Post Thanksgiving thoughts

It's been a busy few days and somewhere along the line, someone unplugged me.  I haven't been a ball of energy lately.  Maybe it's just revving as much as I have been doing over the past few weeks has finally caught up to me.  I have a lot to do and no gumption to do it!

I am thankful that we were able to share Thanksgiving day with good friends.  I cooked like a madwoman for two days, but everyone seemed to enjoy the meal and the conversation.  My quirky oven burned my muffins a bit, but we were able to salvage them and everything went well.  More than once, I wished my children and grandchild could have been at the table with us.  My prayer, my ONLY wish for Christmas is that they will be able to join us in celebration of the holidays.  Please add me to your prayers for this to become a reality for me.

I am considering what to do with the leftovers.  I think turkey enchiladas, gnocchi with the rest of the mash and some sort of odd casserole with the green beans and stuffing- not all at once!   I need to make broth to make my world famous BBQ chili. McGroarty is having their annual holiday boutique and we REALLY need to make a lot of money this year.  As a non-profit, we have fallen into a cycle of NO grants and as we scramble to find alternative funding, things are difficult.  We are managing, but it would be nice to have some breathing room!  So, come up to the Center this weekend.  I will be baking and cooking and....  well you get the idea.  My favorite band in the world is playing locally on Sunday night and I thought " hey maybe I can go" but I KNOW I will be one tired little person on Sunday night and it's RUDE to sleep at a concert!

This blog may be a bit more confessional than usual, but I really need to get my thoughts out on "paper" ( even if it isn't paper)  Thinking in print helps me focus on the task at hand.  I have a lot to do as we prepare for the rest of the holiday season.  I will remember to be thankful for the blessings I have, for the peaceful home, warm clothes and food. I am thankful for the friends I have and the work I continue to do, both as a career and as a volunteer. I am hopeful that putting  good  out in the world will impact those I love and those I never know.  I still have a "Hippy-dippy" sensibility about the world, and although I may seem naive to some, I think I am just hopeful.  I try to see the good side, even though I must acknowledge the negative side of things.  To paraphrase Jim Croce "You can't have a rainbow without the rain"

Tuesday Thoughts

I consider myself to be a mostly happy person.  I can usually find something positive, even in the worst situations; but lately I find I have been a bit.. sad.  Probably the advent of the season and hormonal issues, but there it is.  I have been hearing the last line of a poem I read once "You have wasted your life"  It makes me wonder, HAVE I wasted my life?  Not really, but there were so many things I thought I wanted to do, I need to take time and see what of them are still possible and what was just a silly aspiration that had no basis in reality.

I probably never will write "the Great American Novel"  I just don't know how I would start that.  I took classes in short story writing and frankly I suck at that.  I try from time to time, but my plots are weak and my character development is nil. I know that.  Still I think I enjoyed the process and if I ever have a brilliant story to tell, well, there may be something to it.

I need to look at all the little things that make up my life.  I always say if you wait to celebrate only the BIG ones, you will never celebrate anything, so here are some random thoughts;

My daughter is happily married with a baby, which was what she wanted most of all.  She made it through a rough time, when my marriage to her father shattered, but she got through it.  We talk all the time. 

I am married to a man who puts up with my crap.  He is loving and supportive and always encourages me to find my art.  So far, my "art" includes this blog and the creation of a "small bites" menu of food that is quick to cook and fun to serve.

I own a plot of land in Ireland.  Sure it's a 1' x1' square of sod somewhere in County Roscommon, but I do own it.  lol.  Chris bought it for me for our anniversary ( apparently, my day to water is Thursday...)

My work, even though it is overwhelming at times, is important to the daily operations of libraries.  I know I am helping when I can get something fixed that makes it possible for people to have free access to all the wonders of a library.  Am I saving the planet?  No, but maybe because of what I do, I am saving one person.

 You never know what good you put out in the world and how that ripple will affect others by it's action.  There's a line from a Jackson Browne song  "Somewhere between the time you arrive and the time you go may lie a reason you were alive that you'll never know"  Most of us can never really know what our actions do in the world, we can only hope that throwing out positives, we can make the life of someone better.

Most Thankful

I know my most fervent reader and commenter, Tom is waiting for this....

I am MOST thankful , that five years ago today, I married my very best friend, my lover, my heart, Christopher Myers.  Life has thrown us both a few curve balls, but we stand together against them.  He was my rock when four months after our joyful wedding day, I was devastated by the loss of my beloved father. We disagree sometimes, but we do not fight and yell at each other.  I NEVER ever wake up afraid, which has not always been the case.  He loves me and I can tell him anything without fear of his reaction.  Happy isn't even close to what I feel. 

