This morning I woke up with the realization that I have been doing THIS job for 30 years. Not working for the Library ( off and on for 36) or working for the City of LA (40 last July) but THIS JOB, Branch Facilities Manager. My sister would say it's because I don't like change and maybe that's so. My original intent was to work 5 years, get budget experience and move on, maybe to the CAO's office. Didn't happen. First of all I never got to work on the budget, and I suppose I should be thankful as working with numbers is a nightmare for a dyslexic like me ; and secondly every time I thought about looking for another job, something happened. I had a baby. We had two earthquakes that destroyed branches and we had tow successful bond issues to help rebuild them. The construction projects were a lot of fun and we brought BOTH in "on time and under budget" Most of the time, I like what I do and I will say that I love my "peeps" out in the branches and see it as my mission to make sure that their working conditions are the best they can be. Some of them drive me absolutely around the bend, because they don't think logically. Someone once told em that "Common sense is a curse, not a blessing because you have to work with people who don't have it" True dat.
So today I am bringing in some goodies for my co-workers to mark the occasion. I was going to bake, but the stomach thing is back with both barrels and I am so tired from it, all I have wanted to do for the past tow days is SLEEP. GRRR. I have things to DO when I get home, but I collapse on the couch after the drive home during which I fight the exhaustion. I am going BACK to the original dosage and hope it will stabilize. I'm losing weight, which I need to do, but not like this!
February 2020 looks like the date I might be aiming for!
Wednesday, October 26, 2016
Saturday, October 22, 2016
Election Cycle
Why I am voting for Hillary Clinton
I am voting for Hillary. I feel she is the best candidate for the job. She has the experience and the temperament for the job. She understands diplomacy and can find Europe on the map ( just kidding with that one) She's smart and well spoken.I have read the Democratic and Republican Platforms. I am horrified by the STATED objective of the Republicans to appoint Supreme Court Justices who will be asked to overturn Roe v. Wade and the Marriage Equality Act. That alone is enough for me to vote Democrat. but that is not all.
The Orange Menace.
I have been following politics since 1968, when Bobby Kennedy was killed here in Los Angeles. I haven't always LIKED the candidates (I still find Nixon's slogan "Nixon's the one" to be ironic), but I have never been as frightened by a candidate as I am of Donald J. Trump. He started his campaign , smearing Mexican immigrants ( even if he was talking about the undocumented ones, I think he was really talking about how he felt about Hispanics period. His promise to "build a wall" is a rallying cry , but I get the feeling it's an empty threat. Trump does not understand the workings of Government.He asks Hillary why SHE didn't change the tax structure and promises that HE ALONE can make the changes we need in this country. I wonder if he slept through Government class in 12th grade. Doe he not understand the three branches of government with checks and balances, as the founders of this country created them?I wonder if he can name all three ( Executive, Legislative and Judicial, thank you very much) Does he not understand that Congress -the MAJORITY of them, not just one lone senator, are the ones who create our laws. Maybe someone should send him a copy of the Schoolhouse Rock video "I'm just a bill" I believe in the next few weeks he is going to do something worse than the things he said in his final debate when he basically said if he didn't win he was going to start a revolution. I think he is in over his head and is trying to NOT be elected, that he doesn't really want the job but he is beginning to set up his claims that the whole system is rigged against him, because he is is trying to get out of it with his "brand" still in tact. His followers are scary. I saw the picture of the guy holding the gun at the television , asking Trump to give him the word and he would shoot Hillary. Only fascist KILL their opponents or throw them in jail. I wonder if he realizes that he cannot dictate to or control a "special prosecutor", that's what got Nixon in so much trouble with Watergate. If you are considering voting for Trump simply because you don't like Hillary, try this: If you are voting for Trump because he "speaks his mind" put HIS words in Hillary's mouth and see if you would vote for HER based on the words alone. He is running on being a "political outsider" but the reality is, he is a political neophyte who has not done his homework on what the job is He thinks he is running for CEO. His BIG threat is about how Hillary is going to repeal the Second Amendment. Uh.. READ THE CONSTITUTION or have one of your surrogates explain it to you in words you can understand, Donald. The PRESIDENT does not have the power to change Amendments, that comes from Congress. But under-educated people will believe any soundbite that comes down the Internet and Trump is counting on them to vote. You really need to ask yourself if a man who can be baited by a tweet, who will storm out of interviews where they ask questions he does not want to answer and uses threats of lawsuits as a means of control is the person you really want with his finger on the launch codes. Anyone who thinks Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are ROLE MODELS should NOT be leading a republic (we are a republic, not a democracy and I wonder if he knows THAT !)
