As I watch what is happening to this country, I fear for it. I think people are blindly following tRump because he feeds THEIR fears and acts as if he will make America White again. There I said it. The racist assholes who hide behind their "faith" ( spoiler alert- Jesus was born a Middle Eastern Jew) to mask their racism are dancing in the streets. Now, don't get me wrong here. I am a christian, not every Christian is a racist asshole, just the loud Evangelical base that sees tRump as the second coming of Christ.
Again spoiler alert- I think he's the Anti-Christ.
I will pray for this Country today, pray for rational thought to enter into the minds and hearts of those senators who are not afraid of tRump. WHO allows a "Trial" with no witnesses? DICTATORS, that's who.
I'm sorry, I'm just so terrified that we are becoming Nazi Germany, that I'm gobsmacked and ranting.
Friday, January 31, 2020
Thursday, January 30, 2020
sick
I'm tired of being sick.
I'm tired of thinking about being sick
I'm tired of taking all the medications to keep somewhat "normal" which don't always work
I'm tired of talking about being sick, as if it is the ONLY thing I have going on and yet, I am tired of pretending to be well.
I'm tired of complaining about the whole thing.
Frankly, I'm just tired of being tired.
I have a chronic ailment that inhibits my ability to breathe and despite everything, it's getting worse. I am NOT giving up finding a long term solution to my problem, but I am taking more steroids than Lyle Alzado. It WILL taper off, just not this week or this month. I have great doctors.
My primary care keeps referring me to "Weight management" classes. I am not going. I went once and they didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. I TRY to put it into practice, but I have not found an excise that doesn't cause a lot of pain in my knee; not "good" pain" like the exercise burn, but screaming agony at the bone-on-bone pain that will only be gone when I get the new knee. I AM trying to walk and I will get back on the bike, probably tonight.
In the meantime, I will try to eat better, make wiser food choices, but for me it's not what, but how much I eat that makes me gain weight. I stress-eat, and I know that. I need to find another outlet for my stress, it used to be walking and singing, but I can't do either right now.
How do YOU manage your stress? I'm open to suggestions, but please don't tell me "Mindful meditation" My therapist suggested it as something she had heard about but could not explain. I called and spoke with the instructor, who told me it was an eight week class, where you learned to sit and be in your own thoughts, not talking- culminating ( she breathlessly enthused) with an eight hour day of not talking to anyone! Uh.. NO , it sounds like solitary confinement. Seriously , can you imagine ME going 8 hours without making some kind of remark? Even when I lost my voice I couldn't do it.
This blog helps a bit and sometimes I get overly confessional, but it IS titled "Inside Robyn's brain" after all and I hope a small visit there now and then helps you or at least is amusing.
Thanks for reading!
I'm tired of thinking about being sick
I'm tired of taking all the medications to keep somewhat "normal" which don't always work
I'm tired of talking about being sick, as if it is the ONLY thing I have going on and yet, I am tired of pretending to be well.
I'm tired of complaining about the whole thing.
Frankly, I'm just tired of being tired.
I have a chronic ailment that inhibits my ability to breathe and despite everything, it's getting worse. I am NOT giving up finding a long term solution to my problem, but I am taking more steroids than Lyle Alzado. It WILL taper off, just not this week or this month. I have great doctors.
My primary care keeps referring me to "Weight management" classes. I am not going. I went once and they didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. I TRY to put it into practice, but I have not found an excise that doesn't cause a lot of pain in my knee; not "good" pain" like the exercise burn, but screaming agony at the bone-on-bone pain that will only be gone when I get the new knee. I AM trying to walk and I will get back on the bike, probably tonight.
In the meantime, I will try to eat better, make wiser food choices, but for me it's not what, but how much I eat that makes me gain weight. I stress-eat, and I know that. I need to find another outlet for my stress, it used to be walking and singing, but I can't do either right now.