I don't know what I did to deserve this man in my life.  People ask if he has a brother.  Yes he does, several actually.  They are scattered all over the country and I only know them slightly. Chris is one of a kind, however.  Smart, sweet, funny, gentle, thoughtful, ok you get the picture.

Thank you, Chris, for marrying me and putting up with my quirky self.  I am looking forward to many more years of this kind of life with you.  No matter what life throws at us, sweetheart, as long as we are together, it's all good.

The Power of Prayer ( or love or positive thought, whatever you want to call it...)

Faith is a curious thing.  In the last few weeks, things have happened that I can only chalk up to the power of belief and the Universe having balance on the good side.  If you have been reading this blog, you know that I went out to watch the building of a "forever home" for my friends Lloyd Debbie and Cody.  I have to tell you that over the last year or so, I believe that so many people were praying for them that the universe, or God if you will,said "OK OK I'll DO something!"  

It got me to thinking about how different faiths and beliefs all focus on the same idea.  That if enough people pray,think, wish, for something, it comes to pass.  Now, some people will credit God, some people will credit the Universe and some will say it is the power of the human mind manifesting a thought into action.  Isn't it really all the same thing?  We believe, and if we give over our beliefs in such a way that it cannot be otherwise, then it comes to pass. 

So I am setting MY intentions toward the highest good today, saying my prayers that two things that are important to me will be resolved. I have done all that I can do about them both and now must leave it up to God, the Universe, the Cosmos or chance for a resolution.  If you have a moment today, think a good thought for me!

It's Wednesday and I am just getting around to this

This weekend I went out to 29 Palms to "help" with a house build.  I can't say I was much help.  I picked up debris, helped get food out to people, but mostly I stood around watching the house go up.  They did it in three days.  It was amazing.  There were so many people there, all volunteer, working to build a home for the Tilch family.  I knew Lloyd back in High School.  We reconnected on Facebook and I talk with his sweet wife almost every day.  His wife said in all seriousness, that I have complete opposite political views from them but we manage to remain friends.  It's funny, but I know they are really conservative, and I am a card carrying liberal, but we do remain friends.  We both state our case in a civilized manner and at some point change the subject.  We each know that we will not change the others' mind and it's ok.  Not everyone has to believe as I do.  I appreciate viewpoints presented rationally and without name-calling or snide remarks about the level of my intelligence.  I have "unfriended" a few people for that type of behavior.  I enjoy reading what Lloyd has to say, even if he's WRONG ;).

I am thankful beyond words that this blessing- and it IS a blessing- was bestowed on this family.  I was interviewed for a documentary they are doing and I said as much. These people are the salt of the earth.  They will help YOU if they can.  They never publicly wrung their hands and threw a pity party.  They asked for prayers and kept their faith. This happened.  It is a wonderful thing.  The interviewer asked me how this affected the family.  I said that Lloyd looked "lighter" than he had, even in the past six weeks; like a great weight has been lifted from him.  I know this will be a good thing for them and for those they love. 

I am thankful I could go and be a part of this.  It also gave me some "Bobby time" with my squeaker.  He's getting so big.  He's such a sweet child.  I was able to spend some time alone with him while his parents went out to get a bite to eat.  They need some alone time and I needed some Bobby time!

Women in the public eye

When did it become acceptable to pick on Michelle Obama?   Social Media, the Court of Public Opinion, is blasting Michelle for her campaign to get better food choices into schools.  WHY is good food for kids a hot button issue?  Let's see......   The kids won't eat it and the toss it out, then they are hungry.  Hmmm, when I was a kid, if I threw out food my mother would have whipped my butt not said "Oh you poor thing, you need a Happy Meal"  The kids complain it's not enough- or at least that is what one group is posting, pictures of half empty trays.  you can SEE where the food was removed from the tray.  Honestly. My mother packed a lunch for me when I went to school. People these days think they are entitled to things and need to be taken care of by government, but complain when what they get isn't what they think they deserve.  Michelle Obama is at the eye of the storm because she had the nerve to make childhood obesity her "cause".

Almost every First Lady had a publicly stated cause, that they supported.  People say "well I didn't vote for her"  DUH!  And she ISN'T GETTING PAID for this!  The "job" of  First Lady is an unpaid position.  She's expected to work on something, but not be paid for it. 

