Goodbye Goodbye 2020

 Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes

How do you measure? Measure a year?

I woke up with that line from the song  from "rent" in my head.  This year has been many things.  I am struggling with words for it.  If I continue quoting song lyrics I can go on to  Paul Simon " And I don't know a soul who's not been battered, I don't have a friend who feels at ease, I don't know a dream that's not been shattered, Or driven to its knees. "  It's like that this morning, as I sit in my corner of my kitchen that has doubled as my workplace since March.  At the start, it was kind of cool to be home and not have to get up so early and put on business attire- I am NOT wearing PJs at work, but I haven't worn a dress and stockings in months.  Now, it's kind of a drag.  I miss the building, my co-workers, the books.  I miss the ability to end my day in a real and concrete way, I miss decompressing in the car by singing along with the radio or listening to a really good book.  But I really can't complain.  I am lucky beyond measure that my work - and my paycheck- can continue.  This year, I donated more to charity than I ever have.  People are hurting.  It was something I COULD do.  Doing that gave me a little sense of  control, I guess.  Action  rather than inaction.  

Everyone can agree, it's been a rough year.

I am looking forward to brushing the dust of this year off my feet.  I am looking with hope toward a renewed sense of purpose as this country moves away from the Con Artist who has convinced about 70 million people that up is down and black is white and Obama is coming for your guns...How can you leave this year without discussing the cesspool that he has made of the American political system?  He has really made it clear that there is an "Us and them" mentality in some people and he has worked to make people hate and fear, rather than love and trust.  He  ramps up his base ( who are truly "base" in my opinion) and calls them "Patriots"  I wonder how my seven times great grandfather Frederick Castor who really WAS a patriot  would feel about designating people advocating the overthrow of our Republic as such  (the family is part of Pennsylvania history, I found a book on the family this year and found it interesting to read).

Still it's been a year.  One of my friends posed this fill in the blank on Facebook  "This year I learned that _____

Hmmm.  Well , This year I learned that people are  easy to panic and that toilet paper should be stockpiled.  This year I learned that some people will believe anything if it plays to their darkest fears.  This year, I learned that some people will rise and be stronger than even they knew they could be.  This year, I have learned it is ok to walk away from people, that you can't change a closed mind and that it is important to take care of your heart and mind.  Where there is life, there is always hope.

As we count down to the last day of the year, I am looking for end and beginning traditions.  The Irish leave the door open to let the old year out and the new year in.  As I heard gunfire this morning ( yes at 6 am some idiot was shooting on the block) I am not sure about that one.  Germans eat some kind of pork on New Years Day and in the South black eyed peas are for luck.  Probably try to get both,  we will need all the luck we can muster in 2021

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Twenty-three and one half days of this BS

 I am looking forward to the removal of the Orange Menace on January 20. He STILL has not conceded and I doubt he ever will.  He and his followers and delusional.  I personally think it's the end of his con job to bilk as much from them as he possible can.  the rich aren't sending money- well maybe they are there was that guy who sent a million to help in the "legal fight" only to find the people he sent it to had folded their tents and left town.  Still pensioners are being asked to send 5 dollars to help him in his legal challenge, when the money is REALLY going to pay off his debts ( read the fine print, folks)

I had a disturbing discussion with a friend who is a VERY observant Jew.  She is a Trump supporter and she went on and on about his "peace accord" and how there were menorahs on display in formerly Muslim Countries and how THAT was the reason he should stay in power.  I knew there was no dissuading her, but I wondered about the children at the American borders, being taken from their families, the  Exit from the Paris accords, the devastation of American National parks in the name of mining, the changes in the laws that make it easier and LEGAL for Corporations to abuse and fire employees, the lack of help for the truly poor in this country.  so yeah, a "Peace accord", basically a promise not to fight,  where there is NO WAR GOING ON.  Yeah  Ok.  got it.  That thing won't be worth the paper it's written on once he is gone.  Whatever The son-in-law promised them won't be available after January 20. I am looking at my friend in a new light.  We work together and I like her, but she is a single issue voter and the issue is so small, I am curious.  Sure, peace in the Middle East is important.  But so are the issues here at home.  Somehow, there is a faction of the Republican Party who seem to have descended from the Puritans, who believe that being poor si a sin and a punishment from God.  Never mind what Jesus said ( the uber Christian right slays me- I often say they forget Jesus was a brown- skinned  Middle Easter Jew, and if he showed up today with the message from the New Testament, they would toss him in jail or burn him as a Socialist)

I see the Nashville bomber was an older white male.  SHOCKING!  that Trump has not said ANYTHING about a major downtown area of a large city had this happen is not as surprising as it may seem.  After all, her was probably one of his base and mistakenly believed he was "helping" by destroying voting machines, or some such nonsense.  Unless he left a manifesto, we may never know.

I remain hopeful in Biden and Harris.  They have a HARD row to hoe.  The trump ( small "t" intentional) "administration" is doing a great disservice to the Nation they claim to love by not doing a proper handoff.  The last time there was this kind of thing, was 2001 and the Department of Defense went without leadership or information for at least a month into the new administration.   We all should remember what happened in September of that year.

