) My grandmother died of the "family cancer" during the Watts Riots. Unfortunately I remember the day my mother passed on. The number 29 resonated with my family:
My Dad was 29 when he met my mother
My mother was 29 when my sister was born
I was 29 when Kate was born
They lived in 29 Palms
My mother died on August 29
My Dad died on March 29.
I wonder if that means anything or it's just an odd coincidence.
Still I miss you Mom. There should not be tears left, but there are.
If you still have your mom here, hug her tight for me today.
Tuesday, July 30, 2019
Recovery
So... NOT doing as well as I had hoped and I have pt twice a week. This has been hampered by a WICKED case of vertigo.
UGH
Going to therapy in a bit. Think good thoughts. My knee is super tight. I have been working on it, but I think I need to do more than I have. I need a COACH!!!
Slightly dizzy and SUPER cranky- pain and lack of sleep will do that to me. I am hoping that I improved a BIT since last week.
On the PLUS side, I have lost six pounds....
More thoughts later on being stir crazy and the lack of intelligent commercials!
UGH
Going to therapy in a bit. Think good thoughts. My knee is super tight. I have been working on it, but I think I need to do more than I have. I need a COACH!!!
Slightly dizzy and SUPER cranky- pain and lack of sleep will do that to me. I am hoping that I improved a BIT since last week.
On the PLUS side, I have lost six pounds....
More thoughts later on being stir crazy and the lack of intelligent commercials!
Monday, July 22, 2019
Staples and other post surgical adventures
I am sitting here, waiting on my primary care dr who was supposed to call me at 9. She's either late, or had blown me off. Can I charge HER for the missed appointment?
Seeing the surgeon today. They are going to take out the staples. I have too many to count, they look icky. As I recall this doesn't really hurt. I just want them OUT so I can move on to the next phase.
Yes I am doing my PT. Yes, it hurts, but I need to be able to SIT more than 20 minutes without needing to get up or ice it.
Some things just take time.
Apparently Norco gives you hallucinations. Who knew? ( everyone else!) I was seeing pink trees on the ceiling and had a nice convo with both my mother and my father ( although those MIGHT have been visits) I know I am hallucinating. It's not fun. I never understood the appeal of hallucinogens,
The surgery and aftercare went well and I came home the day after. Chris has been wonderful. I worry about HIM.
Keep a good thought for me around 2 pm when they take the staples out!
Seeing the surgeon today. They are going to take out the staples. I have too many to count, they look icky. As I recall this doesn't really hurt. I just want them OUT so I can move on to the next phase.
Yes I am doing my PT. Yes, it hurts, but I need to be able to SIT more than 20 minutes without needing to get up or ice it.
Some things just take time.
Apparently Norco gives you hallucinations. Who knew? ( everyone else!) I was seeing pink trees on the ceiling and had a nice convo with both my mother and my father ( although those MIGHT have been visits) I know I am hallucinating. It's not fun. I never understood the appeal of hallucinogens,
The surgery and aftercare went well and I came home the day after. Chris has been wonderful. I worry about HIM.
Keep a good thought for me around 2 pm when they take the staples out!
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