I wonder about the women who have been in that position, at least in my memory.  Jackie Kennedy, who took on making the White House an American showplace, Lady Bird Johnson who ran the "Beautify America" Campaign.  Nancy Reagan with "Just say No" ( I doubt she came up with that one on her own)  Hillary Clinton was trying to improve healthcare, but she had an uphill battle with that one.  Betty Ford championed Breast Cancer and later substance abuse, having battled both.   I had to look up Pat Nixon to see what here "Cause" was.  She didn't rally have one, just what she termed "quiet diplomacy"  She traveled with Tricky Dicky and probably humanized him to some degree.  It has been said that the private Nixon was a lot different from the public one.  I just know I was not thrilled with him as a president.

So, I am thankful ( see, you knew I would get there) for women who choose to take on the role of First Lady and to take the nonsense that is thrown at them for this unpaid job with their heads held high. I think the fact that Michelle Obama got us talking about the problem of childhood obesity and what can be done about it is a good thing, no matter WHAT her detractors might say.

When I think back on all the crap I learned in High School....

This morning, I am thinking about the teachers- both good and bad-who shaped my life.  I had the chance, via Facebook, to reconnect with one who was very influential and to thank him for what he did for me.  I often think of the lessons I learn from Don Wulffson.  Not that the man actually HAD a lesson plan ;) , but the taught us individually. Admittedly, I was in the Creative Writing class and I think that type of class is more  "free form" than any other.  You don't sign up for "Creative Writing" unless you already have a writer's mind and a possible project to work on.. He took the time to talk with us and grow us as readers and writers.  He did the most important thing a teacher could do.  He helped us believe in ourselves.  He helped us see our talent. This was one of the most creative periods of my school years.  I wrote all the time.  Some of it was utter crap, but some of it was exactly what I wanted to say.  I learned editing skills.  At one point in my life, I wanted to BE an editor.  That didn't pan out, but I use the skills I learned in my work almost every day.  I am thankful I got the chance to express my gratitude.

It got me thinking about "bad" teachers.  I have had a few whose teaching style scarred me for life.  My sixth grade teacher, for instance.  Looking back, I see how brilliant he was and I learned how to learn, but the man terrified me.  I was always a good student, but something in his manner always frightened me.  I remember being afraid a lot in class.  I wouldn't say he was a bad teacher, it was just a really unpleasant year.

Then there was the teacher- who had been my teacher the year before- who decided to put on a Cinco de Mayo Festival and we were taught a song that we would sing and then learn a dance.  Each class year would do something.  Well SOMETHING happened and SHE decided that only the Hispanic kids would be allowed to participate in the festival. So, while the rest of us non-Hispanic kids were pouring over math lessons, the Hispanic kids were out in the sunshine dancing and laughing and having a good time.  Somehow that still seems unfair for all of us.  It didn't teach us anything except to give us a first-hand lesson in segregation.  Way to go!

I've had teacher ( mostly male gym teachers) who thought it was a waste of time to try to teach girls anything.  The exception for  that would have been Sam DeJohn, who was the AP History teacher.  His lessons in taking "blue book exams" were so fierce, but when I got to college and all the freshmen around me were freaking out, I was unperturbed and calm.  After all, I had been doing this type of exam since tenth grade.

I consider myself fortunate to have had some wonderful teacher.  At one point, one of my English Professors at CSUN thought I might make a good teacher and advanced my name for the new speed credential program. It was NOT a good fit for me, and I will never forget the discomfort on the face of my Master Teacher, as she met with me that final day.  I had already decided it was not my calling- actually I had decided it early on, but completed the semester as I needed the units to graduate.  I laughed as I told her, before she could tell ME, that I was not going to continue with the program. I think the students of the world caught a break there!

So  my "thankful" today is for teachers.  They say you learn just as much from a bad one as a good one and I suppose that is true on some level.  I remember the lessons in living most of all.

Veteran's Day

November 11 was known as Armistice Day, celebrating the end of World War I, the "war to end all wars" Nice idea, but it didn't work out.  On this day, known as Veteran's Day, We should all take a moment to reflect on the sacrifices made by a few, for the better of all.

