Willa Cather "My Mortal Enemy"

 I love Willa Cather. Well not Willa herself because I never knew her, but I love her books.

I read and re-read  "My Antonia" over the years and loved "A Lost Lady" ( I never realized how much it echoes "The great Gatsby" until now)

But I just finished reading her short book- My Mortal Enemy

It is an interesting character study.  The book I checked out had a very long and frankly judgy introduction to the book I stopped reading halfway.  He declared Myra to be a thoroughly unpleasant person and had no love for the book.  

The intro reminded me of term papers and I decided I did not want to read anymore because I wanted to come to the book fresh.

I enjoyed it.  Nellie's observations of the Henshawes both in their very Flush period and at the end of their lives are details of the miniscule and we get a complete before and after.

I am NOT going to go all "English Major" here and opine that Myra Henshawe symbolizes the decline of a gentler age and the ending of the book is both sad and hopeful as Oswald Henshawe embraces the future.

Nope.

Jus that it was a good read. 

More could be made of possible Infidelities  on both sides that are hinted at but left to the imagination.

I am pondering Myra's dying declaration that she "must die like this, alone with my mortal enemy"

The narrator takes her to mean her husband, having said something about how love can grow to hate, but the Lit major in me asks.  does she mean her husband or herself?  She is disappointed in how her life turned out and wishes that she had not done some of the things she did.  

Had she grown to hate herself, in looking back?

I have to think about that one.

I have three other books I have to read before I can go back to Cather.  Anyone want to recommend what I should read next by her?

Jazz

 Don't hate me or judge me for what I am about to confess.

I hate jazz.

Really.

I know right now you are screaming at me JAZZ IS A TRUE AMERICAN ART FORM!   WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??

Well, I am not saying that Jazz should be tossed on the trash heap or banned in public places, just that Jazz is not MY thing.

Well, maybe Dixieland, which was my Dad's preferred music. I learned to listen to individual instruments with my Dad and still do that sometimes and think of him asking me to repeat what the clarinet was doing in a particular song.  He loved Dixieland and Glen Miller.

But Jazz, especially "smooth jazz" is NOT my thing.  You know how some companies use "Smooth jazz" as their "hold music" to sooth the customer while they are waiting? Yeah.  If I have to listen to that for more than three minutes, I am SO agitated by the time the customer service person comes on the line, I have to take deep breaths before talking to them.

It does the opposite of calming me down.

Now the reason for this is really a question.

My husband loves Stanley Clarke.

Mr. Clarke is playing at the Hollywood Bowl this Summer. 

I know my husband would like to see him- even if we do not like the Hollywood bowl ( I think I detailed our problems last Summer when we had a heck of a time getting there and back again. The bus drive actually told us we should "run")

I would like to make my husband happy, but the thought of a an evening of jazz makes my skin crawl.- and YES I know Mr. Clarke is amazing , I am not discounting his virtuosity I am just repeating that jazz is NOT my jam.

I would like Chris to go, but  I value my sanity and wonder if I should buy tickets and ask someone to go with him.

Any takers?  

In the meantime, I will be avoiding malls and calling companies that use smooth jazz as a panacea. Give me thrash metal instead.

Moment ( a poem)

 "My grandmother loved bougainvillea" she said

apropos of nothing

as she looked out the window

at the late Spring garden

But I knew a storm was coming

that would destroy the remaining purple blooms

making them slick on the garden path

sticking to my shoes

like onion skins

But she was lost in her reverie

I murmured assent

and drank my tea. 

For Julie

  Poem

You were in my dreams last night.

I was searching for you

along a beach that suddenly

burst into flames.

I was told it was bonfires

but I knew it was you

creating one last beautiful flame

before you transformed

into the whisp of wind

that blew the sand

and the flames

into the air

I hate being sick

 So, I picked up a weird bug.  No fever, no anything except chest congestion.  That always scares me, as I have lung issues and any "cold" generally defaults to bronchitis and I had a serious fight a few years back with pneumonia . That almost killed me, I was really, really sick.

I don't ever want to do that again.

