Short thoughts

I am trying to read Mary Trump's book.  it is excellent, well written and really lays out why Donald, as she calls him, is the way he is.  what an awful family.  I keep having to put the book down when I finish a chapter. I have this "thing" where, if I don't want to spend time on a character, I don't read the book, no matter how "important" the book is to read. It's a push-back from my days as a lit major, where you HAD to read  so many "good" books that were more like slogging waist-high through mud than enjoyment.  The difference is I WANT to read Mary's book; I just HATE the characters.  I am only on Donald's teenage years. I suspect it gets worse.

I am stuck in the house and feeling trapped these days.  Chris does his best AND I have a telephone appointment with my doctor today, but the asthma is worse.  I blame stress.  I am wheezing and coughing more.  NORMALLY, we would have gone away for the weekend, but that is not possible at this juncture.  I need to find an outlet.  Still hopeful but this is the pits.

I see the Big Pharma companies are more concerned with how much they will MAKE for saving humankind than actually saving humankind.  Typical.  They only want to save those who can pay for it.

I saw Sweden - I think it was Sweden- said their experiment in herd immunity was not as successful as they had hoped.  I have to see it that was just another article of Facebook misdirection.  Honestly, triple checking stuff gets exhausting.


I am going to try to listen to a good book if all goes as planned today.  My house in 29 is still in an uproar, but there is hope on the horizon. Think a good thought for me!

Coffee in the morning.

I have no idea for today's blog so I am going to start by thinking about my Pandemic routine vs what I used to do, back i the Olden days.

I get up MUCH later now, as my "commute" is only about thirty seconds vs the good hour it used to take.  Frankly, I miss my car.  I miss my music or my book on cd.  I miss the gearing up for my day.  I used to use the time in the car to organize my workflow and plan what needed to be done.  Now?  I amble down the stairs, half awake , make a pot of Sumatra and plunk down in the chair.   It's early so I can check in with my friends, and do whatever "Housekeeping" needs to be done, either online or actual organization in my kitchen.  I used to get things into the crock-pot for dinner.  Now I sort of look in the pantry and see what I need to think about at the end of the day.  I don't do a lot of crock-pot cooking these days although I really should as it saves stress and keeps the house cooler.  I just don't have the inspiration.  I think being at home ALL THE FREAKING TIME has changed my mindset. 

I don't like it.


At all.



People say "Oh I LOVE working from home!" Not me.  when I WENT to work, my homelife was my homelife and my job was my job and while I had the  occasional late night phone call, work wasn't all over my tiny workspace.  I leave it the way it is right now, because rearranging my tiny area every day would be too time consuming.  I look forward to the day when I can return to work.  That may take some time.  I am super high risk, the medications I take for my asthma deplete my immune system.  There is talk about immuno-replacement and I am game, but with this stupid virus I don't know when that will be.

I'd like to say what I think about the virus, but the word I choose is an inelegant four letter one and I really would like to stay away from swearing today.

I miss the drive home.  Sure, rush hour, but the drive gave me time to decompress from what is a stressful job and switch gears to be the person I am in my home.  Slow down, unwind.  I used to plan meals in the car, or sometimes Chris and I would talk about grabbing a meal with friends.  I MISS friends in my home.  I haven't SEEN my shared wall neighbor in FOREVER,although we email and talk on the phone. His health is shaky as well.  We used to see each other every day and he would often join us for a meal or a snack and a chat. 

When all this is over, I am cooking EVERYTHING I can think of and calling everyone I know for a "Come over for a meal and a hug" extravaganza.  I hope they solve this soon, but it looks like my country will not be taking the lead, since we have a science denier in the White House.

November can't come soon enough.

Time travel

If you could go back in time and change something, would you?  It's one of those questions people ponder after too much smoke and wine and since I have had neither but the question is in my mind anyway, let me answer it.

I have been watching "once upon a time" on Netflix.  Originally, it was a cute concept, but Season 3 is going to be my last one.  This season, the Wicked Witch of the West comes to Storybrook and one of the things she wants to do is go back in time and change her past.  Here is the GINORMOUS plot hole.

She has to steal Snow's baby to do it, BUT the thing she is going to DO is kill Snow's MOTHER before she can marry Snow's father ( thus having Snow)  See the problem here?  No SNOW, no Baby, no time travel spell.  I suppose you can argue that time is somehow mutable and it's like a Choose Your Own Adventure book, but seriously. If you go back and kill someone, their children never exist

That really my problem with MOST time travel books and films ( Somewhere in Time is an exception- I think!)  If you change the past, it becomes the present and the future and you never KNEW any different timeline.