I can trace my Myers ancestry back to the American Revolution.  My earliest "Myers" American was Jacob, who had been a farmer in Pennsylvania.  I located his service records, finding he was at Valley Forge with Washington.  In a "sick tent", but there he was.   Benjamin, his grandson, fought on the Union side of the Civil War.  My grandfather was drafted during World War I , but through a series of confusing stories,  I am given to understand that he never served.  He apparently just walked out of the camp and didn't go back.  I think there must be more to the story than that, but that's the one he told my Dad.  My Dad was in Europe in World War II, most notably at the Battle of the Bulge.  He told some funny stories about some of his wartime exploits. He was constantly being promoted, then demoted for some infraction.  He said "The Old Man came by and said "Myers!  Why haven't you sewn on your stripes?"  My Dad replied "You'll just rip them off in a week or so."  He said the Old Man shrugged and agreed with him.

Movies tend to romanticize war.  It is the least romantic thing I can think of.  The fear and the death and the pain are unimaginable. I thank those people who are brave enough to go through this.  I appreciate your service.  I try to make it a point to thank veterans, especially Vietnam vets, who didn't get the respect that they deserved.  THAT was a thankless war and the soldiers bore the brunt of it, both there and when they got home.  Shameful treatment. I never hated the soldier, I hated the war.

So thank you to those who served and for those who continue to serve.  Your sacrifice is not unnoticed.

Thinking about this "project"

Every year  in November, I try to enumerate the things I am thankful for.  This year I thought I wanted to do three a day and now am so woefully behind, I will never really catch up unless I change the way I approach the "lesson"   My original intent was to list the three things and talk about them.  I have decided the list ONE thing and talk at length about it.  Two things MAY appear, maybe even three, but I am giving myself permission to focus on one thing.  It's hard for me to do that, as I am a multitasker. 

Without trying to be trite, I am thankful for the friends that I have.  My friends are my "tribe"  my family without blood ties.  I have been truly blessed in life with stalwart friends who have had my back, even when I am sure I was a difficult person to live with.  I am grateful.  I will never forget what my friends did for me during my most troubled times, how they rallied me, made me laugh or just hugged me.  My friends remind me that life is not always a storm, as it has been lately. They are my sounding board, my joy, my respite.  They also know when to bring me up short when I am being ridiculous.  I appreciate that too.  I love "talking" to my friends online every day.   I'm on Facebook probably more than I should be ( my house suffers from my lack of attention to it sometimes)  

I am trying to get back more consistently into the craft of writing; not just this blog but dipping my toes back into poetry, which I used to enjoy writing.  My work was what I considered to be minimalist, and I would try to say what I wanted without being too wordy and to select exactly the right single word to convey a thought or emotion.   I need to get back to doing that again.  Watch this space!

Thankful, Day four

Ok.  I know.  Now I'm TWO days behind.  In my own defense, yesterday I was doing a lot of writing for McGroarty Arts Center, along with gamely trying to get to work in a timely manner.  I am tired and not sleeping very well.  I am once again looking at the stressors in my life and trying to manage them in a more holistic way.  Writing helps.

One of my most fervent readers chastised me for not posting my thankfulness for my husband or my "squeaker" yet.  THAT is a given for me.  Yes, I am thankful for my husband.  We will celebrate FIVE years of marriage in a few weeks, and I will be gushing about him on our anniversary. As far as my grandson is concerned, if you are a Facebook Friend , you know I am also "all Bobby, all the time" about my "squeaker"  I honestly need to  come up with a better nickname for him- well BOBBY is a nickname, isn't it?  He's just so DARN cute!!!!

Today, I am thankful for my co-workers.  When you spend as much time in the company of someone, it helps to like them.  Over the past three years, I have gotten to know and like the people I work with in many ways.  We watch out for one another, share triumphs and tragedies.  Sometimes, I feel like I am in the center of a storm.  My work is NUTS and has gotten more so in the past few months.  I do my best to provide the service I feel I should be, although I am only one person- and the ONLY person who does what I do.  Recent events have gotten me seriously considering retirement, although my original plan was to do another six years.  Sounds like a prison sentence ( "how long ya got left?"  "six years")  I will be taking a look at things in the next few months to really see how much longer i NEED to work.  Since God didn't see fit to let me win the lottery, I just know I have to go in today.

After a very long but fruitful meeting last night , I am thankful to be able to contribute my time to McGroarty Arts Center.  I don't take classes there- the ONE class I wanted to take this session is on a day I can't commit to- Thursdays- so I will wait for the Spring session and hope.

I am thankful for art and artists.  I often wish I had a more artistic bent.  I can't make a stick figure look realistic, but I can appreciate what the artist is doing.  Some of it looks so "simple" but is deceptively so.  I think it take a real master to make something look effortless.  I want to take time to go to more museums and galleries.  Looking at art is one of my more enjoyable activities.