Chris is taking wonderful care of me.  He went out and got me soup and meds.  I had one of those "stop breathing" episodes, where my vocal cords slam shut, but I was able to do the "dog panting" exercise that relaxes them and I never got to the gasping for air part that is just not fun

So I am taking it easy this weekend.  I foolishly signed up to review TWO books that sounded good- Spoiler alert they almost always sound good. I started the first one and I thought to myself. Gosh I hope this is a murder mystery and that the main character gets killed.  It is written in the first person and I am NOT enjoying being inside her head.  My Kindle tells me it is a six hour read.  I hope it gets better.  I have only a few DNFs on this project. On at least one of them, I  wrote my promised review indicating that I would rather have had a root canal with no meds than finish that book.  I believe my review on that one  on Amazon is titled DON'T  JUST DON'T.

Last night, I had a dream that I was seeing a doctor who told me I have some kind of disorder , where I use the word "thing" far too much. This might have been related to an article I was reading about Alzheimer's. My mother died from Alzheimer's and I worry that it is in the DNA.  So I just went back and  edited my third paragraph and replaced the word "thing" with other nouns.

I need to do that more often.  It is easy to slip into a pattern that I learned from my mother.  I always understood what she meant when she would wave her hand and say "you know... the THING" I think of myself as a writer-unpublished, sure but a writer nonetheless, after all YOU are reading this, aren't you?    ( and thank you, I love that people are actually reading what I am babbling on about) Mostly, these days, I write for me. To keep my chops up, to release whatever is bothering me and just to feel better.

Like I said, I hate being sick.

America is in an abusive marriage

 Women who escape an abusive- either physical or emotional-relations ship are often pressured by friends and family (who never saw the abuse happening) to "forgive him and get back together with him for the sake of the family".  the pressure can be quite intense and a woman in a toxic relationship has already had her confidence and decision-making undermined and often goes back to the abuser for Round Two.

Some women realize that forgiveness often gives the abuser, especially a narcissist, permission to do it again, if the woman does not "behave" and do what she is told. In these instances, the abuser will try to harm the woman to get even.

This is where America is now.

You took him back.

Felon47 was an unfit President the first time around. But he managed to either convince or connive his way back into office and with the current crop of sycophants doing his bidding in Congress, impeachment is off the table for the moment.

He's even worse now, since he has his best bro telling him what to do, a "bro" who is even more toxic and hell-bent on vengeance than Felon47 is, if that is possible. 

They are destroying everything this country was built on.  They worship dictators and Nazis and pretend to be faithful Christians, but honestly, if Jesus showed up today, preaching the Beatitudes, they would deport his brown Jewish ass to Gitmo. 

Fun Fact- Jesus was born in the Middle East.   And a question-What are the chances he was a blue eyed blonde, like the depiction in the churches of my childhood?  The answer is Zippo, but I am sure the Christians rationalize it that Jesus was made in our image or some other type of nonsense.   

Felon47 is doing the classic abuser move in limiting what we can know, limiting our access to our friends and telling us what we see is not real. HE is the best thing that ever happened to us and if you don't believe it, just ask him.

We must rise. We must fight back.  remember every accusation is a confession. Gather your tribe close to you. Protect the vulnerable. Demand better of local elected officials, because the ones in DC are either powerless or "turned" by the Dark Side.

Remember the first words of the Constitution,  Written BOLDLY in larger letters than all the rest are   WE THE PEOPLE. NOT The  President. Not Congress. Not God or Jesus. THE PEOPLE.

The Current Administration would like you to forget that.

Don't.

Weekend Part 3

Last Sunday was Superbowl Sunday. I forgot that( I like football) when I agreed to go with a friend to see Noises Off at the Geffen Playhouse.

It was an absolute delight.  The play is a British Farce, complete with people coming in and out of doors in split second timing.  The play is in three acts, a not-so-wonderful troop of actors is rehearsing a play in the first act and it all goes sideways.  The second act is behind the stage, where you see the play, farther along in the run, where the relationships between the actors and the director have gone totally off the rails, but they are committed to getting the show on. The third act is an attempt to put on the play one final time.

The actors were wonderful.  I was HOWLING during the second act, where the actors, mindful of the play going on on the other side of the wall, express their feelings silently but LOUDLY with their facial expressions and pantomime.

Great play , just what I needed, to laugh like that!

