sick

I'm tired of being sick.
I'm tired of thinking about being sick
I'm tired of taking all the medications to keep somewhat "normal" which don't always work

I'm tired of talking about being sick, as if it is the ONLY thing I have going on and yet, I am tired of pretending to be well.

I'm tired of complaining about the whole thing.

Frankly, I'm just tired of being tired.

I have a chronic ailment that inhibits my ability to breathe and despite everything, it's getting worse.  I am NOT giving up finding a long term solution to my problem, but I am taking more steroids than Lyle Alzado.  It WILL taper off, just not this week or this month.  I have great doctors.

My primary care keeps referring me to "Weight management" classes.  I am not going.  I went once and they didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. I TRY to put it into practice, but I have not found an excise that doesn't cause a lot of pain in my knee;  not "good" pain" like the exercise burn, but screaming agony at the bone-on-bone pain that will only be gone when I get the new knee.  I AM trying to walk and I will get back on the bike, probably tonight. 

In the meantime, I will try to eat better, make wiser food choices, but for me it's not what, but how much I eat that makes me gain weight.  I stress-eat, and I know that.  I need to find another outlet for my stress, it used to be walking and singing, but I can't do either right now. 

How do YOU manage your stress?  I'm open to suggestions, but please don't tell me "Mindful meditation"  My therapist suggested it as something she had heard about but could not explain.  I called and spoke with the instructor, who told me it was an eight week class, where you learned to sit and  be in your own thoughts, not talking- culminating ( she breathlessly enthused) with an eight hour day of not talking to anyone!  Uh.. NO , it sounds like solitary confinement.  Seriously , can you imagine ME going 8 hours without making some kind of remark?  Even when I lost my voice I couldn't do it. 

This blog helps a bit and sometimes I get overly confessional, but it IS titled "Inside Robyn's brain" after all and I hope a small visit there now and then helps you or at least is amusing.

Thanks for reading!