December is here

I forgot to open the little door on the Advent calendar.  Christmas is 24 days away and I am in more uproar than normal.

I need to shop
I need to bake
I need to figure out just what and where I am doing... anything!

So far, the holiday is NOT something I am looking forward to. As an adult, the holiday is like a snowstorm.  IT looks pretty in the distance, but when you are in the middle of it, it's not so much fun.

I need to take a breath.  I want this to be a nice holiday for all of us.  I need to remember that doing something to make it so is all I can do.  Unhappy people will always be unhappy.  I can't help but feel this will be one that burns into our memories for a variety of reasons.

I need to bake. 

We are decorating minimally, as the plan it to be elsewhere on Christmas day. I guess I am just tired and the thought of all that needs doing is getting to me.

I need to remember what I always tell myself.  When life gets overwhelming, take small bites.  I need to break it down into do-able doses, as the song says.  I am a planner, so tonight I will take a look at everything I think I need to do and see what  I NEED vs what I want.


Just takes money which is always in short supply around here these days.

I need to scale back my expectations on myself.  I need to see what I can do and go from there,  I am not Wonder Woman.  I need to ask for and ACCEPT help in some of what need to be done.

Christmas baking always makes me think of my mom.  I will probably be baking on Sunday, if working the Mini-maker faire at the Library doesn't take all of my energy this Saturday.  It's a HUGE event, lots of fun but lots of work for all involved.

I NEED sugar cookies and I am dying to try my cookie roller that I bought from Pampered Chef earlier this year.  If it works well, I may take it out to the kids house to bake cookies with Bob.  He is quite the little chef.  We baked cookies together when his brother was born.  The kids  all love the sugar cookies.  Decorating can be fun.  When we baked together, I would up covered in flour.    He loved the experience, so that is all that really matters.

Gotta get moving.  I have a busy week ahead of me.  I have a lot of Union stuff to do.  I had to laugh.  We were watching The last Jedi and there was that scene where they catch up with Maz and she is in the middle of a fire-fight and they ask her what is going on and she says "union dispute"  I could SO relate!

Happy Monday!   2020 is just around the corner.

Let today be over SOON!

Today is the election I am overseeing.

Without calling out the organization by name- if you know me you can figure it out- I am NOT looking forward to doing this.

The governing body made some decisions that, although they were their right and I have no idea of the backstory, were badly executed and WILDLY unpopular.  If they had handled the announcement  of the decision properly we would probably NOT be in this mess.   Maybe not, as I think some disgruntled then-employees were adding fuel to the fire for their own perceived gain.

In any case, part of the fallout dragged an organization we are affiliated with into the mix.  THEY insisted ( based on what MUST have been horrific stories of malfeasance) that we relocate the election to a neutral site and that they would observe.

Here is why I am so salty about it:

• The ballot counting is always held in an open forum and anyone may observe
• The ballots are counted by a third party organization and are NEVER interacted with by either  the Committee or the employees
• NONE of the people who are claiming that without all of this we can't hold a "fair and clean election" have ever BOTHERED to show up at the counting.
• I am upset that they would insinuate that my Committee is not strong and independent enough to withstand any pressure from the governing body or the employees ( who BTW all work for the members)
• Now, instead of counting in a place more central to our membership, we have to schlep about a half an hour OUTSIDE City limits just to make someone feel better.

Whatever.

The accusation makes me rethink my commitment to this organization.  Frankly, my time as a member IS winding down and maybe they just need new blood all the way around.  I will think about my committee commitments ( I have several) and the overall work that I do in support of this organization.

I am NOT political in the sense that I want one person or another to run THIS organization.  I just want what is best for it.  It has been through worse and maybe SOME clarifications of policy will be made as a result of all of this.  At this moment however, I am tired to my bones.  I have NOT been sleeping or eating and this has caused a serious flare in my PH.  Last night, I had chest pains that made me wonder if I should skip our anniversary celebration dinner and go straight to emergency.  I didn't want to pay $100 to have them tell me it wasn't a heart attack.  I know it wasn't because it's the same pain as  the LAST two times I wound up in emergency.  UGH.  Still I am looking forward the THIS chapter in the book of this organization to be OVER.  To continue the metaphor, tomorrow is a blank page and I will see what I will write as my final portion of the tale.

Birth and death and things in between.

My second grandson, Mason Edward, arrived earlier than expected.  Mommy and baby are doing fine and the family dynamic is changing to include the new little guy.

Over the past several months I have been to several "memorial services" or "celebrations of life"  The most recent was yesterday, a former co-worker,  Kathryn Carr who was almost 100 ( she was NOT as some claimed 101, having been born in 1920 and even THIS English major could do the math.)

Funerals and such ceremonies are for the living.  I have been to these services where it was apparent that the officiant did not know or care to know anything about the person that was being laid to rest.  They were just out trying to get people to join their congregation.

Yesterday's service was nice, some funny recollections of  Mrs Carr ( strangely no mention EVER of a MR. Carr)   and it was good to sit among old friends and catch up and reminisce.

So often we gather together at these things and say "we must get together" and often we try but never do.  Some of these folks I keep up with on Facebook, and I hope to have a long lunch with one of the retirees and will make an effort to do so.

Sometimes the ritual can be comforting.  I don't know if I came away with anything in particular.   I did find this coincidence interesting:

One of the passages read was the one from Ecclesiastes 3 ( to everything there is a season)  On the way HOME  I heard the Byrds song based on those verses.