My fear is that people will assume that their vote does not count as they are predicting a landslide for Hillary. We ALL need to go out and vote. I will be proudly casting my vote for Hillary Rodham Clinton.
I am voting for Hillary. I feel she is the best candidate for the job. She has the experience and the temperament for the job. She understands diplomacy and can find Europe on the map ( just kidding with that one) She's smart and well spoken.I have read the Democratic and Republican Platforms. I am horrified by the STATED objective of the Republicans to appoint Supreme Court Justices who will be asked to overturn Roe v. Wade and the Marriage Equality Act. That alone is enough for me to vote Democrat. but that is not all.
The Orange Menace.
I have been following politics since 1968, when Bobby Kennedy was killed here in Los Angeles. I haven't always LIKED the candidates (I still find Nixon's slogan "Nixon's the one" to be ironic), but I have never been as frightened by a candidate as I am of Donald J. Trump. He started his campaign , smearing Mexican immigrants ( even if he was talking about the undocumented ones, I think he was really talking about how he felt about Hispanics period. His promise to "build a wall" is a rallying cry , but I get the feeling it's an empty threat. Trump does not understand the workings of Government.He asks Hillary why SHE didn't change the tax structure and promises that HE ALONE can make the changes we need in this country. I wonder if he slept through Government class in 12th grade. Doe he not understand the three branches of government with checks and balances, as the founders of this country created them?I wonder if he can name all three ( Executive, Legislative and Judicial, thank you very much) Does he not understand that Congress -the MAJORITY of them, not just one lone senator, are the ones who create our laws. Maybe someone should send him a copy of the Schoolhouse Rock video "I'm just a bill" I believe in the next few weeks he is going to do something worse than the things he said in his final debate when he basically said if he didn't win he was going to start a revolution. I think he is in over his head and is trying to NOT be elected, that he doesn't really want the job but he is beginning to set up his claims that the whole system is rigged against him, because he is is trying to get out of it with his "brand" still in tact. His followers are scary. I saw the picture of the guy holding the gun at the television , asking Trump to give him the word and he would shoot Hillary. Only fascist KILL their opponents or throw them in jail. I wonder if he realizes that he cannot dictate to or control a "special prosecutor", that's what got Nixon in so much trouble with Watergate. If you are considering voting for Trump simply because you don't like Hillary, try this: If you are voting for Trump because he "speaks his mind" put HIS words in Hillary's mouth and see if you would vote for HER based on the words alone. He is running on being a "political outsider" but the reality is, he is a political neophyte who has not done his homework on what the job is He thinks he is running for CEO. His BIG threat is about how Hillary is going to repeal the Second Amendment. Uh.. READ THE CONSTITUTION or have one of your surrogates explain it to you in words you can understand, Donald. The PRESIDENT does not have the power to change Amendments, that comes from Congress. But under-educated people will believe any soundbite that comes down the Internet and Trump is counting on them to vote. You really need to ask yourself if a man who can be baited by a tweet, who will storm out of interviews where they ask questions he does not want to answer and uses threats of lawsuits as a means of control is the person you really want with his finger on the launch codes. Anyone who thinks Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are ROLE MODELS should NOT be leading a republic (we are a republic, not a democracy and I wonder if he knows THAT !)
My fear is that people will assume that their vote does not count as they are predicting a landslide for Hillary. We ALL need to go out and vote. I will be proudly casting my vote for Hillary Rodham Clinton.