Friday Morning and I need coffee

 I am up before I want to be, but things need to be done this morning.  Coffee is my buddy.   The holidays always seem to get here before I am ready, this year is probably worse.  The pandemic has given me the blues.  I really need to snap out of it.  I am lucky.  I have a job that let's me work from home and I can talk to people all over the world via my computer.  This is a "first World" problem, to be sad.  So I am acknowledging my feelings and trying to find the positive in all of this.

A former family member- an older woman who thought she had the right to order me around, used to try to tell me HOW to feel.  "You shouldn't feel that way"  she would say.  I am sure she ate and swallowed her feelings.  It is far healthier to bring them out into the sunlight and try to resolve what is bothering you.  Better for you in so many ways.

There.  Now that I have said it, I can move onto other things.  With Christmas and all the holidays that are rolling along I am working on my "attitude of gratitude"  It's been tougher this year, because frankly I am grumpy.  I love having people in to celebrate the season and this time of year, I have people in to dinner- a lot.  This year I am making lasagna, but not a humongous pan of it, maybe a wee bit smaller this year.  My living room is awash in boxes and files, since Chris and I are both home and his projects which would normally be elsewhere are on my dining room table.  I am grateful to be able to work and grateful that Chris is doing something as well. There is a meme that says you will come out of this a drunk., a monk or a chunk.  I am somewhere in between the last two, although  I did experiment with flavored whiskey ( which may have been a WEE bit too strong, but I like it)

Gratitude.  I am grateful for my grandsons. They are the spark that makes me happy.  Mason barely knows me, although I talk to him on the phone and he grudgingly says "hi"  Bob is starting to read.  I am proud of his accomplishments.

I am happily married to my best friend.  I honestly don't think I would have made it these past months without Chris.  He's a rock. and I love him ( well DUH)  

I need to remember the small things I am grateful for.  

Donald Trump is not going to be president in 32 days.  My dearest wish is the media will STOP covering everything he does or says, Twitter will ban him, the NY Attorney General will indict him and his idiotic children for their crimes and that he won't be able to live in Mar-a-Lago.  Years ago, to avoid a YUGE tax bill  he declared it a private club and not a residence.  He made a promise in court not to live there.  It's in writing.   I loved that the rich people in Palm Beach said, rather airily that there are a LOT of nice estates for sale here and he can buy one of those.  That will be interesting to see how it plays out , as he is a broke as a joke.  I saw a guy was trying to buy the childhood home and give it to him.    Maybe he can live there, but it's in New York and I don't think Melania wants to move to that dinky house.  Maybe I have a little too much anticipated schadenfreude with this guy but he deserve what happens based on his actions.  

Still Christmas Day is next Friday. Seven days. I still don't have a tree. and I hope to get one.  Otherwise, I have the little Charlie Brown tree out front  in the garden area under my front window.  I really WANT a real tree this year but this year has been so full of stops and starts it's hard to say what will happen.  

Happy Hanukah and all that Jazz

 I think it starts tonight?  Last Night?  not sure but eight nights of celebration.  I have a friend who says that most Jewish holidays  revolve around the idea "They tried to kill us, LET'S EAT"  I think that's good.  Better than the holidays of  Christianity which involve a lot of churching up  ( now- before you get at me about that, take a look at the Christian holidays.  you've gotta go to CHURCH before you can eat- you KNOW it's true.  Not BAD just true.)

I think about comedian Dennis Wolfberg, who used to say someone in all earnestness wished him a Happy Chaka Khan. It's the thought that counts, right?   Here's where my usual holiday wheeze begins

Merry Christmas.  The Trump train and all its passengers says there is a "War on Christmas"  WHAT?  Has Christmas been cancelled, shut in a box where we may never see red and green Santas again????    No .It has not.  The thing that gets their tighty-whities in a bunch is being asked to be considerate of  people who don't celebrate CHRISTMAS, but celebrate some other Winter holiday ( there ARE a lot of them, apparently humans need something to do in the time we are stuck indoors)  Somehow, Christians seem to think they are the ONLY people on the planet and can't understand why wishing someone a Happy Holidya-they-don't- celebrate MIGHT be annoyingly inappropriate.

By aligning himself with the Christian Right and their War on Christmas shtick , Trump has branded himself the Savior of Christianity - and repeats that he is the Second Coming.  His wife however is salty about having to oversee the decorations for F-ing Christmas, so there you are with THAT family in a nutshell

Back to it,  I LOVE the Winter Holidays.  If there weren't a pandemic raging right now, I would be having friends in for latkes this weekend and would be looking to celebrate the season in every way possible.  Winter is a time for reflection and since my mad whirl of cookie baking and parties is NOT happening, I am going to try to focus on what is really important ( no, not my Christmas lasagna or the fudgies)   I am not writing Christmas cards, but will reach out to my friends in some way, starting here.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!  More tomorrow.

