End of the Year

Remember when you were a kid and you struggled to stay awake until Midnight to welcome in the New Year.? Or when you were a twenty-something and you spent all day getting ready for the big party?  I guess I am just a boring old lady, because I am looking forward to doing NOTHING on New Year's Eve- well, by nothing, I mean I am looking forward to a quiet night on the couch with my husband and a movie.  Nothing nicer, at this stage of the game than having nothing but to do but that.  The holidays can be a mad whirl with too much to do and not enough time. New Year's Eve is a time to reflect and to look forward, isn't it?  Are you making resolutions?  I never much saw the point, but I usually resolve to have one new volunteer experience in the new year.  I will see where that takes me.  In the past, I have volunteered for Operation Gratitude ( still do that when I can)  the LA Marathon ( this will be our TENTH year out there, want to join me?) McGroarty Arts Center ( I'm on the Board, so you know how that one worked out!)  I also do a lot of volunteer stuff related to my job at LAPL.  I don't think I am supposed to do that, but it's MY time if I wish to show up on a Saturday and help out where I am needed.  The WORST experience I have ever had was with the Burbank Rose Parade float people.  They treated their volunteers horribly, it was almost like something out of Dickens, with some of us working on a very dusty project while those in charge stood around eating snacks and yelling at us for drinking WATER near the worktable.  You NEVER yell at volunteers, in my book.  It is the one place I will never go back to. Their behavior was elitist and quite rude, as if they were doing US a favor, by allowing us to work on their precious float.  Someday, I would like to work on a float again, but need to look into the "how" of it.  The rules can be confusing.  If you don't work before the end of the month, they won't accept you during the last week.  Makes sense I suppose, they don't have time to train you during "crush week".  Maybe next year I will look into it, just NOT Burbank.  The dust and the people left a bad taste in my mouth.

Happy New Year!  May we see better days in 2013!

Women's rights and other rants

I have been thinking about two news stories and I have to say something.  First, the horrific rape and murder in India.  Apparently this sort of crud happens a lot there and the response is that women should not leave their home or wear clothing that provokes attack.  WHAT?  This was the same lame excuse used by that dentist in the Midwest, whose mid-life crisis fantasies cost his assistant her job- one she had held for TEN YEARS.  Really? His wife found out he was "lusting in his heart" for the woman and demanded she be fired.  Nice.  Blaming the victim is popular in many cultures.  I can't tell you how many times I was told "you made me do that" as if this person had no free will of his own.  Are men SO weak that mere clothing forces them to behave like knuckle dragging Neanderthals?  There is a new movement afoot; one that focuses on teaching boys how to behave, not teaching girls how to avoid assault.  I doubt it will do much good, but I can always hope.  I have the same feeling about gun control.  I don't think this is the answer to problems like the one at Sandy Hook.  Attention to mental health issues might have done more good here.  They are yelling about the mother having guns in the house.  Do you really for one minute think that she would have kept them if she thought the boy would use them to kill her?  Who is to say they were not locked away, but he got to them anyway?  She paid the price along with the rest of the innocent victims.  It is probably not a popular thing to say, but she didn't deserve to die either. The kid had major mental health issues.  I wonder how much of his problems were being swept under the rug.  Guns in the schools won't solve the problem either.  Remember Virginia Tech?  They had their own police force.  Ft Hood was a military base, for crying out loud.  It is easy to say that these tragedies could have been prevented if everyone was packing, or if no one was packing.  But where do you draw the line?  Timothy McVeigh blew up a building using , among other things, fertilizer.  My point is that the crazy person will always be able to come up with something to cause mayhem. We need to figure out how to help them BEFORE they get to that point.