Friday, October 14, 2016
Trust and faith
Had a few late night conversations lately that have me pondering the questions of trust and faith. If your partner cheats on you, how do you forgive them? I know for me, it was always my line in the sand, "you go there- keep going" If you have broken my trust by breaking our vows, I can never trust you again. Some people can work it out and more power to them. It takes a powerful amount of love and forgiveness to move forward in a relationship where trust had been shattered. I always believed that you get out of one relationship before you get into another, and while I got into a relationship rather quickly after I left my ex ( who was serially cheating on me, I kept finding letters to various women on the computer and they all said the same thing " I know now that I love you"except he said that to a few of them in rapid succession) I did not leave him for another man. He had broken my trust and that was that. People criticize Hillary Clinton for staying with Bill after his well publicized affair with Monica and whatever else happened. I say this, if they were able to work it out, more power to them, In something like this, BOTH parties have to move forward together and be sure it is what they both want. It's hard, either way, but relationships ARE hard work most of the time. I am blessed with Chris. We talk all the time and that is what keeps us going forward together. That and I am crazy about him!
Faith is a tricky thing. I am not talking about belief in a deity, although my belief in a Higher Power has kept me somewhat sane. It works for me, although I understand if you don't. As long as you don't go around harming people, I'm good with you. I have a good friend who is going through the most horrific year. She has an incredible faith but she is faltering. Every time there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel, someone or something slams the door. It's hard to keep believing everything is going to work out when that happens. If you are reading this, send a bit of positive energy her way. She could use it today, especially. We lean on our faith in hard times, but I am trying to remember to be grateful in good times. To count my blessings and not to count what I do not have- yet. Everything in it's time, and if it is meant to be, it will be.
Faith is a tricky thing. I am not talking about belief in a deity, although my belief in a Higher Power has kept me somewhat sane. It works for me, although I understand if you don't. As long as you don't go around harming people, I'm good with you. I have a good friend who is going through the most horrific year. She has an incredible faith but she is faltering. Every time there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel, someone or something slams the door. It's hard to keep believing everything is going to work out when that happens. If you are reading this, send a bit of positive energy her way. She could use it today, especially. We lean on our faith in hard times, but I am trying to remember to be grateful in good times. To count my blessings and not to count what I do not have- yet. Everything in it's time, and if it is meant to be, it will be.
Wednesday, October 5, 2016
This is going to be hard to write
All the news about Kim Kardashian and her getting robbed at gunpoint have dredged up something I rarely talk about. On May 19, 1978, I was a nineteen year old newlywed and came home from school to start what I thought would be a weekend of finishing several term papers. I liked to get all my documentation together then do a massive "write", as I work best with a deadline.
Didn't happen.
Instead, I was followed home by three guys who kicked in the door to our apartment and tied me up, loaded a shotgun and put it to the base of my neck. My then-husband was a gun collector of sorts and they knew all about what he had. They ransacked the place and then began to touch me as a prelude to sexual assault. I cried and told them I was pregnant ( I wasn't) and begged them not to hurt my baby. For whatever reason, maybe the angels I cried out to , maybe my grandmother, whose presence I felt in the room, what ever it was , they left me alone. I was lucky. Turns out these guys would rob and rape. The cops who interviewed me after some of my things were recovered said it was the best thing he ever read in a police report. It did change and probably ruin my marriage, as my ex-husband never believed me, and always threw the incident into my face as if I had been and I deserved what happened to me if I had. I won't go into what happened between us that night, but suffice it to say, I never looked at him with the same eyes after what he did.
I see the horrible things being posted about Kim K. I am not a big fan of hers, but no one deserves the crap being said about her. As to it being a "publicity stunt"? I don't think she is dumb enough to commit a crime by filing a false police report to get attention to her latest project. Call her what you will, but the girl has serious marketing skills.
So, Kim, although you won't read this, I will tell you what I learned and what I told myself every time I replayed it in my head and all those sleepless nights when I tried to deal with what had happened to me. You did the right thing. Whatever you did to get out of the situation alive was EXACTLY the thing you should have done. If you had done anything different, you may not have come out alive. It's something victims need to hear. You would be surprised at how many "Monday Morning Quarterbacks" told me I should have done this or that. They were wrong.
