ANGRY?? You bet!

So, here I am  staying home, because I am so high risk it is not even funny.  Over the weekend Fat Donnie, the orange shitgibbon who tweets from his golden toilet, encouraged his minions to go out and protest the quarantine.  The Kicker?  ONLY in states with Democratic Governors.

I see people posting all kind of shit and it's making me so angry I am using swear-words in this blog, which I do not normally do.  Normally, I try to be clever- witty even-and reasonable, but I am SO FREAKING PISSED at some of this nonsense I can't see straight.

1- The Corona virus is not killing people and it's all a Liberal scheme to get control ( yeah the entire world has come up with this huge plot to overthrow Fat Donnie)  NEXT

2  the news media is printing false information to keep us in our homes (this shit on Facebook, not credible media sources and SPOILER ALERT  Fox is not a credible source).NEXT

3  Fat Donnie knows more about medicine than the doctors and his handpicked team will tell up when it's safe to go back to work ( yeah  there isn't a SINGLE doctor on his team . unless you count Jared, who has experience Playing doctor with Ivanka- maybe) and LASTLY

4.We need to go back to work and our employers know what's best for us. ( big Business is losing money because you are not there, the millionaires are not worried about YOU they are concerned with their bottom line and you are expendable)


All these people whining about not being able to go to concerts or restaurants or to the beach who are now saying that since THEY   are healthy, they should be able to go.  Yeah carry it back to those of us who might not be able to fight it off.  I want those things too, but not at the cost of my life or someone elses/

They are saying "My body, my rights"  welcome to having a uterus.

Selfish bastards.

I am going to listen to my Mayor and my governor. That THING in the White House is just rying to appease his "friends" in the 1 %.

Quarantine Day... Whatever

we begin another week in quarantine.  I think that says it all.  I am going a wee bit stir crazy, but am working 9 hours days and frankly working this was is exhausting.  The need to stay busy, doing the work they are paying me for gets to be too much.  But it is what it is.

People say they are learning a new language or creating things.  Me?  I'm clearing up emails and tracking work.  It IS a normal part of my job, but I miss the interaction with my 72 seniors who call me to ask questions or get something fixed.   I hate paperwork.  I am sure there arte people out there who love it.

I wonder when all this will be over.  They cannot say and every time we think the news is good, it gets bad.  It;s hard to hold onto hope, when it's more like a ping-pong ball than a thing with wings.

I am hoping that this is done before June, that we will have a respite, and some kind of vaccine.  I think the Germans were working on something, and give it the the Germans, they can be pretty smart ( DISCLAIMER- my grandfather came from Germany)   Hope a vaccine or something can be done soon.  The anti-vaxers, or whatever name they are calling themselves these days will still rely on herd immunity, but just HOW do we get that immunity?  VACCINES!  sigh.

Back to work in a few.  I am making a  list of all the people I need to have over to dinner and all the places I need to go to when all this is over!

It's a LONG list.

new routines

Every workday morning, my alarm goes of at 6 am.  Sometimes I wake up before it goes off and I am thankful.  I am beginning to resent the relentless beeping until I can reach across my nightstand and FIND the button.  It is an unpleasant way to start off. 

I put on my robe and slippers and pad downstairs to make coffee and to think about what I am making for dinner.  yeah.  at 6 a.m.   I am looking in the freezer and the fridge to decide what to do about it.  I sit down at my computer and check my personal email and answer a few posts.  I do a breathing treatment during all of this and I drink at least ONE cup of coffee.  I am supposed to be limiting what how much coffee I am drinking,  but it is my only saving grace, so coffee it is.  I eat something while I am writing this blog which I am TRYING to do every day. 

I wait for the anxiety medications to kick in and I log into my daily work assignment.  It's hard to work from home.  I miss the camaraderie and the daily emergencies that make up the bulk of my job.  I was NOT cut out for paperwork.  I loathe it.

This staying inside is getting to me, but it's still raining.  Once it stops, I SWEAR I am taking a camp chair and a mask and sitting in the sun in the carport.  The family in #4 smokes like they own stock in the Marlboro Company, so sitting in the courtyard is right out.  They ALWAYS have their door open.  Their relationship with one another is LOUD, if you get my drift.  Apartment life.  Sometimes, they really make me miss living in a house..

I'd better get ready to go to work.  I DO wear work clothes- not mu usual dresses but I am NOT in sweats or PJs- although I do wear fuzzy socks, but I AM in my house and I don't wear shoes in my house.

Today is Good Friday.  I will take a moment at some point today to reflect on what that means around the world, and to me.  More on Easter thoughts this weekend.

If I don't "see" you HAPPY EASTER!!!!

April

I    In al of this, I had forgotten that April is National Poetry Month.   I always think about T.S. Eliot, "April is the cruelest Month" the opening lines to The Wasteland.  this morning, I read the first section" The Burial of the dead"  The Wasteland is a LONG poem and is best eaten in sections.   I like Eliot, and the first section of this poem is the perfect reflection of my mood these days; filled with reflection and longing.  I particularly "feel" the German passages  , especially Oed and leer das Meer, which I translate as Vast and empty is the sea.  I may be wrong, my German is a bit rusty, but it strikes a chord with me, nonetheless.

      As far as poets go, I love Charles Bukowski  ( it turns out a lot of what I write sounds like I am trying to mimic him, I'm NOT, it's just the way I write) and Mary  Oliver, whom I only recently was introduced to.  I'm sorry I didn't find her sooner.