Friday morning musings

I was up earlier than usual this morning.  I kept having the same nightmare and got tired of falling back into it when I fell back to sleep, so I got up and petered around the kitchen.  I have taken a small "hiatus" from blogging, but am going to try to get back into writing SOMETHING every day.  Ray Bradbury wrote 1000 words every day.  I don't think I have THAT kind of drive.  I don't think in stories and I wonder how that is done?  I know I enjoy the act of putting something down on paper ( or in this case , on the screen) but I wonder how to start writing something that is fictional.  I was listening to a writer whose book I just finished listening to, talk about her approach to the creative process.  She said she doesn't know where the story will take her, she begins with a character and an incident and goes from there.  I might give that a try.  By nature, I am a "planner" and those who know me know that I try to see all the pitfalls that might occur before I set out on a project and plan accordingly.  It's probably not the best way to approach a creative project and I will need to learn to "go with the flow" more than I do.   I am probably a better manager than an artist, although I do enjoy the creative process it has been a long time since I have done anything I wanted to share ( other than these rather self-indulgent blogs, that is!)  So, my artistic friends,  how do YOU approach the creative process, do you think, or just feel and go?

So, this is Christmas

Of all the Christmas Carols running thru my head today, the John and Yoko Christmas song keeps replaying.  Not your traditional carol or even the novelty songs we sing sometimes.  I wonder why THAT song is ear-worming me this morning.

What does Christmas mean to me, I am wondering.  When you are a kid, it's presents and Santa and time off from school.  As an adult, I consider the holiday to be more about remembering friendships that have made the year better and a time for thanking people who are in my life.  It's certainly not about presents, and since I don't have a small child anymore, it's not about Santa.  The Winter holiday season is about reflecting on your blessings and letting people know you appreciate them.

The whole "Jesus is the reason for the season" thing drives me crazy.  Jesus is ONE reason for the season, not the only one.  I identify as Christian, but there ARE other holidays at this time.  I think that traditionally, Winter was a time when people slow down and had more time to reflect on things and gather together to celebrate life and the year that had passed.

This is Christmas Eve.  When I was a child, we would open our presents on Christmas eve.  My fatehr worked at  a restaurant and usually left for work around 11 pm.  When we were really little, my mom would put us to bed around 7 and scramble to get the presents under the tree and then wake us up telling us Santa had come.  That way, my Dad got to see us open the presents.  Christmas Day the house was opened for friends to stop by and visit.  When we got older,we would open them up around 8 pm.  It was hard to wait!  When I got married and had a child, my then-husband INSISTED we adhere to HIS family tradition of Christmas morning.  It never was the same for me.  I missed the Christmas Eve family time  The "Open one present" thing never worked for me either,  I want to open EVERYTHING Christmas eve.  I still find it hard to wait!

Now with my family scattered all over and unable to get together for one reason or another, this Christmas was a little blue.  I miss my folks.  I baked my mom's anise bells this year for the first time since she passed on.  I made her fruitcake ( she always made it without nuts for me when I became allergic as an adult).  I am looking forward to Christmas dinner with some dear old friends and some brand new ones.  I am making the traditional dish of the Myers family - Lasagna!

Here's another "Christmas Song" lyric that resonates   Greg Lake's "I believe in Father Christmas" ( in which he decries the commercialism of Christmas)

 I wish you a hopeful Christmas
I wish you a brave New Year
All anguish, pain and sadness
Leave your heart and let your road be clear.
They said "There'll be snow at Christmas"
They said "There'll be peace on Earth"
Hallelujah, Noel!
Be it Heaven or Hell
The Christmas we get we deserve.

So, if you are reading this, thank you for being in my life.  We may not talk every day, except online, but I am blessed to have so many people I can call my friends. May YOU get the Christmas you deserve, and I mean that not in a mean way but may you get all the joy of the season and none of the sorrow.

Merry Christmas!

Falling down on the job

Sigh.  I had meant to do this every day, and I TRIED, really I did, but some mornings I was just too fuzzy from lack of sleep and some mornings, I put my hands on the keyboards and.. nothing. 

So , today was supposed to be the "End of the World"  but that appears not to have happened.  It should have started yesterday anyway in Australia, right?  I always said they just ran out of room on the stone.  So much for the Mayan Apocalypse. 