There was a Twilight Zone ( I Think or it may just have been a short story) about a man who gets his wish to go back to the time of the dinosaurs, but is warned NOT to get off the path. He sees a flower he must touch and in so doing steps on a butterfly, killing it,  When he returns to his own time, everything is changed. In killing the butterfly in the past he changed the future without meaning to.  The Twilight Zone was meant to scare you psychologically in many ways, but it also became one of those things stoners watched and talked about ( see "afternoons of smoke and wine") 


The Movie Time Bandits WAS fun, and I may try to watch that again sometime. It's about Time Traveling Dwarves who just want to have a god time and hide from an Evil something-or other, I forget.  I has Sean Connery in it. Lately I have trouble sitting still for even the half-hour or so that Once Upon A Time takes.   I blame Pandemic Cabin Fever.

So, in answer to the original question, no I would not go back in time to Stop John Kennedy's murder, or Abraham Lincoln's or stop myself from doing whatever stupid thing I did that I think I should not have done in retrospect.  The past makes up the present and even one tiny change may have a greater impact on the world.

Weddings in the time of Covid

I woke up thinking about Princess Beatrice, of all people.  She got married over the weekend in a small sweet ceremony.  I think she may have wanted something grander, but her wedding has been put aside several times and I am sure she just wanted to get married.  She wore a dress her grandmother- the FREAKING QUEEN OF ENGLAND- loaned her. It looked very nice and she looked very happy, they posted some cute snaps from the day.

I see a lot of people getting married and it gives me hope. People getting married, having babies, we are NOT giving up.  Covid is still going strong in a lot of places and I worry, even though I see that there are fewer deaths as the medical community get the upper hand in the battle.  I also see that we probably won't have a Jonas Salk come from anywhere and GIVE the vaccine away.  Every nation is trying to get there first, not to save their people, but for bragging rights.  Big Phama all over the world will be looking for a HUGE payday.  Why do I fear that the poor in this country will not fare well in the vaccination and treatment of the disease?

But,as usual, I digress.

While I have been off and watching bad television on my time off from work ( which is another topic for another day)  I have noticed a trend in "reality" television( and if you think any of this is "reality" I have a bridge in Brooklyn for sale)  Wedding-o-rama.  There is this one show, Called Four Weddings, which is a minor train wreck.  The "brides" compete for an "amazing honeymoon"  They all pretend to be BFF's while sniping each other behind their backs in critiquing each other's weddings in an effort to win the big prize.  I have seen some crazy ceremonies ( the wedding of the trapeze artists, where the bride descended from the ceiling and has Circus Circus like "entertainment" at  the reception, comes to mind)  There have been some incredibly tacky moments as the bride attempts to "provide the most amazing experience" for the guests.

What ever happened to celebrating love and commitment? 


It's like ALL those "Say yes to the Dress" shows; I love seeing the dresses, but I can't help but think a lot of the tears are staged for the camera.  And I swear, if I hear that song "Forever Now" one more time- isn't that a bit of an oxymoron and who says "yes" as part of their wedding vows anyway???

I won't even START with the replacement for the Jerry Springer show that is "90-day Fiance"   and although I get sucked into it,  "Married at First Sight"


Television and long distance photos of weddings are pretty much all I have these days.  I was HOPING to get to England for my cousin's wedding in October, but I am not sure what will happen. It's a good thing we didn't go, because of the flood at my house in 29.  I am still dealing with THAT and will update this blog when I have a clear solution, right now it's day by day.

Sunday morning

I know, I should be writing every day, but depression and lack of sleep have made it hard to get up the extra half an hour early to write something before I have to check in at work.  I am working from home.  I am on the computer for work at least 9 hours a day.  The bloom is off the rose and while I used to come home and check in with friends, now I can't wait to get off this machine and veg out upstairs.  I watch far too much mindless television to relax.  I used to decompress in the car on the way home- an hour to an hour and a half of listening to music and singing or listening to a book on cd.  I never listened to politic in the car if I could help it.  I used that time to shake off the day, make dinner in my head so I could stop at the store if I needed to and be ready to spend quality time with my husband.   Now I move into the kitchen from my chair and make dinner.  Sometimes, I get inspired but  mostly it's just a meal. 


I hate this.


I hate that they have politicized what is a global health crisis and that people ACTUALLY BELIEVE that the ENTIRE world is conspiring to make 45 look bad and lose the election.  Yeah, people are pretending to die all over the world. It's a huge episode of "Punked"  They really believe it.   Until they or someone they know gets it and then the big AHA moment happens but it is too late.

I hate the lies that are coming out of the White House and that they have taken over releasing the numbers. The Faithful say it's because the CDC is LYING- again to make HIM look bad- and that THESE are the real numbers.  Funny  how SUDDENLY there are almost NO cases.  It's a MIRACLE!  Praise Trump!  All Hail the Orange one!