           So, in this Cruelest month, where we are home  maybe reading and maybe reflecting and maybe celebrating poetry and its impact on our souls, whom do you suggest I read next.  I want someone new, not someone I would have already studied.  I have a degree in English!

                 Please comment and share your favorites!

You've gotta have faith

The dictionary defines faith as a noun, meaning a belief in someone or something: simple as that.   This week is Holy Week if you are a Christian, it's also Passover ( which is connected to what happened to Christ as he was home to celebrate Passover when they finally caught up with him. The Last Supper was probably a Seder gathering, but I digress, as usual)

I have been thinking this week a lot about the difference between faith as a noun and Faith as a Religion.  You can HAVE faith and be an atheist, a belief in something, just not God or a god.  To be honest, faith that it will be ok is what gets me out of bed in the morning.  I am, if you have not figured it out by now, a Christian, but I don't follow any particular form of it, I just believe.  I know there are those among my readers who do not believe and that's ok.  As the kids says , you do you.  Just leave me alone in my faith.  I don't like those among the Christian "Faithful" who condemn others.  I often think "who would Jesus hate?"  Since his greatest command was "Love ye one another"I'm gonna say no one.  So if you are a practicing Christian, please check yourself, maybe refer to John 13:34 if you are unclear on the concept.

I kind of got preachy here, sorry.

 I think in these times, we all have some sort of faith; faith in each other, faith in ourselves, faith that it WILL get better. It does not have to be a faith in the sense of an Almighty.  I think we need to lift each other up in these times.  That's the best kind of faith there is.

Hang in there.

Will Tuesday be good News day, or another paying dues day

I am NOT coping with being stuck in the apartment.  I thought I was doing ok but....

The chest pains are back in full force and no matter what I do about them- taking my doctor's advice- I can't seem to get them under control unless I go upstairs and lay down and since I am supposed to be working, that is not something I can do all the time.  I think I have my mother's Protestant work ethic weighing heavily on me.

Yesterday, Chris was trying to suggest something to help.  Poor Chris, I exploded on him when he suggested I try oil painting, which was something he did with his family and enjoyed.  I have NO TALENT whatsoever in the arts world   I know.  I have tried.  I just find it frustrating that I can't seem to make what is in my head appear on the  paper or the canvas.  I felt, and still feel, badly that I unloaded on him.  He's a good man and he was trying to help.

Sigh.


I just read an article in the New York Times that said STOP trying to be productive.  It outlines the reasons we THINK we have all this extra time and think we can do something with it.  We are beating ourselves up for not taking on a new hobby, learning a language, making home repairs, doing whatever it was we thought we could do with the"extra" time. The reality is  that in the "Extra" time we are coping with the new reality of our lives during the quarantine.  Sure, I have rearranged my pantry and am eyeing my spice rack, but anything else?  Nope.  I haven't even READ, which is my passion.  I have been watching bad TV but just how many episodes of Forensic Files and the First 48 are there?  ( I have already gone through all of the Say Yes to The Dress and  "Love it or List it")  I am watching baking shows and become addicted to the trashy "Married at First sight" which is part science experiment and part Maury Povich.  Tomorrow night is the final episode. I have my bets as to who stays together and who walks into Divorce Court.

I realized at some point that the "horrible commute" was my "down time", I listened to books or sang along with old music or talked to friends via my Bluetooth in my car.  That is gone now. I really think it helped me to decompress and switch gears either going into or coming home from work.  Funny to make that connection.

Someone suggested ( it's my neighbor who thinks everyone has a book in them) that I write a novel.  I don't DO characters, so my novel would be based on real stories and I would probably lose a few friends and wind up in court.  So I continue in this little blog, hoping people are reading it and it gives them a laugh ( either with me or at me) and something to think about.

Monday- I think it's Monday

Days string out when you are home and in one place, don't they?  I wonder how Anne Frank kept track in her diary, maybe she wrote at the same time every day?  Talk about commitment, but there was probably little else to do.  In all of this, I keep seeing meme's about her, but I am thinking about her Mother, not about her.  Frankly, and I can admit this now, I never finished reading her book.  She did not interest me as a teen and now we learn her book was heavily edited by her father, so there you are with that,  I wonder how the parents kept it going.  We have it easy by comparison.

Yet, yesterday I kind of lost it and told Chris that I  did NOT want to hear another statistic about the virus.  I can't.  I just can't right now.  Ok, chastise me, but I really am having difficulty with all the illness and death.  I just can't. I know I should know but it is weighing on my spirit.  Do you feel the same way, dear reader?

It rained all night.  I had left my office plant outside.  I had brought it home to keep it from dying  If it survived last night's torrent, it can live through anything.  As soon as it slows down out there, I will go and bring it in.

I have NOT had the energy or the gumption to do anything around her.  Yesterday was particularly bad and we ordered takeout from our favorite local Mexican place, Joselito's    They relaxed the alcohol rule and you can get drinks delivered with food.  I enjoyed a peach margarita.  It helped somewhat, but then I went off about the statistics.   I felt and still feel bad about it, but I know Chris understands.  I am lucky to be quarantined with him, rather than someone else or alone.  I don't think I could do that either.

I am calling friends who are by themselves and checking in with people to keep contact.  I AM working, so it's busy.  The rain is going to make for an interesting day and I had better get myself organized.

If you are reading this, thank you and stay safe!