I have been reading a lot about the Kennedy Administration lately.  I got the book and the recordings Jackie and Arthur Schlesinger Jr made in the months after the assassination.   Listening to her was like stepping back in time.  She had a cultured voice, her tone carefully measured.  I wondered how much she was holding back in those conversations.  At times she sounded tired, sometimes laughing, sometimes you can hear her straining to remember something.  Fascinating and quite brave to talk about things that were, to preserve them for future generations.  It could not have been an easy task.   There are some surprises in in, I had to rewind when she said she loathed the French.  I am sure she meant the French leaders, not the French people.  It's funny really, as in my mind I closely align her with things French, but she was more concerned with American history, although as a woman of the 50's she was not educated in that way.  I get the sense that women of her background were taught things they would need to host dinner parties and to run a household, not to discuss politics  or even to exercise critical thinking.  The fact that she went back to school after her marriage to Jack Kennedy speaks loudly to the type of woman she was and the type of marriage they had. You get a glimpse of that classic 50's mindset when she talks about NOT asking her husband about  his day and creating a perfect place for him to relax. Such a different time.  I don't think I could have done that, but then I was educated in a different manner. I am also trying to read "Death of a President"  which was the authorized book on the event. It is well written, but a difficult read right now.  A bit heavy for the holiday season. I remember exactly where I was when I heard about it; in  the back of my parents' green Pontiac at the corner of Bartee and Van Nuys.  My mom pulled the car to the curb and wept.  I was five.  I did not understand but she kept wailing about "that young man" and his children. 

Anyone want a fruitcake?   I seem to have one extra.  The first person reading this and responding can have it!  I love the fruitcake, but I have too many of them. I forgot to take it to a party I was going to, I took something else.  Chris and I shouldn't eat everything I bake.  We are almost done with the cookies. I gave most of them away or sold them at the McGroarty bakesale last weekend.  THAT was a great success, I think.  The place was packed with happy chili eating shoppers.  I sold the baked goods out- just about.  I was exhausted afterward and in a lot of pain.  It does my arthritis NO good to be standing in the cold for 8 hours.  The things we do for love, right?  I love the work we do in the Community, so this is part of my gift to them. 

Reality TV, Part 2

I was up late last night, baking.  I baked 6 1/2 dozen anise Silver bells.  I made  1/1/2 dozen haystacks.   SO I was watching tv in the livng room with my husband while I rolled out the cookies.  Last night was the big "build off" on that motorcycle show - actually I think there are three shows that do that sort of thing, they all look the same after a while.  No big shocks at the outcome.  Junior won ( again) I really was not enjoying what a HUGE GIT Jesse James is.  I keep thinking, "is he for real?"  He went so far as to insult the organizers of the competition, even after they bent over backward to give him extra time and make sure he could compete.  His bike was not all that special looking anyway.  He lost, but I am sure this morning he is blaming everyone else for it.  News flash, Jesse, being a "Bad boy" is one thing.  Being a complete a-hole is another.  You are not edgy, you're unlikeable.  Unrelenting ego with no redeeming qualities like compassion or even a sense of humor is not attractive.  I wonder what Sandra Bullock saw in this moron?

So, Dave Hester is claiming "Storage Wars" is staged.  Really!  What a shock!  Duh.  Hester is another one of those guys who was hired to play the "heavy" and when he loses the "game" takes his toys and goes home.  They "fired" him.  My husband loves that show, but not having to see his smirking face and hear him yell "YUUUUUP" when he bids is going to be a relief.  Maybe he's just a really good actor and he's rally a nice guy underneath it all.            Naw.


I will be baking my final round of cookies this evening.  The Silver bells set up nicely and I was thrilled with the results.  My cookies aren't magazine pretty, but they are baked with a lot of love. 