Sheesh.

In the meantime, babies in Texas are coming down with it, even though HE says children are immune and they should ALL go back to school in the fall.  Any bets on where son Baron is in the fall?  With his mother in Maryland ( you do know she doesn't sleep at the White House and she is staying with her parents- who came here via  "Chain migration"  JUST the thing he screamed about in one of his rallies)

Have you seen the campaign ad, with rioters and looters in the streets, meant to scare people into voting for him, saying "This is what it will look like in Biden's America"?  The PROBLEM - and it should be obvious- is THAT footage was shot RECENTLY, in TRUMP'S AMERICA.  I see he has his Storm Troopers pulling "dissidents" into unmarked vans and holding them in undisclosed locations.  Gee   Hitler Playbook, anyone?  If you publicly protest- as is your First Amendment Right- and you disagree with the policies  of the Dear Leader, you will be Disappeared. 

Once he gets rid of the First Amendment, he will go after the rest of them, mark my words.


He does not understand history or  the Constitution, which is a "Living document"  He wants to scrap the whole thing and write his own Manifesto.   His lawyers- Dewey Cheatem and Howe - are working on it.

His party lets him do whatever he wants.  He violates the Hatch Act?  Fine  His daughter does it?  Fine.  I was SICK to see the Resolute desk being used to hawk  products of a man who fawns after Trump.  He lies about his opponent and when caught at it has a hissy fit.  I really need to see ALL of Chris Wallace's interview, but the part I did see showed me a petulant child out of control.

Is THIS really who you want to lead this country?   Is the Republican Party so corrupt that they don't see that this is NOT a leader?   I don't think I have ever seen a President lose it publicly on such a regular basis.  Before you say, it's because the media is "mean" to him- think about the hard questions fielded by President Obama, Or Clinton or EITHER Bush.  Did they snap their fingers in the air like a bad customer calling for another Diet Coke to get their staff to scurry out with paperwork that he thought would prove his point,  The fact that it DIDN'T made him even crazier.  Did he end the interview at that point?  I really must check.

So this has been my Sunday morning rant.  I am going to get my mask on and go to the grocery store in a bit.  It's my BIG Adventure- that and the occasional Car Picnic that my poor husband takes me on to cheer me up.  I miss  my friends and my family and one of these days I am going to set up a Zoom Dinner party, just to see your faces.  Let me know if you are game.

Pandemic thoughts

 I am going to ramble as I have to sign in to work in a few moments.  Working from home, while a blessing for someone like me who CAN'T go in ( super high risk)  is also sheer torture for someone like me.  Siting for 9.5 hours a day at my desk in my small kitchen with scant human interaction  is the worst ( thank GOODNESS for Chris and the people I see on my way to the mailbox in the courtyard of my apartment, and yes I wear a mask when I go outside)  I miss my bustling office, with people coming and going and the variety of it all.

It looks like we are back to Square Uno here in California.


There are so many Covidiots who think they don't have to wear a mask. The number of people who think that this is all a worldwide hoax to make the orange menace look bad astounds me. 

So we are stuck.

I posted Macbeth's soliloquy on my facebook page recently and no one commented although it did get a few likes. It resounded with me:


She should have died hereafter;
There would have been a time for such a word.
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.




I am trying to find some hope, some spark that there will be an end to all of this and we can get back to being in one another's company again.  Will we have learned anything from this?  I wonder.  I have learned who  failed math and science in the 8th grade.

Bear with me here

I see I didn't write at all in June.  Covid Depression got the better of me and I found that I could not write anything- except snarky FB posts about Trump, but those don't count

Last night, I had an awesome dream and I really should have written it down.  I was at my friend Donna's place and she was having some kind of salon, where we sat discussing paintings and books and poetry.  One of the poems was one I had written- sorry I can't remember what it was but it was relatively short.  everyone seemed to enjoy it and began discussing what it meant.  They turned to me to explain and I said "what it means to you is what it means.  Don't try to figure out what I meant, but determine what it means to you.  That is what poetry is, you bring your own meaning to it."

I have a degree in English and spent a great deal of time discussing Chaucer and Shakespeare and T.S. Eliot and Wallace Stevens.  We were always trying to tease out the exact intent of the writer.  I wonder if my thought in my dream isn't closer to the mark of study.  What DOES that poem, that painting that play SAY to YOU?  The most fun, for me and I know I'm weird, is talking about art in terms of what emotion it evokes.  When you re-read a novel, you are bringing new insight  to the work, because you have had different experiences. Since the first time you read it, you may have gone somewhere the novel reminds you of, met someone, done something, and that changes and deepens the meaning and experience for you.

I should really talk to my friend Donna about this, she does dream interpretation, but maybe it was a signal to start writing again.  I might try.