I had lunch with an old - or should I say Long TIME- friend yesterday. It's wonderful when you see someone after a long time and fall back into conversation as if no time at all had passed. We had about fifteen years of catching up to do and didn't even scratch the surface. We made plans to get together here for dinner. I love having people in our home, but looking around I realize I have a lot of rearranging to do around here. The holiday season is fast approaching too! Where did the year go?
The internet has reconnected me with so many people in my past. Sometimes, it's good to just have some sort of closure with someone, things you meant to say to them. When you get together, you realize that they cannot be part of your life anymore, they are still nice people, but you don't have the same things in common that brought you together in the first place. Sometimes you find new common ground, and sometimes the bond of the past is so strong that you become friends again in a different way; finding new territory to cover. I recently saw that a former colleague was friends with someone I had gone to college with and had worked on the literary magazine with. I tried to send a "Friend" request but she has maxed out, so I said "hello" via my friend's page and sent my former classmate a pm. I haven't heard from her and frankly don't expect to at this point. When she knew me, I was a silly nineteen year old and she was a very focused mother of one with one on the way. She had and has an incredible amount of talent and I was happy to see her star rise. It's funny, but when I watch people I know achieve success in their field, I don't feel anything but happy for them. This woman had many terrible things happen in her life, but she chose to use them as stepping stones to help her rise, not millstones to weigh her down. She's a filmmaker and maybe I should just get her films on Netflix and watch them again.
My friend invited me to go line dancing with her and when I mentioned it to Chris he said I should go. I reminded him I have fatal two left feet syndrome. I love to dance I just do it badly. A few years ago, I went to a Zyedco concert, where they had instructors teaching you the steps. The friend I went with got it right away, but I was so BAD I confused the instructor!!!! Ah well, I have fun wherever I go and whatever I do. I can laugh at myself and accept that I will never wow Baryshnikov with my dancing skills. Life is a smorgasbord, so much to sample to see if you like the taste of something new.
This column about friendship resonanted with me. Robyn adn I have a common friend, Pauline, who recently told me, "Just because you are friends with someone doesn't mean you have to be friends forever." So true - alas? I had been complaining that I was trying to connect with a friend as I would be visiting Oregon and wanted to get together, but no response. I have a friend from graduate school days, and decades can pass, but Renee and I get together and almost pick up where we left off. And then, perhaps sadly, there are those people with whom you thought you would be friends forever, and - twice in my life, I have had to sever the connections abruptly, either because of a single incident, or perhaps a chain of single incidents, or because in a very subtle way, lives go in ever increasingly different paths? Sorry to use so many question marks, but this is a topic I ponder on frequently as I age, and wonder where some of those people went, or are now. Robyn - a very thought-provoking topic. Didn't mean to come off as so sad. I finish with a question: are women better a making and keeping friends than men? Tom,
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's gender specific, it has to do more with your personality and the personality of those we befriend. My friend did remark that she thought everyone was my friend. I think I was and am an outgoing type of person. I talk to everyone , something I inherited from my dad who used to make me crazy by striking up conversations with people in the checkout line at the grocery store. I realized recently that I do that too!
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