I lived.
Didn't happen.
Instead, I was followed home by three guys who kicked in the door to our apartment and tied me up, loaded a shotgun and put it to the base of my neck. My then-husband was a gun collector of sorts and they knew all about what he had. They ransacked the place and then began to touch me as a prelude to sexual assault. I cried and told them I was pregnant ( I wasn't) and begged them not to hurt my baby. For whatever reason, maybe the angels I cried out to , maybe my grandmother, whose presence I felt in the room, what ever it was , they left me alone. I was lucky. Turns out these guys would rob and rape. The cops who interviewed me after some of my things were recovered said it was the best thing he ever read in a police report. It did change and probably ruin my marriage, as my ex-husband never believed me, and always threw the incident into my face as if I had been and I deserved what happened to me if I had. I won't go into what happened between us that night, but suffice it to say, I never looked at him with the same eyes after what he did.
I see the horrible things being posted about Kim K. I am not a big fan of hers, but no one deserves the crap being said about her. As to it being a "publicity stunt"? I don't think she is dumb enough to commit a crime by filing a false police report to get attention to her latest project. Call her what you will, but the girl has serious marketing skills.
So, Kim, although you won't read this, I will tell you what I learned and what I told myself every time I replayed it in my head and all those sleepless nights when I tried to deal with what had happened to me. You did the right thing. Whatever you did to get out of the situation alive was EXACTLY the thing you should have done. If you had done anything different, you may not have come out alive. It's something victims need to hear. You would be surprised at how many "Monday Morning Quarterbacks" told me I should have done this or that. They were wrong.
I lived.
Friday, September 30, 2016
More election thoughts
As more people I consider to be logical , reasonable, thoughtful people tell me they are voting against Hillary" because they can't stand her" I have been thinking about elections.
I am afraid of a world where a person like Donald J. Trump is the representative of this GREAT country. America is ALREADY GREAT. He is taping into your base fears and prejudices, lying and having you believe Barrack Obama is the Antichrist and he has cloven hooves where his feet should be ( thank goodness for the National Enquirer and People magazine for all those beach photos!)
Trump is a liar and a con man. He is playing out the biggest con of all. My ONLY hope is that the Republican Party will see this latest crime-that of BREAKING THE TRADE EMBARGO with Cuba during the BUSH administration ( so he can't even claim it was an anti Obama move) will qualify him for indictment NOT the Presidency. Seriously, I am afraid of a world where the wealthiest pay NO taxes and rub it in the faces of us poor stupid schlubs who actually believe it's our moral duty to pay our fair share. Does anyone believe in their heart of hearts that the recipients of large tax breaks will actually SHARE the wealth with the worker bees who help them earn it? If you do, I have a nice Bridge in Brooklyn you might want to purchase. Gee, following his logic, maybe we should eliminate ALL income tax, because as you KNOW, the rich will pay their share automatically and everything will be fine. The shrinking middle class is barely hanging on. Expect YOUR taxes to get larger and soon you too will be on the poverty line.
There's a line from a song "They sell us the President the same way they sell us our cloths and our cars" This is NOT, despite the way Trump is running his campaign, a Beauty Pageant. His "hard hits" on Hillary include insults to her looks and her health. The fact is, she IS smarter than he ever was in the world of diplomacy. Trump thinks- and he said this in the debate- that we just should have TAKEN the oil from the Middle East , then there would have been no ISIS. Uh... Want to really piss someone off? STEAL from them. Of course I don't believe Trump knows the difference between making an honest deal with someone and ripping them off. Whatever works to get it in his pocket. People with young sons and daughters should be afraid that this man will get us into a global war. I know I am afraid and it's no way to live.
Bernie Sanders is right in continually saying this is not time for a protest vote. We MUST defeat the Orange Menace, for the sake of all we believe. Take a look at what both parties are proposing, see what aligns with your core belief and vote.
Trump scares me.