How do YOU manage your stress? I'm open to suggestions, but please don't tell me "Mindful meditation" My therapist suggested it as something she had heard about but could not explain. I called and spoke with the instructor, who told me it was an eight week class, where you learned to sit and be in your own thoughts, not talking- culminating ( she breathlessly enthused) with an eight hour day of not talking to anyone! Uh.. NO , it sounds like solitary confinement. Seriously , can you imagine ME going 8 hours without making some kind of remark? Even when I lost my voice I couldn't do it.
This blog helps a bit and sometimes I get overly confessional, but it IS titled "Inside Robyn's brain" after all and I hope a small visit there now and then helps you or at least is amusing.
Thanks for reading!
Wednesday, January 29, 2020
Name calling
Do you remember, being on the playground in Elementary school and someone calling you something that wasn't your name, but was meant to make fun of you?
Of course you do.
Do you remember that the teachers tried to address name calling as a terrible thing to do and your parents tried to teach you how to deal with it?
Of course you do.
Do you remember at some point realizing that name calling was a childish petty thing to do and it did not make you look superior or like a human being and that you were dealing with other human beings and differences were to be explored and celebrated, not mocked and belittled?
Of course you do.
What distresses me is that for the past three years, someone has occupied the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office and used his opposable thumbs to name call, presumably from the sanctity of his bathroom. This is NOT a grown-up, in so many ways and yet his behavior is creeping toward the norm in American society. We name-call more often than we ever did before. I find myself doing it and I should be ashamed of myself. But it seems to be the only thing the Far right understand.
I left elementary school in 1970. I am going to try to remember that, every time someone I THOUGHT was intelligent tries to call me a name and every time some person who has NO logical point to make in a conversation defaults to abuse of this nature.
In the film "War Games" the computer is taught a lesson about war it might behoove me to take to heart "Strange game. The only way to win is not to play"
Of course you do.
Do you remember that the teachers tried to address name calling as a terrible thing to do and your parents tried to teach you how to deal with it?
Of course you do.
Do you remember at some point realizing that name calling was a childish petty thing to do and it did not make you look superior or like a human being and that you were dealing with other human beings and differences were to be explored and celebrated, not mocked and belittled?
Of course you do.
What distresses me is that for the past three years, someone has occupied the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office and used his opposable thumbs to name call, presumably from the sanctity of his bathroom. This is NOT a grown-up, in so many ways and yet his behavior is creeping toward the norm in American society. We name-call more often than we ever did before. I find myself doing it and I should be ashamed of myself. But it seems to be the only thing the Far right understand.
I left elementary school in 1970. I am going to try to remember that, every time someone I THOUGHT was intelligent tries to call me a name and every time some person who has NO logical point to make in a conversation defaults to abuse of this nature.
In the film "War Games" the computer is taught a lesson about war it might behoove me to take to heart "Strange game. The only way to win is not to play"
Tuesday, January 28, 2020
Tuesday
At least it's not Monday, but frankly I could use more sleep, so this rambling blog may be a bit more off kilter than usual.
Yesterday, I was in the rental car, listening to the radio. It was all about people calling in to talk about how Kobe's death impacted them. I got tired of the memories that people had and switched it off to drive in silence. Then I though about when John Lennon died, how people called the radio stations and each other, tho share the pain of a loss of someone they didn't really know, but whose life work impacted them in a positive way. I am going to say this, although it might not be a popular sentiment. He might have been an amazing basketball player, but he was also a rapist. He was never convicted and I wonder why it never went to court, but at least one woman accused him of assault. We will never know the truth of all of it. Now, I have heard that afterward, he became less of a jerk, that he devoted himself more to his family and charity work, so maybe he did reform himself, and I do say that criminals should be allowed to become productive members of society after they pay for their crime, but did he pay for his crime? Maybe he paid the woman, but frankly money does not heal the pain of that sort of thing. You can never erase the memory of the event. It comes back at you at the oddest moments. The fear never really goes away.
