Why don't we allow ourselves to acknowledge that we are afraid? Yesterday, after receiving the devastating, yet half-expected news that while the "somethings" are not cancerous, the operative word in the sentence is YET and I will be undergoing surgery to remove them; a coworker chastised me for expressing my fear and called me a wimp. That hurt and I didn't know what to say. Explaining seemed pointless and I suppose I should be more circumspect in future dealings with this person.
I think we should be allowed to express that we are afraid without judgement. I find my strength when I talk with others who are like-minded, I suppose. I hope I never belittle anyone who says they are afraid of something and that in talking I help them get past the fear into the "doing".
I have been called a wimp and a chicken my entire life. It's hard, but there it is. I have always believed true courage is being afraid and doing it anyway. The person I was speaking with probably hasn't been afraid of anything in her entire life. I have NO idea what that feels like. I do what needs to be done, afraid or not. There are people who have never been afraid of anything. Bully for them. I am not one of them.
I didn't start out to make this a confessional, but I suppose I needed to say something about it. Yes, I am afraid. It's surgery. I am resolved that I will have a successful outcome and the little hoodlums hanging out in the lower part of my right breast will NOT be around to turn into cancer. I have had this surgery before, about eleven years ago. I think I know what to expect. I meet with the surgeon today and I hope she will understand that what I think I need is JUST the lumpectomy, since there is no evidence of cancer.
This morning, I will allow myself tears, then pick myself up and dust myself off and meet the challenge head on, as I always do. Courage is NOT the absence of fear and FEAR means Face Everything and Rise
Good for you! People like her are not worth the time and trouble - I started a firm/strict policy some years ago of removing from my life, or not associating with, toxic people.
ReplyDeleteFear is natural, it is normal. You are dealing with it in the best and more correct way! Good for you!
Tom
Whatever or however she deals with her issues is not the point. This is YOUR issue and if she couldn't find a quiet, "How are you doing?" or "I'll be praying for the best", a nice "I'm sorry to hear that" would have been acceptable. Telling other people how to feel when they're showing their vulnerability is rude and unfeeling. You feel how you feel and do what you need to in order to get through it. Thinking of you, know how scary this is, you will be okay, I know it :-)
ReplyDeleteWhatever or however she deals with her issues is not the point. This is YOUR issue and if she couldn't find a quiet, "How are you doing?" or "I'll be praying for the best", a nice "I'm sorry to hear that" would have been acceptable. Telling other people how to feel when they're showing their vulnerability is rude and unfeeling. You feel how you feel and do what you need to in order to get through it. Thinking of you, know how scary this is, you will be okay, I know it :-)
ReplyDelete