 

How do we spend the time

 It's lockdown again.  Who thought in March when they sent us home, we would be looking at this sad holiday season?  I thought maybe a month or two.  I had no clear understanding, obviously of the severity of the virus and the mass stupidity of humans.  The ones who need to be sent to live in a commune by themselves are the  "you can't make me wear a mask, it's my freedom not to" people. they should have trump be in charge.  No doctors, just let herd immunity take over.  See how well THAT works, as apparently  you don't actually GET immunity once you've had this.

so.  we wait.

I read a meme that said you will come out of this a monk , a chunk or a drunk.   I am between the first two, although I HAVE been making different alcohols and plan on making Kahlua this weekend ( that's MONK-LIKE, right, they made wine and stuff???)

I have been baking and playing "Chopped kitchen"  with dinner.  We order from local restaurants- not as often as we used to GO there- and  I need to take a look at my reading list.  I signed up to be an ARC reader and reviewer and it is interesting to try to say something different about each book, why you should read it or pass on it.  Some are better than others, but I am enjoying them.  I also finally figured out how to get my books on the Kindle.  Not a HUGE fan of it, but it will do.

I am trying to write.  I thought of a short- short story last night when I was trying , and failing, to fall asleep.  We will see if it makes it past the drafting stage.   

I read a book called Keynote for the ARC.  It was a series of vignettes, with one or two narrators.  I kept waiting for the stories to somehow connect, but they didn't at least to me.  It reminded me of a short story class I had in college. One guy wrote a series of stories which were about a guy and a girl he read them every class as we were supposed to do.  One week it was the guy, one week the girl. You just KNEW they would meet at some point and there would be a grand.. something..that happened.  they met alright.  They passed each other on a path and noted the other person, and did not interact.  At all.  It was so ..disappointing ( I want to say like bad sex, all build up and no climax, but that might be offensive, heck I'll say it)  I hope my story will at least be food for thought.

Going to do a wee bit of baking for Christmas, but not on my usual grand scale.  I need to see what Chris might like  other than fudgies which are a GIVEN.  I hope to bake with Bob.  I don't know when that will be.

I am hopeful for the new year and the new president.  I am hopeful for the vaccine, although the outgoing administration BLEW that one as well. ( Follow the money, they probably didn't invest in the company that ultimately made it)

Staying at home, working from home.  I long for Spring and freedom and the end of this pandemic.  WEAR THE FREAKING MASK!!!!

More political ranting

 This year, this terrible year, is seeing itself out.  I am trying my best to remain hopeful in the last Clown-Car days of the Trump Administration.  He is one crazy MF and he is taking the Scorched Earth policy to heart.  Last night on Rachel Maddow, she compared what he is doing to the Governor of Tennessee in the 1970's  He was a corrupt person who used the office to enrich his family and sold pardons to inmates.  When he lost he pardoned a bunch of career criminals.  Via a little know hiccup in the State law, they were able to swear in the NEW Governor ahead of the scheduled date, thereby avoiding any further "pardons"  Sadly.  the date of the Presidential transfer is bound by the Constitution ( unlike, apparently Mr. Trump himself, who seems to take the laws set forth therein as "Suggestions")   Trump himself went on a 45 minute TIRADE last night on Facebook, repeatedly insisting that all the debunked crackpot theories were TRUE TRUE TRUE  and he had WON.  ( I didn't watch but a few minutes of it.  His hair was even blonder and pointier than it was last week.  I guess the "Look how gray I have become in service to you" ploy didn't work out as well as he had hoped and he is back to that hideous dye job.)

So we hang on.  It looks like Mike Pence is trying to salvage his political career and is backing off Trumps most outlandish claims.  Anyone want to bet they are trying to convince Trump to resign to avoid Federal prosecution?   He still has the State to contend with.  I wonder what country he will flee to.  It looks like his kids are all in trouble as well and it's falling apart.  

I take no glee in all of this, really.  This is OUR country and trump and his minions have spent a great deal of time and money over the last six or more years, sowing seeds of hate and division ( I am counting the whole birther movement and the crap about illegals voting BEFORE her ran for office.)  It is shameful.  a president serves ALL of us.  It is not supposed to be a "punish the side who lost" system.  No matter how you feel, you are supposed to do the best you can to make this nation a better place, NOT feather your own nest, nor try to get in the good graces of people you feel will help your BUSINESS. 

48 days.   I know we are counting it down.  Fasten your seatbelts.  It's going to be a bumpy night.

Politics, Politic, Politics

 The election was almost a month ago and still that moron in the White House LOST the election.  He and his supporters refuse to accept the results.  Is anyone surprised?   If you remember his rhetoric fro before he even BECAME "Candidate Trump" he was railing against illegal votes and illegal voters , claiming among other things that "illegal aliens" were voting.  He was whipping up the White Supremacists even then, pandering to them as his base.  He got racist ministers on board - I would LOVE to be a fly on the wall when Pat Robertson and Franklin Graham and that guy who runs Liberty University, stand before God  when it is their time, but I digress as usual.