Still, the City of Los Angeles will mourn the loss of one of its' sons and eight other people who died alongside him. Maybe the laws pertaining to flying in such weather will change. They say the pilot was given special permission to fly based on the equipment in the plane which was supposed to be able to fly in zero visibility. I hope so. Maybe further deaths can be prevented.
Yesterday, I was in the rental car, listening to the radio. It was all about people calling in to talk about how Kobe's death impacted them. I got tired of the memories that people had and switched it off to drive in silence. Then I though about when John Lennon died, how people called the radio stations and each other, tho share the pain of a loss of someone they didn't really know, but whose life work impacted them in a positive way. I am going to say this, although it might not be a popular sentiment. He might have been an amazing basketball player, but he was also a rapist. He was never convicted and I wonder why it never went to court, but at least one woman accused him of assault. We will never know the truth of all of it. Now, I have heard that afterward, he became less of a jerk, that he devoted himself more to his family and charity work, so maybe he did reform himself, and I do say that criminals should be allowed to become productive members of society after they pay for their crime, but did he pay for his crime? Maybe he paid the woman, but frankly money does not heal the pain of that sort of thing. You can never erase the memory of the event. It comes back at you at the oddest moments. The fear never really goes away.
Still, the City of Los Angeles will mourn the loss of one of its' sons and eight other people who died alongside him. Maybe the laws pertaining to flying in such weather will change. They say the pilot was given special permission to fly based on the equipment in the plane which was supposed to be able to fly in zero visibility. I hope so. Maybe further deaths can be prevented.
Monday, January 27, 2020
Running late again
Monday comes earlier than ever other day of the week. I am late again.
Trying to write every morning, today I got distracted by the news and discussion of Kobe Bryant's death. I was nota big basketball fan - baseball is more my game, but Bryant was a superb athlete and to watch him was to watch grace and speed in concert. I saw him once, at the Annie awards, talking about the "Dear Basketball" project that would earn him an Oscar. He truly was a renaissance man. Billy Hincsh posted him playing piano. The world is stunned and mourns, but I am thinking about the other families who lost their loved ones. If you are mourning Kobe- and who isn't I suppose- take just a moment to say a prayer for the others who are also suddenly, tragically gone.
Trying to write every morning, today I got distracted by the news and discussion of Kobe Bryant's death. I was nota big basketball fan - baseball is more my game, but Bryant was a superb athlete and to watch him was to watch grace and speed in concert. I saw him once, at the Annie awards, talking about the "Dear Basketball" project that would earn him an Oscar. He truly was a renaissance man. Billy Hincsh posted him playing piano. The world is stunned and mourns, but I am thinking about the other families who lost their loved ones. If you are mourning Kobe- and who isn't I suppose- take just a moment to say a prayer for the others who are also suddenly, tragically gone.
Sunday, January 26, 2020
cars and radios
My car is in the shop. it's old and I have put a lot of mileage on it, but I trust Alex's Performance will get me back on the road. They are honest about what I need to fix RIGHT NOW and what can wait a bit. I like them and have recommended people to them.
I have a rental car from Fox Rental. Cheaper than most but kind of weird. You can't return the car early. Seriously, they penalize you. So even thought I might not have needed it for the full term, I am keeping it.
Things that I thought about vis-a-vie the trips I have taken in the rental car
I have a rental car from Fox Rental. Cheaper than most but kind of weird. You can't return the car early. Seriously, they penalize you. So even thought I might not have needed it for the full term, I am keeping it.
Things that I thought about vis-a-vie the trips I have taken in the rental car
- The Kia Soul Plus is like driving a large soup can on wheels, it's no wonder they had those ads with hamsters driving it.
- Commercial radio is well named; for every two songs, I hear about eight commercials
- the DJs sound like what I imagine a Labrador would sound like if they were given voice. After a few minutes, I am exhausted
- K-RTH plays a Lot of Prince. Granted it's the same three songs, but I have heard 1999 and Purple rain and one other song whose title escapes me at least six times in the last day and a half- sometimes two of the songs repeat in the hour. There ARE other songs to play form the 80's you know
- it's disconcerting that the "oldies" station is playing 80's music, but the 80's WERE almost 40 years ago.