I am afraid of a world where a person like Donald J. Trump is the representative of this GREAT country. America is ALREADY GREAT. He is taping into your base fears and prejudices, lying and having you believe Barrack Obama is the Antichrist and he has cloven hooves where his feet should be ( thank goodness for the National Enquirer and People magazine for all those beach photos!)
Trump is a liar and a con man. He is playing out the biggest con of all. My ONLY hope is that the Republican Party will see this latest crime-that of BREAKING THE TRADE EMBARGO with Cuba during the BUSH administration ( so he can't even claim it was an anti Obama move) will qualify him for indictment NOT the Presidency. Seriously, I am afraid of a world where the wealthiest pay NO taxes and rub it in the faces of us poor stupid schlubs who actually believe it's our moral duty to pay our fair share. Does anyone believe in their heart of hearts that the recipients of large tax breaks will actually SHARE the wealth with the worker bees who help them earn it? If you do, I have a nice Bridge in Brooklyn you might want to purchase. Gee, following his logic, maybe we should eliminate ALL income tax, because as you KNOW, the rich will pay their share automatically and everything will be fine. The shrinking middle class is barely hanging on. Expect YOUR taxes to get larger and soon you too will be on the poverty line.
There's a line from a song "They sell us the President the same way they sell us our cloths and our cars" This is NOT, despite the way Trump is running his campaign, a Beauty Pageant. His "hard hits" on Hillary include insults to her looks and her health. The fact is, she IS smarter than he ever was in the world of diplomacy. Trump thinks- and he said this in the debate- that we just should have TAKEN the oil from the Middle East , then there would have been no ISIS. Uh... Want to really piss someone off? STEAL from them. Of course I don't believe Trump knows the difference between making an honest deal with someone and ripping them off. Whatever works to get it in his pocket. People with young sons and daughters should be afraid that this man will get us into a global war. I know I am afraid and it's no way to live.
Bernie Sanders is right in continually saying this is not time for a protest vote. We MUST defeat the Orange Menace, for the sake of all we believe. Take a look at what both parties are proposing, see what aligns with your core belief and vote.
Trump scares me.
Monday, September 26, 2016
Bad week
It was a week of deaths in my circle and I am still thinking about it.
Last week, my friends lost not one but TWO members of their musical family. Ernie Cruz Jr drowned and two days later his brother succumbed tho the illness that had him in hospice. I cannot imagine the paint hat family is going through. My friends are devastated. How do you help someone who has lost two people in such a short time?
On Friday morning, I checked in with the family of a childhood friend of my sister's, Greg Bell, who had become a nominal Facebook friend. He had had a stroke and his nephew said that the surgery was a success and they were just waiting for him to open his eyes. I came home before going to my meditation group to find he had unexpectedly passed away. It hit me hard, not because we were ever great friends, I was the "little sister' and barely tolerated by my sister's very cool friends; but the last time I saw him he gave me that megawatt smile and a big hug, as if he were truly glad to see me. I believe he was. NO artifice about him. He was a talented musician and the tributes that are pouring in make me think about a few things:
Last week, my friends lost not one but TWO members of their musical family. Ernie Cruz Jr drowned and two days later his brother succumbed tho the illness that had him in hospice. I cannot imagine the paint hat family is going through. My friends are devastated. How do you help someone who has lost two people in such a short time?
On Friday morning, I checked in with the family of a childhood friend of my sister's, Greg Bell, who had become a nominal Facebook friend. He had had a stroke and his nephew said that the surgery was a success and they were just waiting for him to open his eyes. I came home before going to my meditation group to find he had unexpectedly passed away. It hit me hard, not because we were ever great friends, I was the "little sister' and barely tolerated by my sister's very cool friends; but the last time I saw him he gave me that megawatt smile and a big hug, as if he were truly glad to see me. I believe he was. NO artifice about him. He was a talented musician and the tributes that are pouring in make me think about a few things:
- Tell someone NOW how you feel. Don't wait until they are gone to post a heartfelt letter they will never read.