We went to dinner afterward- Chris' back is still out AND my car is in the shop (yes AGAIN) So he picked me up and we went to a place I had heard raves about but have never gone, Versailles. It's Cuban food and YEARS ago there was this great place in NoHo- the name escapes me and it is gone now anyway- The specialty of the house at Versailles is garlic chicken, but I make that myself and and I remember loving the Cuban version of Arroz con Pollo at the place in NoHo  I was looking forward to it.  It was.. meh.  I was missing something in the rice and the chicken was way overcooked, almost to the point of dry even though it was cooked in the broth.  I was underwhelmed. 

Still there was enough leftover to make a meal for both me and Chris on Monday, so I can't really complain.  Not a big fan of plantains which were part of the dish.

Weekend Part 2

 After we got home from the Zoo, Chis told me that his back was MUCH worse and he would not be able to make it to the House Concert we had both been looking forward to.  I called my BFF and she was available at the last minute so off we went.

Most House concerts ask you to bring something to share, so I double checked with the artist and she said her friends were providing "some food" and to bring what I wanted to drink.  My friend and I decided to get food beforehand and stopped at the White Harte in Woodland Hills.  I had a lovely beet, brussels and  cauliflower "Salad" the cauliflower and the brussels were warm and the beets were cold and placed on a bed of Spring mix.  She had a really nice sausage roll.  Excellent meals.  The funny thing about beets is, I refused to eat them as a child. Ok so maybe my mom making HOT pickled beets did scar me, they smelled and tasted horrid.   Tried them again as an adult- not pickled, nor heated- and I found I really liked them. My friend had a similar aversion but tried these and was also surprised that they tasted...good!   Nice little pub, good food, decent prices, good service. 

The House Concert featured Bernie Barlow (please visit BernieBarlow.com to hear her!) and Little Days.  They were- and probably are- trying to get funds to cover their upcoming East Coast Tour (and if you are reading this and can see them PLEASE DO!)  I "found" her when she sang background vocals for the wonderful Cindy Alexander.  I picked up her solo CD " redeemed" and will be writing a more comprehensive review for this and other sites, suffice it to say I really like it!

The House Party crowd was warm and welcoming and the "some food" appeared to be a table FULL of goodies.  We found comfy chairs on the patio near the heater and settled in.  

The band was great.  they were test running the set they will do on the road and it  was great. I really got lost in some of the music. Little Days was particularly intricate.  

We left soon after the show ended.  It was a lovely night.

Check out both bands  

https://www.littledays.net/

https://www.berniebarlow.com/

And stream Bernie Barlow's new single "Stay Right There" on whatever platform you listen to!

More about Sunday's adventures later today.

Weekend Part one

 I needed a respite from the firehose of BS currently being spewed almost hourly by Felon47

On Saturday morning we took advantage of our LAZOO membership and got in an early morning with the animals.  They have a new "Children's Zoo, where you can see but no longer pet, the goats.  The sign says they are "enjoying their Golden years" ( read they weren't putting up with kids anymore, I suppose)  It looks like a nice addition, although since it was early morning, not all the animals were up and about.  

The meercats were super active  as were the flamingos.  We had a delightful conversation with the Zoo docent there, Rissa.  She pointed out the black underside of the flamingo wings- usually they are NOT moving much, but it was feeding time and they were MOVING.  

I love the giraffes and the baby was posing so I got a lot of pictures, I will post the best of them on my FB page.  We saw the elephant getting their pedicure 

The baboons were going NUYTS. It looked like one of them had broken a rule and the rest of them were screaming and chasing him.  He went up a palm tree and continued to SCREAM at the rest of the troop ( Fun fact I had heard that t a group of baboons is called a Congress and I looked it up to be sure.  It is not and I am sad about that)  He leapt off the tree and onto another baboon.  I anticipated blood, but thankfully there was none.  A Zoo worked said they do that all the time, he said they were really "rumbling" last week.

I am thankful the zoo has electric scooters as Chris threw his back out on Friday night.  He felt well enough to go to the Zoo, but by the time we got home it was much worse, so the House Concert we had planned to go to was out for him.

More on that in my next blog, hopefully later today- my car, the one the mechanic calls "the Ferrari" had an electrical problem.  I hope they find it and fix it.

Ramblings on a Saturday morning

 Up.  Having coffee. trying not to doom scroll but it is inevitable

I see Felon47 appointed a Faith Nazi to make sure we all adhere to the NeoCon version of Christianity.