I am looking forward to getting my car back. I have a book on cd to finish and I need to give a more complete listen to a cd I just got " The Bella Portal" I hope to write a complete review here, If I can gather my wits.
And as to yesterday's blog. Last night I had a "movie dream" Here are the bare bones, before I forget:
A boy named Andy wants to go to the Prom with his boyfriend, but the BF's mom is one of those bigoted rich housewife types. Somehow, Andy dresses up as "Amber" and tries to go to the BF's school looking for him. Amber is rescued from some unnamed violence by a group of school "geeks" who take her under their wing. The usual Hollywood hi-jinks ensued, and I never got to the denouement, because I woke up during the obligatory montage of "Amber" walking on the beach to a Simple Minds song. I assume a happy ending and the comeuppance of the BF's mom would have taken place before the credits rolled. Somewhere in the middle of the film, I make a cameo appearance. I was in a history class,as me a sixty-something year old woman and everyone thought I was a high school kid. The History teacher kept asking why I had not done the required reading on birth rates and birth control. I think I just got up and left. Like I said, my dreams are weird.
Happy Sunday. My house is still a wreck (even though Chris did an AWFUL lot of work on it, the things I need to do remain undone) Wish me luck!
Saturday, January 25, 2020
Dreams
My dreams are weird, but then I think most people's dreams are. Sometimes, mine are like full-fledged movies, in which I am playing a role. It's me, but not me, if that makes any sense. I am seeing the world through the eyes of a character.
Last night, I had this strange dream. I was trying to get to a library event, but I decided to walk, because it was near the beach. I found myself walking on a very narrow, very TALL sand berm, dragging a red wagon. When I got to the library, it morphed to a banquet hall, where my highschool class reunion was going on. We tried in vain to get food. I found myself stuck in a corner with a woman I knew slightly in High School, she was bragging about all her accomplishments- I see her name sometimes, she has done well in her chosen profession. In my dream, I kept trying to get away, but she kept following me. FINALLY, my friend Jimmy appeared. Apparently the venue had been holding food service until HE got there, but now the party was OVER and we had to leave. I found myself spooning what looked like REALLY dry rice pilaf and overcooked and over seasoned shrimp into small Styrofoam containers ( about the size you get at the hot dog cart, that fits a hot dog). Jimmy kept apologizing as he was helping me hand them over to people in tuxes and sequined party dresses.
I am NOT looking for Freudian dream analysis here.
But that was weird. But kind of fun when I thought about it. I don't always remember my dreams. I really should keep a notebook by my bedside. Some of them MIGHT make good short stories- if I can get the weird out of them!
Last night, I had this strange dream. I was trying to get to a library event, but I decided to walk, because it was near the beach. I found myself walking on a very narrow, very TALL sand berm, dragging a red wagon. When I got to the library, it morphed to a banquet hall, where my highschool class reunion was going on. We tried in vain to get food. I found myself stuck in a corner with a woman I knew slightly in High School, she was bragging about all her accomplishments- I see her name sometimes, she has done well in her chosen profession. In my dream, I kept trying to get away, but she kept following me. FINALLY, my friend Jimmy appeared. Apparently the venue had been holding food service until HE got there, but now the party was OVER and we had to leave. I found myself spooning what looked like REALLY dry rice pilaf and overcooked and over seasoned shrimp into small Styrofoam containers ( about the size you get at the hot dog cart, that fits a hot dog). Jimmy kept apologizing as he was helping me hand them over to people in tuxes and sequined party dresses.
I am NOT looking for Freudian dream analysis here.
But that was weird. But kind of fun when I thought about it. I don't always remember my dreams. I really should keep a notebook by my bedside. Some of them MIGHT make good short stories- if I can get the weird out of them!
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