The "case" being presented is laughable.  Lawyers who sought to make their mark serving the president are jumping off the sinking Trumptanic as quickly as they can.  You have a senile old man in Giuliani, whose fame came as having been in charge of New York when the towers were destroyed and there was a lot of empathy for him back then,  There is that nameless blonde with the perfectly coiffed hair, nodding like a cheerleader at a pep rally behind him.  Then there was- briefly- "Q-Anon Cutie" Sydney Powell whose spouting of conspiracies was too whacko for even the Trump team ( think about THAT for a minute) and they jettisoned her.  She still is making appearances, but her 15 minutes are just about up.

There has been no solid evidence of any voter fraud presented in any actual courtroom ( well maybe one or two people) let alone  evidence of MASSIVE fraud as is claimed in the Court of Public Opinion by Trump and his legal rats.  when they get to court,  they have NOTHING and meekly say  "oh this isn't a fraud case, your honor"

I think Trump had hoped to get the election question before the Supreme Court, but that is a HUGE longshot and getting longer by the hour.  Trump campaigned on being a "business man" and running the Government like he ran his business.  Why the Country didn't realize he was a FAILED businessman, and he went bankrupt an awful lot ( HOW THE HELL do you screw up a  casino-  GREED, that's HOW)  This is the point in his business model where he sues everyone ( see, Rudy and the failing court cases) because if he throws enough paper at people he can overwhelm his stockholders ( that would be us) and can win in court.  He then files for bankruptcy or Chapter 11 or something and starts over fresh.  I think he thinks he owns the Supreme Court and they will do what he tells them to do because he gave them a job.  The lower courts are setting precedent by stating that this is a State matter and NOT a Federal one.  Trump has done more to undermine our government than anyone.  Putin sure got his money's worth.

It's going to take Joe Biden and his team a long time to undo what has been done.  Someone remarked to me that Trump is taking the Scorched Earth policy to the extreme and we and in for a rough ride before he is out of the Oval Office.  The fact that his party is letting him ride roughshod over them shows the mark of who they are and where their allegiance's  lie;  not with the people they represent in their districts, but to the person considered the Head of the Party, the madman in the White House

Unblocking the block

 It's post Thanksgiving, my writer's block has been severe and the only way to get out of it is to TRY to write something.  

Bear with me.

I have been struggling, like the rest of the nation, with the restrictions from Covid, the horrid behavior of ONE of the candidates for the highest office of the land and the actions of those who support him.  it is wearying at the least.  Like most people, I can't do the things that cheer me up and if I see one more holiday commercial where there are random people celebrating together , I am going to lose it.  

I need to read more.  Chris bought me a kindle and I finally figured out how to load it.  I signed up to be a reader for ARCs and some of the books are wonderful and some I struggle to get through.   I TRIED to read a book called "The Warriors" about a lesbian roller derby queen who is also some kind of professor at UCLA.  ummmm.  Turns out the book was number three in the series which sort of explains why they assumed you knew the characters but really it was just badly written.  It jumped from one stupid situation to another, loaded with clichés and misogyny.   It was almost like a thirteen year old boy had written it.  For the record, I think the author has it in for lesbians.  NO One is likeable or even interesting ( let's face it Hannibal Lecter wasn't likeable but he was interesting enough to keep you reading, amIright?)

This time of year, everyone slows down and counts their blessings.  I am trying to do that and come up with a list of small things I am thankful for- other than the obvious.  So, here goes

Space heaters- I have one at my feet in the kitchen and it warms my toes when I am writing.

Quiet mornings

Coffee

a good night's sleep ( I rarely get them these days, so when I do I am thankful)

I will think of more later this week, I hope.  What small thing makes your life better?

Short story

 I Have not written ( or mor accurately I have not shared) a short story in ages.  I am taking an online Master Class and I thought Why not put it here and see if anyone comments.  Short stories are, frankly, not something I have ever done particularly well, but I have been doing a lot of reading and  find myself thinking "hey I could do this" ( It's something I remember my Creative writing teacher Don Wulffson doing with us in class, showing us work and asking if we could do this or better)  So  I present (and hope you enjoy) my short story  "Salsa"  It's probably still a work in progress, but take a look at the draft. Comment, but don't break my heart!

Sally Southerby  took her cup of coffee and sat out on the picnic table on her

patio that looked out over her small garden.   Sally enjoyed the peaceful time

she had in the morning, before going to work. If she were quiet, she would not

wake Ralph at all and her day could be a good one.  Ralph was still asleep,

"recovering" from his nightly  visit to his "watering hole" ( Sally thought of it as

his second job)  She had planted a garden this year, alongside the oleander

hedge, that blocked the neighbors prying eyes and ears from what went on at

the Southerby house.

 

Sometimes, Sally wondered if they heard, but refused to get involved.  Sally

resigned herself to the fact that there was no point in wondering and looked

again at the garden. Yes, everything looked ready to pick and Sally still had a

little time  before she had to go to work.  She would finally make that salsa she

had been creating for so long in her mind.  Today was the day.

 

Sally walked along the oleander hedge that bordered the garden, carefully 

selecting all the items she would need for the special salsa.  Once in her kitchen,

 she worked quickly and quietly and placed the finished  product in a ceramic bowl

her mother had given her when she married Ralph. Her mother had high hopes 

that Ralph would be good to Sally and Sally was glad her mother had not lived 

long enough to see the results  of Sally's bad choice.

