Thoughts in free-fall

I am sitting at my computer, just... typing.  Whatever pops into my head.  I am dealing with the upcoming surgery and all it's implications by thinking that there will be nothing more than the lumpectomy.  Even though the surgeon gave me "worst case scenarios"  I am hoping for the BEST possible outcome.

I hope to be able to mend a rift with someone I love very much.  I really have to accept that this may not be possible.  I am going to try by not trying.    When this person is ready to talk, I will listen.  Sometimes, we react to our own fears by lashing out in anger at the very person who needs you not to.  I understand that, but it is difficult to deal with.  In the mean time, I am going to settle in my head what I need to do to face the surgery and the outcome.   I will get through everything.

"I have seen the Eternal Footman hold my coat and snicker and in short, I was afraid"  Ok  T.S. Eliot.  I quote him a lot.  He is one of my favorite poets.  I do understand he was a monumental asshole, but that boy could WRITE.  When I saw the surgeon, Kaiser gave me a booklet about Advanced Directives.  Honestly it looked like an elementary school style workbook.   I suppose I should read it, maybe talk to Chris about things, maybe write things out.  I am NOT going to die.  Not yet anyway. I am FIRM in that, but maybe it's time for that conversation.  It's often the Elephant in the room.

In the meantime, I am looking forward to seeing "An American in Paris" this evening.  A friend had an extra ticket and it was "just the ticket" for me.  I was thinking about how I would LOVE to see more theater and she called me!  I am looking forward to possibly seeing parts of Henry Ong's play "the Dream of the Red Chamber"  I love Henry,  I worked with him years ago and never knew that this quiet unassuming man was actually a brilliant playwright.  His work is delightful and as this is a magnum opus, I expect to be enchanted by it.