YOUR faith doesn't matter.  We will ALL follow the Right Reverend Paula White-Cain .Now THERE is an ironic name if ever I heard one. Blind to anything but what she wants to see?  Probably, although I think Paula really wants to see more ducats in her bank account.

Are you any faith other than Paula's version of the Bible?  Sorry, according to the Executive Order by Felon 47  NO  you are not.  They seem to be particularly peeved at the Lutherans.  Catholics are probably up next, although Missing in action VP Shady Vance is purported to be Catholic, so maybe the Jews are next on the hit list?  Muslims are already practically illegal.

This is just another example of The Republican Administration wanting to burn the Constitution and  file articles of Incorporation so they can appoint someone CEO. that someone will most likely NOT be doddering old Felon47.  They used him and his base to get into power and unless a whole lot of us do something, this is where we are headed.

Ugh

Digressing.  I had a really weird dream last night.  I have been having them- probably related to the anxiety the news is causing me:

I was at a House Concert ( which I am going to this evening, please check out the music of Bernie Barlow- you can thank me later)  The concert turned into a Hindu street fair where a lot of weird things happened, but the weirdest was when they let frogs go.  The frogs went thru some fire that did not burn them, but changed them into snakes.

Let's not get Freudian about it.  It was just weird.

Off to the Zoo for a Members only morning.

I will NOT be visiting the Reptile House.

While there is time, let's go out and feel everything

 I wish I had written this this morning when it was fresh in my head, but I was on my way to work, so I didn't

I have been thinking about a lot of things regarding the current state of the United States. It scares me and I keep hoping that someone- or a group of someones can stop the tide of madness that is the current Republican Party.  Unstable, unqualified candidates for Cabinet?  Let them in without vetting because our Lord and Master, the Second Coming Orange JEEZUS says we must.

Again I wonder what he has on all of them.

I heard a song on the radio- well I listen to streaming so it was my "Jackson Browne station- that made me think

Stevie Winwood's "Finer things"

While there is time
Let's go out and feel everything
If you hold me
I will let you into my dreams
For time is a river rolling into nowhere
We must live while we can
And we'll drink our cup of laughter

The finer things keep shining through
The way my soul gets lost in you
The finer things I feel in me
The golden dance life could be

I've been sad
And have walked bitter streets alone
And come morning
There's a good wind to blow me home
So time be a river rolling into nowhere
I will live while I can
I will have my ever after

The finer things keep shining through
The way my soul gets lost in you
The finer things I feel in me
The golden dance life could be

We go so fast, why don't we make it last
Life is glowing inside you and me
Please take my hand, right here where I stand
Won't you come out and dance with me, oh
Come see

And lovers try
'Til they get the best of the night
And come morning
They are tangled up in the light
So time be a river rolling into nowhere
And they love while they can
And they think about the night so sweet

The finer things keep shining through
The way my soul gets lost in you
The finer things I feel in me
The golden dance life could be

The finer things keep shining through
The way my soul gets lost in you
The finer things I feel in me
The golden dance life could be

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Steve Winwood / Will Jennings

The Finer Things lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Universal Music Publishing Group

The lyrics spoke to me in a way that made me think.  Recently, several of my friends who are my age have passed and as one is wont to do when that happens, I am looking back over my life AND I am looking at the now of my life.  "While there is time, let's go out and feel everything"  I wonder if I want to feel everything? Maybe. Although I tend  to feel that Stevie is not talking about feeling scared or helpless, but about all that life has to offer. Letting our souls get lost in one another.

Nothing is certain, but we plan anyway. That is hope. People who know me say I am a planner, which to some extent I am. But I think my planning is rooted in the hope that my plans will be necessary and will result in the end product of hope; joy.

As we watch two of the most vindictive and cruel people in most recent times work to dismantle a 249 year experiment, we must retain hope and work toward the outcome we desire.  We must rise.

History Months

 I see the White Males who are currently fouling up ever part of our Nation are so FRIGHTENED  by the THOUGHT that someone might lean that there were people OTHER than White Males in the world they have canceled any "History Month"  removed any teaching of ANYONE who isn't a White Male from Armed Services Classes and either taken down or covered with brown paper, the portraits on the walls of ANYONE who isn't a White Male.