Christmas Traditions

I have begun my Christmas  baking, something my mother did every year.  It's hard to squeeze in the holiday baking along with long days at work and still being sick.  I saw my new doctor on Friday.  I like her ( whew!)  She talked to me about what is going on and she want to run more tests.  She gave me a new medication.  It is giving me very vivid nightmares.  UGH. I don't want to go back to sleep after one of them, so today might be interesting ( Coffee, work your magic)

My mom used to decorate the house at the first hint of December.   Me, not so much, and I really am having trouble getting into the holiday spirit.  Yesterday, I baked about 8 dozen chocolate chip cookies, five dozen oatmeal and four small fruit cakes.  I sugared the cranberries and will be baking cranberry bread this evening.  Maybe some more cookies.  I don't know how my mom did it all.  I wish she were here to ask.  The holidays are less bright without her, you know?

Still, I try my best to remember our traditions and bake and welcome our friends into our home.  I am looking forward to Christmas Day and dinner with friends.  I have to have Chris dig out MY favorite animated holiday special "A Wish for Wings that Work"  It's  Bloom County or Bill and Opus, but the message is good.  Opus wishes for wings that work, but finds that he alone has a special talent which will help to save Christmas.  Irreverent and sweet.  I enjoy it!  I have already seen "It's a Wonderful Life" too many times this year. The TV stations started showing it in the "One Movie Marathon"  I was talking about around Thanksgiving.  It makes it SO much less special when you run it into the ground that way.

Still, I hope the act of baking- if not the smell, as my sense of smell is on the fritz right now- will give me the Holiday spirit.  I am getting ready for the McGroarty Holiday Boutique this weekend.  Come on up and check it out. I usually work the bakesale.

John Lennon

I have been reading posts mourning the murder, 32 years ago, of John Lennon.  It doesn't seem that long ago, does it?  The most moving post was a plea from Julian not to make him too sad today.  I cannot imagine what it must be like to have the pain of this loss tossed in your face every year.  Most of the people posting, I am fairly certain, never knew or even met John Lennon.  We knew his music, not him.  When I think about John Lennon, which I sometimes do when I hear some of his music, I try to remember not how he died, but how he lived.  How his music touched and moved a generation. How his words and his melodies will continue to resonate, long after all of us are gone as well.  His music makes us dance, laugh sing and dream.  We think about the themes of anger and hope that carry through his work and the promise of the work he was beginning again in 1980;the thoughtful man he had become from the brash young "mop top" of our youth.  We miss the public John, the witty public face he presented.  There is a line from a poem about JFK  "What he was, he was.  What he is fated to become depends on us.  Remembering his death, how we choose to live will decide it's meaning."  Wise words when anyone dies, but especially poignant in the death of someone with so much more to do.  So for today, do not mourn John, celebrate him.  Sing dance and laugh. Listen to some good music. Rejoice.

Friday musings

A lot on my mind this morning...

Pearl Harbor Day.  I am thinking about my dad and about his brother, a man I never met.  My father's brother was at Pearl Harbor.  He witnessed the attack but like so many who were there could do nothing.  It must have been the most helpless feeling in the world.  Terrifying to be in the middle of that attack.  My dad said his brother was never "right" after that. Today we would call it PTSD, back then they were just told to deal with it.  I think that this in part lead to the falling out between the brothers; although Dad always said his brother had a different mindset and work ethic than he did.  I never met my Dad's brother, nor his children, although I know about them and I know their names.  Living out here in California, I don't really know any of my cousins, except the ones I talk to via Facebook.  Strange.

I am interviewing another doctor today and hope it will go well.  This last bout of asthma was the last straw with my former doctor.  I went to him in JULY to talk about my asthma and ask to be put back on the meds.  Now, Kaiser will "roll a pill " at just about anything, but he refused.  Wouldn't listen!  I have been asthmatic for about 15 years.  I know the warning signs.  I was having trouble.  This doctor just gave me a rescue inhaler and told me to use it.  I hate that.  The rescue inhaler just makes me feel spacy, breathing but spacy.  The maintenance meds keep me on an even keel.  So, it is with great hope I go to find a doctor I can trust.  Admittedly, this last guy gave me an inkling of what he would be like by having his nurse call me after I made an appointment to admonish me to "be on time.  Doctor hates it when patients are late"  EXCUSE ME?  I haven't even seen him yet and he assumes I am going to be late?  WTF?  I thought that was incredibly rude.

