August 29

It comes around every year and every year I wonder if THIS year, I will be able to forget the date.  No.  I can't. I wish I could.

Eleven years have passed since my mother died and every year on this sad anniversary I remember her. It's not as if I don't think of her all the time but on this day, I feel her loss most keenly.  A few things came up this week and I really wish I could talk to her about them.  I have to console myself with trying to remember what she said about a particular problem and hope the information will help me.  I think if I listen, I will know.

I was thinking about a story she told me about witnessing a murder, after I witnessed an attempted murder on the street in front of my office and was totally freaked out.  She told me that when she was newly married, they lived in an apartment building and this couple lived below them.  They had been fighting loudly and violently all day.  It was night and my mom went down stairs to see if she could get them to stop.  Another neighbor, who had a young baby was at their door, pleading with the husband to stop, as she could not settle her baby to sleep.  Just then, the wife came to the door and stabbed her husband to death.  After the cops came and took the body away, one of the cops told my mother to clean up the blood in the hallway.  She complied.  It was a strange story and she never told it to me again and I never asked.  It wasn't a light-hearted story and I think the memory of the murder of someone she knew,at least in nodding acquaintance, haunted her in some way.

I am heading out to 29 Palms this morning to take care of Bobby for the day.  My daughter and my son-in-law are both working today and the person who had been their sitter is not available anymore so while she looks for a solution , I get G-ma time with Bobby.  I have not had to deal with a toddler - and yes he's toddling even if he is not quite a year- in a very long time.  I wonder if I can remember how.  I hope I don't screw up!