 

Sally quietly put on her uniform and went off to the Rattlesnake Cafe, where

she worked from seven to two in the afternoon.  The pay wasn't much, but the

tips were decent and Sally got to see people.  It was better than being trapped

in the house all day.

 

The regular crowd was there and Sally was quickly taking orders for eggs and

omelets and filling coffee cups.  She was joking with Harry and bussing his table

when the sleeve of her uniform slid up to revel the huge  bruise that wrapped

around her wrist.  Quickly she yanked the sleeve back down, but she was fairly

sure Harry had seen it and she knew Jesse the cook  would have caught the

motion and known that Ralph had been Ralph  again.  Jesse had been angry

when he saw the last set of bruises.  He told Sally to get out.  "In my own time"

she assured  him.

Sally stopped at the store on the way home.  Tacos.   Ralph loved her tacos and

would eat at least eight or nine of them in one sitting.  Sally hoped the salsa

would come out the way she dreamed it would.

Ralph came home from the bar at Sally's urging "I'm making tacos" she said

"and I know how much you love them hot."   He had been at the bar long

enough to  have a few under his belt, but not be the blistering angry drunk his

usual night at the place made him.  Sally was pretty sure the bartenders who

made a good wage on Ralph' bar tab  had no idea what the results of their

nightly ministrations meant for Sally.  Ralph was a professional drunk, the life

of the party in public.  It was only behind closed doors that the angry monster

poured out of him.

 

Sally was grateful to see Ralph eat nine tacos and generously spoon the new

salsa into the shell.  "This is some GOOD salsa, Sal" he said more than once. 

Sally smiled back and told him it was a new recipe.

 

Ralph soon staggered off to bed, waving off her reminder to take his heart

medication and  leaving Sally to clean up.  She smiled to herself as she scraped

the rest of the  salsa down the garbage disposal.

 Sally always cleaned the kitchen after dinner was done. She looked out  the

window over her garden at the oleander hedge and smiled.

 Tomorrow was going to be a good day.

Holidays and keeping busy

 Today is a holiday of sorts, Indigenous People's Day.  It used to be Columbus Day but they changed it.  I am sure some of my Italian- American friends are having a stink about it.  They do not tell you what a jerk Columbus was, that he did not "find" North America- he didn't make it this far and it was here all along and how come things are only "found" when white men find them anyway.

Ugh.  Columbus was a jerk.  His crew mutinied for goodness sakes.  He  got lost a lot.  We need to stop worshiping the myth.  

I am home and I am going to get off the computer for  a while.  I have stuff to do.  I have to make my final decisions on the ballot and decide if I am dropping it in the box by the Library or waiting and voting on my day off in person.  I have already decided who I am voting for for the main offices ( big shocker, huh?) but I need to look at the propositions to see which way to vote.  I need down time to do that.

I made granola and granola bars this morning,  It's fairly easy, I just need about an hour uninterrupted to do it.  I might make beer bread in a bit.  it's cooler and fall brings out the baker in me.  I love to make food!

I finished my ARC commitment yesterday and am waiting for another assignment.  So far, four of the five books have been good.  I did not finish, therefore did not review the last book, the Warriors by Glen Lazar Roberts.  Here is my take on it, I only got about 50 pages before I gave up and  I TRIED for three days.  Disjointed, it hops from cliché to cliché with no real purpose.  The lead character is a lesbian Roller derby queen.  I think Mr Roberts has never met an actual lesbian and is working from the vantage point of a junior high school boy.  It's supposed to be Science fiction mixed with satire- ala Christopher Moore.  It missed the mark.  Avoid it ( and if you read it and it tickles you, do let me know what I missed about it.  The fact that the former lover of the lead character was a Sasquatch and she supposedly was a "professor at UCLA" of some stupid thing or another, just made me give up.  It sounded very junior high.  When I was in high school, we wrote a collective story about an alien who came to earth and opened a chain of hamburger stands.  It was better than this.

I am avoiding watching the news and hoping at least two Republicans will grow a pair or get a vagina. I can't stand this.  the election can't come soon enough and I hope the idiot loses, even as they try their best to cheat their way in.  FAKE election boxes?   I hope their people place their ballots there in droves.

sigh.

Banning books and other Sunday musings

 The news about Trump dominates everything.  It's a shame that he is such a con man and a liar ( it's a PROVEN FACT the guy LIES- not misspeaks- LIES) that people think this is another of his misdirections.    I feel bad about questioning his health status, but not too bad.  Time will tell.  The most interesting thing  is all his minions, when announcing their infection status, don't call it the boss's preferred sobriquet, "The China virus"  suddenly, it has become "Covid-19" as if by infecting Trump, it gained real status and is no longer a hoax that will miraculously disappear should they decide to try to postpone the elections.

It's  been a bad week for the Trump camp anyway.  His tax returns show him in hock up to his eyeballs and hemorrhaging money.  No way to sugar coat this.  The returns either show he is a broke and bad businessman, or he filed fraudulent returns- which even for the President of the United States- is a crime.  While his lapdog, Bill Barr won't bring charges, I wonder if the all powerful IRS will.  They should.