Was God trying to hammer home something?

I am currently going through a difficult time with an organization I have been involved with.  A group of people , either accidentally or intentionally, have made accusations that  I feel have besmirched my character and impugned my good name.  I say accidentally, because it IS possible that in their desire to take control, they did not think of the implications of the implied accusation of wrongdoing on the part of a committee I chair.  I am upset, to say the least.  I try to be as honest as I possible can be and that may be my undoing. 

So I wonder and will talk to someone I trust, it it time for THIS season to end or is there still work I have promised that must be done.  In any case, my heart is heavy. 

Angels watching over me

I pulled three cards from my desk of angel card this morning, asa I do sometimes, to get a message of hope or guidance.

Now, some of you don't believe in this and that's just fine, but it's kind of the same thing I also do,in flipping open my Bible ( see I OWN ONE!) and hitting a random verse.

Same messenger IMHO.

Today's message was about courage and strength.  It reminded me that the angels are watching over me and protecting me, that I need to be ready to take my place in guiding someone and loving them.

So... my grandson is getting ready to make his entrance.  I am heading out to 29 to help my daughter and her family .  I wonder if Mason is going to need his Gogo in his life.  His Gogo sure needs him. 


As I get my act together and pack for the trip, I will lean on my angels, maybe even hum the Spiritual we used to sing " All night all day, Angels watching over me, my Lord"

May the angels watch over you as well.

415 days, more or less

This Saturday, I will have held my current job ( with one or two titile and salary changes) for 33 years. 

There are things I love about my job ( people) and things I don't love ( other people 😡😡  )  but this morning, BEFORE COFFEE, I tried to do the math on how many days until my stated retirement.  My fuzzy pre-caffeinated brain came up with around 415.

Ok then.

Now what.

My plan , at this moment, is to eventually retire out to the house in 29 Palms.  It is NOT our dream destination, but it is a slower pace and I think we can make it work ok.  We really need to win the lotto so I can live near a river or a lake or something.  No  whatever dam that is in the Monument ( I still call Joshua Tree "the Monument") does not count.

What am I going to DO with myself?

I keep hoping some hidden talent will emerge and I will suddenly have something to do that will keep me occupied and maybe make a little spare change on the side, but I seriously doubt I am suddenly going to become Grandma Moses or anything like that.

Writing is a hobby and no one- or very few people- seem to read this blog ( based on the numbers they give me and the fact that almost NO ONE comments)  I never was much of a short story writer.  Maybe  I can take a class or something.

Sigh.

I am looking at the future with equal amounts of hope and dread, which is all we can really do these days.   I just want to make it to 2020, when change is truly possible and the future may become clearer.

Here's to March 15, 2021.  Beware the Ides of March!

For Greg

When you placed
the gun against your head
and tried
to blow away the demon
you thought was lurking there
you missed

You didn't kill the pain
You broke it into
an extraordinary number of pieces
that flew
into the hearts
and the souls
of those who loved you

It's not the part of you
we need inside us

We needed  part of your warmth
your zeal
your humor
your grace

Instead
along with memories of better days
and longing to have
just one more talk
one more meal
one more
day
We have your pain

We will carry that inside us
it will rise to the surface
When we remember your laughter,
When we reconsider your words
When we speak your name

Harry Potter, witchcraft and random fantasy genre thoughts

Someone posted a rant on a friend's FB page - which she started by saying her kids had never seen the Harry Potter movies.  This person on her page went off on a mini rant about how no member of his household would be allowed to either read the books or see the films, alluding to the mistaken fact that it is about Satanism.  PAY ATTENTION HERE this person has never cracked a single tome or seen any of the films.

I responded by saying that the themes of the Harry Potter series are friendship, love, good fighting evil and love. I asked the person if they boycotted ALL fantasy genre or just the Potter books.  He did not respond.

It got me thinking about things:

The overriding theme of "Potter" is that love will triumph. Harry is saved from death by his mother's love.  All of the characters on the "good" side" are motivated by love and even Draco's mother helps Harry in exchange for knowing if Draco is still alive in Hogwarts.

When the Potter books came out, SOME preachers had a FIT ( without reading them BTW) about the "magic" in the books and saying that they were encouraging children to seek Satan ( who must be ROYALLY pissed that he is NOT an actual character the book.)

I wondered about a few things.

Witches are considered evil and in league with the Devil, but Wizards are not.  Case in point Merlin, Gandalf and Dr Strange.  I didn't see anyone out there protesting Lord Of The Rings or any of the Marvel films.  It got me to wondering if this isn't some sort of way to keep women "in their place"  After all, witches are powerful beings and if they are equal with their male counterparts well then they MUST be EVIL.

I started to think about all the fantasy genre books I have read that contained magic- if the problem here is that by putting magic "spells" in the story line, we are encouraging something these preachers fear.

Off the top of my head:

Lord of the Rings
Bed-knobs and Broomsticks
Mary Poppins. ( I haven't read the book, but in the beloved film, certainly what Mary does IS magic)

Are those offensive?

Is MARY POPPINS ( gulp) in League with the Devil???

Ok, but you get my point.  Literature, good literature, makes you think and dream.  Emily Dickinson said it best "There IS no frigate like a book to take us lands away"

If you don't want your child to read the books, then by all means limit their access.  DO NOT try to tell me what my child ( or grandchild) can read.