American History in school is mostly His Story with a few women or non White Males tossed into the salad for flavor..

I wonder if they are denying that Barrack Obama was President?  Oh yeah  They are still clinging to the Birther Story that The Republican Administration holds dear.

Poor sad little men.

They are afraid that if we learn any history other than that of White Men it will somehow damage them.  If THEY are not seen as the ONLY ones who can DO anything, then they can't keep their boots on our necks.

So, if you are reading this, please participate in the pissing them off by posting, for this month, Black History.  I want to learn about Black Americans who invented, who created, who changed things.  Give me new heroes in the world to admire.  

They can make it no longer official - or they can try, I see my City is still embracing it all!- but they can't stop all of us.

How we learn to be brave

 I am also reading "How we learn to be brave" by Marianne Edgar Budde.  If the name doesn't ring a bell, she's the Bishop who had the backbone to ask trump to show mercy.  

For all his photo ops with upside-down Bibles and groups of "ministers laying on hands" while he tries to look more pious and less aroused, He is not, and never has been , a Christian.

What is the saying ? "Standing in a church and declaring you're a Christian is a lot like standing in a garage and declaring you're a car"  

I went to Church as a kid. When I became a Teen, I saw the hypocrisy of the Church I went to and several others and decided that  this was not for me. I can, however spit out random Bible phases that might apply to the situation at hand

Matthew 7:16 says "By their fruits ye shall know them"

Take a look at the person in the Oval Office.  Does HE embody Jesus greatest command- "Love ye one another"?

I think not.

I was reading a mystery recently. I like Mysteries  there is usually a beginning a middle and an end and in the current state of the world, it's nice to have the solution in a nice neat package.   In the book , the choir was practicing "Onward Christian Soldiers"  and it struck me what an absurd thing that hymn was.  After all, they call Jesus "the Prince of Peace" but here they are putting him at the head of an army ready to do battle with some unidentified Foe with banners ablaze.

See why I stopped going to church?

Budde's book details her journey of faith and references many other leaders of faith.  It is well written and gives me a lot to think about.  I had heard she was getting threats and that there were a lot of bad reviews of her book- which became an overnight best seller, I had to buy a Kindle copy which would up on my desktop.   It looks like Amazon culled the bad reviews and are only allowing verified purchasers to review it so she is back to having mostly 5-star reviews.

My faith is my faith.  I do not feel the need to win you over to my way of thinking.  I cannot be shamed into changing my mind.  I do, however, feel that there are some who say they are Christian who use hate and fear to keep their flock in line.  I saw a video of a young girl, forced to apologize to the congregation for getting pregnant.  They were shaming her, but where was her partner in this. I'm pretty sure there was ne, since the last time that happened three guys showed up with weird presents (what the heck is Myrrh anyway?)  the minister was practically salivating as he shamed this poor child.

See why I stopped going to church?

Still I am enjoying her book and admire this woman of faith and courage, who asked the newly elected president to follow the teaching he professed to follow (conveniently ditching them as soon as he was elected). Donny-boy looked pissed.  I suppose he thought he was going to be praised and blessed and fawned over (I wonder if that happened the last time)  He was in for a surprise and boy did his cult members take it personally.

Maybe they should read Matthew 5-7

I bought a book today

 I just bought my own copy of Timothy Snyder's brilliant , thought provoking book "On Tyranny Twenty Lessons from the 20th Century"

I had checked it out from the library, but quickly realized that having it for three weeks was not going to be enough and I needed to own it.  I am rather selective these days as I have more books than bookcases and my filing system has gone to shit- I am sure my librarian friends would be horrified!

I bought the book from Skylight Books , an independent bookstore in the Los Feliz area.  I am doing my best NOT to buy from Amazon and more from small businesses when possible.  It was a bit of a drive BUT I also stopped at Yuca's Hut and got a machaca burritos so TWO FOR TWO on small businesses ( Seriously if you are in LA and haven't been to Yucas'  WHY NOT???)

It's a small book. One could read it in an afternoon, but should not.  Each chapter has much to consider and much to digest.  In the chapter "Be calm when the unthinkable arrives" he compares the Reichstag fire that gave Hitler his power to what could happen here.  The Parliament of Germany gave Hitler the power to  rule by decree.  He then got rid of them.  Anyone who opposed him was taken to a Camp.  