It's Banned Books Week, and every year, I look at the list of books and shake my head.  No one should have the right to decide what I read.  If YOU don't like a book, and don't want kids to read it then by all means, forbid your children from cracking it open ( fun fact about kids, they will read a "banned " book quicker than one you recommend)

I keep going back to books and authors whose long ago written works are now getting a modern morés.  Laura Ingalls Wilder got taken down as being a beloved children's author for ACURATELY QUOTING her mother's view on native Americans.  The current take is that we should not expose children to Ma, I suppose.  Was Ma wrong?- well yes of course.  Was it the prevailing thought of settlers?- yes again.  Do we take this opportunity to talk to children about how people felt 150 year ago and how things have changed and why Ma might have said what she said in the first place?  You would THINK so, but instead, now Laura and her family are OFF the list of books to read and Laura herself is being disparaged.  Put what you don't agree with in a box, never again to see the light of day.  

It reminds me of the story of Sleeping Beauty.  Cursed at her christening that on her 16th birthday, she would prick her finger on a spinning wheel and die ( which was later amended by a fairy to fall into a hundred year sleep) He parents overreacted.  Instead of TEACHING her that the darn thing might be dangerous to her, they hid ALL of the spinning wheels in the kingdom ( how anyone got clothes made in that place is another thing to ponder, but I digress) so when she was confronted with one- or a roomful of them depending on which version you read- she touches it and , well, the rest is history. ( the original story of Sleeping Beauty, written by Basile of Naples is far more horrible and the Grimm Brothers Fairy tales in the original also would have wound up on the Banned Books lists)

Banning books and putting out false news narratives do not "protect" us.  Instead, they make us skeptical of anything coming from a certain source and while questioning is the best way to learn, having to challenge EVERYTHING is exhausting.

This year needs to be over

 Geez.

When I was a teenage girl, I used to go body surfing.  Every summer my friends and I would don our bikinis and hit the water.  Body surfing was fun.  We would time, catch and ride the waves, surfing without equipment.  I remember hanging out in pods of fellow enthusiasts, waiting to catch the swells.  We would talk about the sets, how the waves were coming- usually in threes- but sometimes fives.  We would time them together and take off on a glorious ride.

Until one summer.

For some reason the tides were strong or my timing was off but in the middle of the day i got SLAMMED by the first wave, pushing me down to the ocean floor.  I remember remembering not to struggle but to relax until I felt the wave pass over me so I could rise to the surface.  Unfortunately, there was another wave behind it and I repeated the cycle.  I came up the third time and motioned to my buddy to get me to shore,  She grabbed my wrist and dragged me out.  

I stopped surfing that summer and have never really found the joy in body surfing, although I have been back in the water at least once since then.

This year is kind of like those waves.  Every time We surface, another one slams into us.  ENOUGH already.

This afternoon, I learned that a long time friend had died.  Trina was a friend from High School and we reconnected via Facebook.  She was always posting something political or photo-memes of a dog named ( I think) Norbert.  She had a marvelous sense of humor and a great heart.  She also had Diabetes.  We can't even gather together in her memory, to hug each other tight and honor who she was in our lives.  F-YOU Pandemic.

We keep saying we need to be done with 2020, but the yearend is not like some journey that finishes just because of the tick of the clock or the flip of a calendar page, even if we wanted it to be.   I think of this year as if Fate is having a ginormous yard sale and every horrid thing she has is being flung on the lawn.  I hope that her garage of awful is empty soon and we can get on to better things.

Hug your friends, even if it's virtual. If you are reading this, consider yourself hugged. 

Hässlich

 I was thinking about how hateful the world has become.  How anger and violence have become the norm in my country.  It has somehow become acceptable to scream invectives, to name-call, to belittle in order to get your way.

It's like Biff from Back to the Future is in charge of things.

It's funny, I have been trying to remember my German, after forty plus years of being away from any formal schooling in the language.  MY father and I spoke it with each other- he had learned  a bit in his teens working in a place in upstate New York at a place called the Dutch Mill.  The owner was German, but Germans were not acceptable after World War One, so they all became "Dutch" ( the Amish were Pennsylvania  Dutch for instance)  I thought of the word for "ugly" this morning for no particular reason except for its literal translation.  Hässlich means hate-like  To be considered ugly , you must have hate in your heart.

Peaceful protests are being taken over by those whose agenda is contrary to the mission of the protest and what begins in a lawful assembly can de-evolve to a riot in the blink of an eye.  The problem is exacerbated when the President cheers on those who are creating mayhem and branding those people who are protesting for a change in policy as somehow being fascists ( look up "fascist" to see the irony of that statement)  Antifa is literally anyone who is anti FASCIST, so all your World War II dads and grand dads are now on the WRONG side of Trump-ism.

Back to my original thought.  Hate makes you ugly.  Hate grows around your heart and makes you a bitter person.  We need to get back to where we can listen thoughtfully to all sides of an argument and move forward as one.  

