Changes

I have been pondering change in my life.   I have been having some health issues and I talked to my therapist . Yes I see someone who I can objectively bounce things off and who helps me to focus and really see what I need to do to to improve things.  I know there is still a bit of a stigma about seeing someone, but for me it is helping.  She sends me off with things to consider and guides me to make my own conclusions.  It's hard work.  I wish sometimes she would just say "do this"  but that is not the point of therapy, is it?  The point is to see clearly and to grow.   So...

I had an interview scheduled with the Fire Department.  The question was, was I really ready to take on a new job, so late in my "career" ?  I guess you can call what I do a "career" even though I sometimes think it's just a job.  I don't really have a title like "RN" or "Librarian" or "Electrician"  I'm a Management Analyst for the City of LA.  Talk about a nebulous job title!   I have been in my current assignment in a variety of configurations ( and I find this hard to believe) for 28 years.  Yeah.  A lifetime, at least for my daughter!  I have been doing pretty much the same freaking job for TWENTY-EIGHT years.  I don't know whether to be impressed or depressed.  In any case, I decided not to take the interview for a variety of reasons.  I have decided to explore something that has always intrigued me and will be dipping my toe back into school to see if it is what I think it is and to go forward that way.  Now, I know that I live by the expression "If you want God to laugh, tell him your plans" but I do have a plan and once I am sure it will work, I will be a bit more open about it.  For now, I am looking at a class or two.  Wish me luck.  I haven't taken classes since I graduated college in 1980!

We bought an exercise bike, instead of a gym membership.  One of my colleagues said she and her husband call the gym " the James" because they're not that close.  I had to laugh but she had a point.  I know I would not GO to the gym but if it's sitting in my living room and I KNOW I need to do it, I am more likely to get on and ride or walk for a few minutes.  I am operating under the theory that ANY additional exercise is good.  The bike is a combination bike and elliptical.  I realized this morning I can READ while I am on the bike.  YES!  I could not do that on the treadmill.  I know the song my doctor sings is that I need 30 minutes a day. I am working my way up to it.

I haven't really written any poetry in a long time.  I wonder if I can still do it, being so long out of practice.  More to the point, I suppose is if I WRITE it, will I share it?  I live in Tujunga, where there is a thriving poetry community.  I have looked at joining one of the groups, but I don't think so.  They seem to be long established, almost a clique, and I don't want to try to break in to it.  For now, I suppose I will write for myself and if I think it is worthy, will post it here.  I miss writing poetry and need to try to remember how to do it.

Today is Shakespeare's birthday- and death day.  The theory is he was born today, as he was baptized on April 26 and they traditionally did that when the child was three days old.  So we celebrate his birthday on April 23. I really am lacking in my Shakespearean knowledge and need to see more plays. On my "bucket" list is spending time at the Ashland Shakespeare festival.  I think that would be amazing!

I've been creating a "Bucket List" of sorts, not because I am going to kick the bucket- or at least it's not in my current plans- but because I want to have things to look forward to on my horizon.  Having a wish and a plan give me hope.  I need to remember that the only constant is change and to embrace it as I go along.