Morning in my house

I am thinking of the Warren Zevon song that begins"  I was sitting in the Hollywood Hawaiian Hotel, I was staring in my empty coffee cup"  Yeah that pretty much sums it up.  I need new knees or specifically a new LEFT knee.  The trip down five flights of stairs in an emergency evacuation- the second one in a week- really did some damage.  I was in agony last night and had to take extra meds to sleep.  There was NO position that didn't send messages of howling pain to my brain.  I don't WANT to take that much medication, but I was unable to sleep, so I gave in.  I had weird dreams as a result- trying to get to the wedding of a friend and I kept missing it.  I kept trying to get everyone dressed and out the door.  She was getting married at four and it was like "Groundhog day" with the clock resetting in my dream as I tried to get everyone in my family, including people I do not know but in my dream they were part of the family, out the door.  The second time we almost made it.  I kept seeing Facebook posts from friends who were already AT the wedding.  It was just.. unnerving.  I don't think my friend Sandy is getting married anytime soon, and as we are Facebook friends ( we had been good friends at some point in our teen years but drifted in different directions, I am still quite fond of her) I don't think if she were getting married that I would be on the guest list ( no problem there, you can't invite EVERYONE to your wedding unless you are a Kardashian and can televise the freaking event).

I have an appointment with the surgeon at the end of the month.  Am I scared?  you bet.  But remember my new credo is that FEAR means, Face Everything and Rise.  It's ok to be afraid.  My sister thinks I am a big ol' chicken and says so.  A lot.  Ok for her.  SHE'S not afraid of anything.  Me?  I'm... cautious.  Yeah. Careful.  That's it!  I look at everything then decide.  But I DO decide.  I need the new knee, sooner than later.  It's gonna be ok.  Everyone who has had it done says they are glad when it is over.  I have had a lot of surgical procedures.  I know what to expect.  It's gonna hurt, but I am strong and will have good meds and loving support.

It's gonna be ok.