Faith- and I will probably offend someone here

 My husband and I had an online argument with  a "distant " relative ( to be precise she is related to his half-brother on his mother's side and since they share a father, I wonder if you can even count that)  She thinks Trump was sent by God himself and got all up in our faces about her faith and her "personal relationship with Jesus Christ"  Ok. 

The thing I find about most hard-core evangelicals is that when they are LOSING an argument, they drag Jesus into it, as if he is some sort of Deus ex Machina to end any discussion, as if accusing someone of being Godless is some kind of victory lap.  I went to Sunday School and can quote  ( or look up) Scripture with the best of them.  When I threw a few NEW Testament verses at her, she went all Old Testament on me. She went off on me about "Fearing God". Why the HECK would I fear God?  I read somewhere that a Hebrew word meaning ' respect" was poorly translated and the word "Fear" was used instead.  Some religions try to scare you into faith ( much like the current "platform" of the Republican Party, but I digress)  I gave her tit for tat and she blocked us.  Probably better that way.

 My question to Trump supporters- and it's a REAL question is- WHAT is Christlike about Trump?  You know Jesus helped the poor, stood for the downtrodden, tried to unite us all in loving one another.  He wasn't motivated to accumulate wealth.

I doubt he had a junior high style nickname for Pontius Pilate.  

These days, I am remembering why I stopped going to church.  It was the parishioners that drove me away. I saw their judgmental behavior, gossiping about someone's clothes or their lives in hand-rubbing glee that turned me away from belonging to any particular denomination.  I still consider myself to be a Christian, but the people who are waving their Bibles in the air and proclaiming Trump as God's chosen are exactly the kind of people who drove me from a faith community.

The people of faith I most admire are those who "walk in faith"  they don't just pay it lip service but really behave  day-to-day- in a way that speaks well of their faith- whatever it may be.  My dad used to say people would "Go to Church on Sunday and to Hell on Monday"  meaning the minute they walked out the church door the sermon was forgotten.

He was right in the case of the church I attended and a few years after I left it, the Church closed. They sold the building to another church of a different denomination, folded their tents and left town.

Still, I have a good Biblical education, although they did choose what to teach and what not to teach from the Bible.  There are so many horrific stories of rape and violence in the Bible, probably not suitable for elementary school kids to hear about..  I have no desire to try to read it cover to cover.  It's a hard thing to do and it takes a commitment I do not have at this stage of the game.

Doctor's orders

I had a long conversation with my doctor yesterday.  We talked about a lot of things, including the state of my mental health.  I told her about the house flood and the broken toe- all in the two months since we had last spoken.  We talked about being housebound, due to my medical conditions in the time of the Corona virus

"what are you doing  for self-care"

I knew she would ask, so I had thought about it.  I AM trying to cook more "interesting" meals ( last night's version of Marsala sauce was good enough to write down)   but I can't really exercise with the stupid knee high boot.  I can't go out and take photos and road trips are out as well.

"Are you writing?"

Well, no not really.  I hit a place where I couldn't write anything that I wanted anyone else to read.  HECK  I didn't even want to read it and most of it wound up in the deleted pile.

I need to try.  So I am sitting here, trying  not really succeeding.  I am trying NOT to think too much about politics, except to hope we come to our senses when it comes to The Orange Menace.  Even the Evangelicals are starting to get a clue, except those who believe God sent him to us  to save us.  Michael Cohen has a book coming out and he is TALKING about Trump.  I love that he says "You don't have to like me,you just have to believe me."  When so MANY people say the same thing about someone, it is time to take a closer look.

I had better get to work.  I will be trying to write something every day.  Whether it will be readable is another story.

Kamala!

We knew he would pick a woman, thought it would be a woman of color, so the choice of Kamala Harris as  Joe Biden's running mate is not a HUGE surprise.  

I like her.  I know if she were our presidential candidate,I would vote for her.  Trumplethinskin is already claiming she is not a citizen. uh  Fat Donnie, if her MOTHER wasn't a citizen ( but was here legally) she is.  The rules apply to YOU too .Did you KNOW  Fat Donnie's MOTHER was NOT a citizen when HE was born???  Truth.  So turn about is fair play, as the saying goes.  GEE.  Can we  delegitimize HIS entire presidency?  Food for thought.

I think Ms Harris will be a wonderful Vice President.  Republican heads exploded everywhere and there is now a black woman  a"heartbeat from the presidency" ( see Theodore Roosevelt)  This must make them VERY VERY nervous.

Ms. Harris was a prosecutor in San Francisco. People tend to HATE prosecutors,   I try to remember that while the Defense speaks for the accused, the Prosecutor speaks for the victim, often giving voice to the dead.  They speak to the rule of law.  And while I have seen some cases that were presented that were just miscarriages of justice ( where the police made up the evidence to suit their theories and to chalk up one more in their "win" column) I realizes that both sides of the case must be presented as much as is possible to gain the correct outcome.  People will complain about her record or incarceration.  She did her job to the best of her ability.  