I got my car back.  I hope they put the oil in it.  Maybe I should check before I drive it.  The tow company brought it back to the house yesterday.  I hope my little car is ok!

St Nicholas Tag and cars.

It's St Nicholas Tag ( or St Nicholas Day) a children's holiday and the official start in my mind of the Christmas Holiday season.  On this day, children who have left a shoe out find a small gift inside the shoe.  I no longer have any children in the house,and I didn't have a chance to get anything anyway.  I've been super busy.  Am I ready for the holidays?  Nope.  I am thinking about baking this weekend, planning to do a bunch of it.  We will see.  My energy is zippo.  I have been running so hard ( not literally, but you know)  I have burned out.  I am trying to recharge my batteries.  Maybe getting into the holiday spirit will help.  I don't have time for the usual holiday courtesies at work.  I find myself WAY behind in where I want to be with my workload, so no parties for me. It's ok, really.  Like I said, I am having trouble finding my Merry this Christmas.

My car is still in the shop.  The starter was fixed ( whew) but the tow company damaged the transmission oil pan so they have it and are repairing it.  I hope they do a good job!  I will probably have someone I trust check out the work to make sure it's ok.  I was NOT happy that they did that, nor was I happy that the girl I spoke with at the tow yard tried to give me attitude about it.  TRIED.  I was NOT having any of it.  She intimated that WE had caused the problem!  Hello??   I was UNDER the car trying to find the starter so we could replace it. I would have been covered in transmission fluid if it had been leaking before they towed it.  I certainly didn't crack the part.  I hope I get my little car back today.  I miss it.

Serendipity

I am very interested in tracing my family tree. It turns out, my father's family had a pretty interesting American background.  One part came over with William Penn, and the Myers line served in the Revolutionary War.  My dad's great-grandfather was a prosperous mill owner, so much so that there is a school named after him in Cheltenham PA.  Pretty cool.  I have been looking for information about him and his wife, Jane, to no avail.  Yesterday, on a whim, I googled the school to see if I could find a picture of the front of the school to add to my FB page.  No luck but what I DID find was the site "Find-a- grave"  I went there and Lo and behold found someone had posted a small bio of Benjamin and Jane MCCABE Myers.  Wow.  I had been looking for her maiden name for ages and just tripped across her.  One more piece of the puzzle fitted!  Now I have to find Charles Parvin's wife Elizabeth and I will have gotten all of that side complete in my mind.  It's pretty cool to think of all of these people and what their lives were like.  I love history when it is not dry facts but the story of people.  I suppose I could use this information to file for membership in the DAR, an organization my mom thought was great, but I am not so sure.  Funny, I don't think she ever knew about my dad's family history, I don't think he knew all that much either although he did tell me about the William Penn connection once in passing.  I think if she had known, she might have encouraged me to apply.  I don't know at this point if I should.  Maybe I need to look into the organization to see if there  is any compelling reason for me to pursue it.

Getting too old for this

I swear, we have been at Kaiser so many times the last few weeks, the front counter people greet us like we work there.  This is getting old.- maybe this IS getting old, if you read me right.  In any case, it is not how I want to spend my days.

I have been so tired and on edge lately..  The other day, someone I have known for a long time thought it was appropriate to YELL at me, first via a nastygram email - then on the phone.  Someone I have worked with for a long time, on and off for years.  I stood my ground on the phone, but after I hung up , I struggled not to cry.  I felt like if I started I would not stop.  I hate crying.  I feel like I am weak, just some weepy girl.  NOT a good feeling.  I think it's because I am tired.  Still fighting off the asthma, I ran out of the Qvar and have been wheezing and coughing for two days.  YUCK.

Well, it's December 1 and we are in the last month of the year.  I am not even ready for Christmas, Just thinking about the ornaments and the decorations at this point.   Maybe tomorrow.  I need to find my Christmas spirit.  Given some of the events of the past few weeks, I may have some trouble finding it.