- Do something nice for someone, just because you can. A smile and a thoughtful word go a long way
- Time is precious and as the song that popped into my head after I heard the news says "From Moment to Moment your life can change." It's a cliche. but cliches are cliches because they are often true, that nothing is guaranteed us, except possibly this moment in time. Make the most of those moments
At my Angel Circle, which is what my meditation group focuses on, a few people told me that Greg was there. They did not know him, but I am sure he stopped in so that I could tell a few of his friends he wanted them to know he had made it to the other side. He's ok and says you shouldn't worry. I read a quote from him , talking to a friend about looking forward to that adventure, as if he knew what was coming his way. I took comfort in it. I firmly believe in angels, and if you don't. more's the pity. I believe we are made up of energy and our energy goes on to a different level when we leave the shell we call our bodies. Call it heaven, call it the next realm, whatever. We go somewhere when we 'die" in this world and I find comfort in knowing that this friend is at peace.
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
Taco Tuesdays
Well, it was Taco Tuesday in my office again today. And once again, they asked everyone but me if I wanted in. I am getting used to it. The tacos smell really good, everyone makes these smacking and yummy noises as they scarf down the food at their desks. I'm getting used to it, but I can't say I have gotten to the point where it doesn't bother me. I suppose I should just speak up about it, but I really don't want to. It's kind of like hearing about a party and inviting yourself. Everyone is embarrassed and you realize you are a grudging guest, not a welcome one. My office mates aren't really mean, just thoughtless. I came rather late to the office I work in and friendships and hierarchy was well established. Sometimes, I honestly think they forget I work there. I have three years left and I have worked in worse places and in worse conditions, My job is pretty busy and I am on the phone all the time, so there isn't time to brood on this, but it got me thinking about of all things... Junior High.
You hear all the time about how mean girls can get and sometimes I think about Eileen Sexton. Eileen was shy, with braces and a stutter and with a last name like Sexton.. well.. you figure it out. There were a few girls who kind of picked on her, just teasing her to the point of being upsetting. They never stuffed her in a locker or "pantsed" her on the gymfield, but I know it must have hurt. To this day, when I think about her, I am ashamed. I don't remember joining the taunts, but I did something worse. I did not speak up for her. I wish I had and when I think of her, I hope she went on to great success- she had a marvelous singing voice, something not many people knew about. I hope she grew up to have the most marvelous fantastic adventures ever. Eileen, if you are out there, I hope you can forgive what happened. Know that because of you, I often went up against the "mean girls" there were some that I encountered who were far meaner than just teasing someone about their name. I broke "friendships" because of it. I came to see that I did not want to be around people who picked on those whom they considered not as "cool" as themselves. It helped me to find good friends and to know who was just an acquaintance.
So, next Tuesday, around 10:30 when they begin talking about tacos, I am going to excuse myself; take my break. Put on my big girl panties. I really don't need tacos from the cart, when I can go to YUCA'S whenever I want!
You hear all the time about how mean girls can get and sometimes I think about Eileen Sexton. Eileen was shy, with braces and a stutter and with a last name like Sexton.. well.. you figure it out. There were a few girls who kind of picked on her, just teasing her to the point of being upsetting. They never stuffed her in a locker or "pantsed" her on the gymfield, but I know it must have hurt. To this day, when I think about her, I am ashamed. I don't remember joining the taunts, but I did something worse. I did not speak up for her. I wish I had and when I think of her, I hope she went on to great success- she had a marvelous singing voice, something not many people knew about. I hope she grew up to have the most marvelous fantastic adventures ever. Eileen, if you are out there, I hope you can forgive what happened. Know that because of you, I often went up against the "mean girls" there were some that I encountered who were far meaner than just teasing someone about their name. I broke "friendships" because of it. I came to see that I did not want to be around people who picked on those whom they considered not as "cool" as themselves. It helped me to find good friends and to know who was just an acquaintance.
So, next Tuesday, around 10:30 when they begin talking about tacos, I am going to excuse myself; take my break. Put on my big girl panties. I really don't need tacos from the cart, when I can go to YUCA'S whenever I want!
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