Thankful Day 3

I know I am a day behind, but that's how it is these days with me. 

I am thankful to be able to vote today.  I vote in every election, proudly going to the polls in person to cast my ballot.  I am scheduled to work in the Spring in the municipal elections, something I find to be tiring but good work.  I used to take my daughter with me to the polls and explain that women like my grandmother faced jail and beatings and death so that she could do this and the best way to honor those brave women was to vote in every  single election.  I am proud to say that she does.  I was never prouder of her when she cast her first ballot, in a Presidential election.  She had researched the candidates and the issues and was ready on election day.  She even woke ME up so that we would be in line early.  We were there when the polls opened.  We were talking in line about the fact that this was her first  election, careful not to discuss the candidates.  The person next to us looked at us as she excitedly said  "This is the first time I am voting"  People clapped! 

I am thankful to belong to the union I do.  I haven't always been able to say that, but with changes that were made ( we got rid of the dictator ED a few years ago)   things are better.  I did like one of the previous ED's very much, but the one that came after him just sold us down the river.   The direction of our union toward more involvement in the community is a positive change I can embrace.  Last night we did a dinner service at the Delores Mission in downtown LA. It's always good to serve someone a plate of food and join them in a meal.  We do this the first Monday of every month.  One of the residents told me when they see the blue shirts, they know that good food is coming.  The place was packed, which is both a good and a sad thing. This shelter does good work and I am honored to be part of their commitment to the community.

I am thankful the courts FINALLY found my paperwork for part of the financial portion of my divorce. I have to go back to an attorney again to get one more piece done and then I will be able to get a handle on when I can retire and what it will look like for me.  Yes, I am looking at retirement much closer now for a number of reasons.   It is important to me to be clear on what my options are right now.  I have been divorced since what.. 2006?  I have gone back and forth on the financial paperwork, as my attorney of record messed it up BIG TIME.  Ah well, live and learn.  Still, as I have 34+ full time years at my job which suddenly has become more stressful than I would like it to be, I am considering my options.   WHEN I win the lotto tonight, however, I will not have to worry about that!

Thankful Day 2

So I am thinking about things I am thankful for this morning.  I am trying NOT to be trite, but failing miserably in my head.

Maybe I set myself up here, in trying to think of three things a day.  I can only come up with one or two this morning, as the coffee has not QUITE kicked in.


I am thankful for food.  I am grateful to be able to provide for my family and to be able to cook fresh healthy food for them.  I am thankful to have received the "cooking gene" from my father and am happy to be able to cook with abandon in my small but very functional kitchen.  I find I am happiest when I have a houseful of people  around my table. laughing and sharing stories over a meal I have made.  I look forward to Thanksgiving.  I have no idea at this point who will be coming, but the door is open and if you let me know, I will throw another potato in the pot, as my mother used to say.

I am thankful for sleep and to able to sleep ina warm bed.  I live the autumn weather, snuggling under warm blankets.  I seem to sleep better when I am warm- not HOT and miserable like in the summer.  Maybe it's because the Winter is coming on and our bodies are still tied to the ancient ways of "hibernation" in the winter months.  I have no idea. 

I am thankful to live where I live.  My apartment is small and I DO want a house and a dog and a yard someday, but I am content.  I have nice neighbors and a cozy home.  I live close enough to Los Angeles to get there every day, but far enough away to feel, well Away from it! I have the best of both worlds up here at the foot of the Angeles National Forrest.  I never really thought of it as a "forest" growing up.  It did not carry the same mythical weight as the forests in Fairy tales, which I suppose were German forests, all dark and full of wolves; and while I don't go up hiking in the forest as I did when I was a teen, it is comforting in some strange way to know it is there.

Thankful- Day one

November is the month of Thanks giving, so traditionally, I begin the month thinking about what I am thankful for.  I am two days behind "schedule" but here goes.

I want to think of three things I am thankful for, every day.  I want to think about things that are not the normal things,small blessings that I have in my life.

I am thankful that the books I read as a teenager were not like the current crop of popular novels.  Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING these days is some bleak vision of some dystopian society. Depressing.  

I am thankful to be able to volunteer my time for causes I believe in.  It is important to me to give back.

I am thankful for music that soothes me and strengthens me.  I have been dealing with a lot of stress and sometimes the only thing that works for me is to turn up the music and sing along.

I will try to think of six tomorrow!