The Republican lead Congress is close to doing this, unaware that once they do he will remove them from their power. They think he will let them keep milking the American public and do what THEY want and not what is good for the people. The think he will remove all the Democrats  from Congress. Nope.  He will just do whatever HE wants.

We live in scary times.  I see people I knew once CHEERING for the horrible things he does, but Karma is not a bitch,  She's a sweet old lady who serves you the same tea you've been serving people for years.

Let's hope the tea party happens before too long

Rough draft of a poem I have been kicking around.

 

The wind whipped the fire

into a frenzy

consuming everything

in its surroundings.

Ash blew before the wind

containing pages of  book that fell

into my hands

More ash contained

once living things

and people's dreams

that may 

be gone

and rise again.

GroundHog Day

 Well it looks like Punxsutawney Phil- that prognosticator of prognosticators- has seen six more weeks of Winter.

I am hoping for decent rain in Central California to fill the reservoir that Felon47 had emptied as a grandstanding play.  That water was the summer stock to water their fields and farms.

I bet they are glad they voted for him.

I am trying not to freak out, but Felon 47 is imposing tariffs and gleefully telling people that "the middle class will suffer" probably to assuage his supporters who are NOT Middle Class into thinking they will be spared the suffering.

They will not.

I wonder if Felon47 really believes that the countries being taxed will pay the tax or if he just wants YOU to believe it.  they taught this in Sixth grade when I was a kid, I wonder if it is addressed at all in schools .  He seems to have a thing for William McKinley who was so bad at the end of his presidency he single-handedly destroyed his party.

Make no mistake about it, even though he campaigned promising to lower the cost of "groceries" and watch his interview, it's like he never heard the word before and I almost expect him to say something like "nobody knows that word: Groceries" Food costs are going to skyrocket.  

Next on the list is converting from the dollar to Cryptocurrency.  We live in scary times.

We must fight back.  I am appalled at what appears to be the defeatism of the Democratic Party.  WHERE is the fight?  Our way of life, our very existence is being threatened and they do   NOTHING?

I don't know what we can do, but we can't let Felon47 and his ilk destroy us.

Rabbit Rabbit

 I woke up this morning, thinking that since it was the first of the month, I should say "Rabbit, Rabbit"

It's supposed to bring good luck and after the Year of January we just went through ( seriously, the longest month EVER) I thought it couldn't hurt.

Once again I am trying to write every day.  I had a dream in which I was told that what I would write this month would help someone and I needed to get to it.  I put some stock in dreams and I hope this month of work WILL help someone.

Maybe that someone is me. 

The speaker in the dream told me that it was important, so here goes.

I am horrified at what Felon47 is doing and yet he supposedly has a 50% approval rating . Polls are often super skewed and I wonder where they got these figures- certainly not by asking almost anyone I know.

Statistics can be tricky and can be made to reflect anything if you skew it right.  yes, I know Math is Math and not subject to opinion, but I often think about this example of statistics:

A man running for Sherriff in a  small town states "My opponent is soft on crime!  Last year our murder rate went up 100%!!!"  The statistic was the year before there had been no murders, that year there had been one.

Was he right?  Technically, yes but the inference that there was blood running in the streets was certainly a misleading use of statistics.

I think the polls are taken in areas where the pollsters will get the desired result, not the truth.

Felon47 is currently SUING a pollster who had the temerity to post a poll saying he would lose.  Poor little snowflake.  He currently holds the office of President.  I won't say he's sitting in the Oval Office, because I highly doubt he is going to spend much time there- after all it's SATURDAY and he spent all week writing Executive Orders, many of which are only meant for him to be able to tell his base that he did what he said he would, even if it is illegal and will not hold up in court.

I would be willing to bet he is at Mar-a-Lago , playing golf, The money he charges us for his trips and to put up his Secret Service detail in his hotels should make all of us ill.  He charges them top dollar.

I don't have the energy this morning to talk about what is going on, but he is certainly running the Hitler playbook.

So, Rabbit Rabbit!  I read that if you forget to say it in the morning you can say "Black Rabbit" before you go to bed or  "Tibbar, Tibbar"  that's Rabbit rabbit backwards