I believe she will be a great partner to Joe and an asset to this country, unlike the current sycophant who practically drools when gazing on his Dear Orange Leader.  I wonder if "Mother" is jealous?  I personally think she's a beard for Pence.  What she got out of it , we cannot know.  Maybe she didn't know his true self, when she married him- may  he didn't either. He's so deep in the closet he needs a flashlight and a road-map

I am looking at the next three months with a mixture of hope and dread.  The Dear Orange Leader is doing EVERYTHING he can to "fix" the election in his favor.  We need to fight back, get our Democracy back and fix what he broke.

Short thoughts

I am trying to read Mary Trump's book.  it is excellent, well written and really lays out why Donald, as she calls him, is the way he is.  what an awful family.  I keep having to put the book down when I finish a chapter. I have this "thing" where, if I don't want to spend time on a character, I don't read the book, no matter how "important" the book is to read. It's a push-back from my days as a lit major, where you HAD to read  so many "good" books that were more like slogging waist-high through mud than enjoyment.  The difference is I WANT to read Mary's book; I just HATE the characters.  I am only on Donald's teenage years. I suspect it gets worse.

I am stuck in the house and feeling trapped these days.  Chris does his best AND I have a telephone appointment with my doctor today, but the asthma is worse.  I blame stress.  I am wheezing and coughing more.  NORMALLY, we would have gone away for the weekend, but that is not possible at this juncture.  I need to find an outlet.  Still hopeful but this is the pits.

I see the Big Pharma companies are more concerned with how much they will MAKE for saving humankind than actually saving humankind.  Typical.  They only want to save those who can pay for it.

I saw Sweden - I think it was Sweden- said their experiment in herd immunity was not as successful as they had hoped.  I have to see it that was just another article of Facebook misdirection.  Honestly, triple checking stuff gets exhausting.


I am going to try to listen to a good book if all goes as planned today.  My house in 29 is still in an uproar, but there is hope on the horizon. Think a good thought for me!

Coffee in the morning.

I have no idea for today's blog so I am going to start by thinking about my Pandemic routine vs what I used to do, back i the Olden days.

I get up MUCH later now, as my "commute" is only about thirty seconds vs the good hour it used to take.  Frankly, I miss my car.  I miss my music or my book on cd.  I miss the gearing up for my day.  I used to use the time in the car to organize my workflow and plan what needed to be done.  Now?  I amble down the stairs, half awake , make a pot of Sumatra and plunk down in the chair.   It's early so I can check in with my friends, and do whatever "Housekeeping" needs to be done, either online or actual organization in my kitchen.  I used to get things into the crock-pot for dinner.  Now I sort of look in the pantry and see what I need to think about at the end of the day.  I don't do a lot of crock-pot cooking these days although I really should as it saves stress and keeps the house cooler.  I just don't have the inspiration.  I think being at home ALL THE FREAKING TIME has changed my mindset. 

I don't like it.


At all.



People say "Oh I LOVE working from home!" Not me.  when I WENT to work, my homelife was my homelife and my job was my job and while I had the  occasional late night phone call, work wasn't all over my tiny workspace.  I leave it the way it is right now, because rearranging my tiny area every day would be too time consuming.  I look forward to the day when I can return to work.  That may take some time.  I am super high risk, the medications I take for my asthma deplete my immune system.  There is talk about immuno-replacement and I am game, but with this stupid virus I don't know when that will be.

I'd like to say what I think about the virus, but the word I choose is an inelegant four letter one and I really would like to stay away from swearing today.

I miss the drive home.  Sure, rush hour, but the drive gave me time to decompress from what is a stressful job and switch gears to be the person I am in my home.  Slow down, unwind.  I used to plan meals in the car, or sometimes Chris and I would talk about grabbing a meal with friends.  I MISS friends in my home.  I haven't SEEN my shared wall neighbor in FOREVER,although we email and talk on the phone. His health is shaky as well.  We used to see each other every day and he would often join us for a meal or a snack and a chat. 

When all this is over, I am cooking EVERYTHING I can think of and calling everyone I know for a "Come over for a meal and a hug" extravaganza.  I hope they solve this soon, but it looks like my country will not be taking the lead, since we have a science denier in the White House.

November can't come soon enough.

Time travel

If you could go back in time and change something, would you?  It's one of those questions people ponder after too much smoke and wine and since I have had neither but the question is in my mind anyway, let me answer it.

I have been watching "once upon a time" on Netflix.  Originally, it was a cute concept, but Season 3 is going to be my last one.  This season, the Wicked Witch of the West comes to Storybrook and one of the things she wants to do is go back in time and change her past.  Here is the GINORMOUS plot hole.

She has to steal Snow's baby to do it, BUT the thing she is going to DO is kill Snow's MOTHER before she can marry Snow's father ( thus having Snow)  See the problem here?  No SNOW, no Baby, no time travel spell.  I suppose you can argue that time is somehow mutable and it's like a Choose Your Own Adventure book, but seriously. If you go back and kill someone, their children never exist

That really my problem with MOST time travel books and films ( Somewhere in Time is an exception- I think!)  If you change the past, it becomes the present and the future and you never KNEW any different timeline.

There was a Twilight Zone ( I Think or it may just have been a short story) about a man who gets his wish to go back to the time of the dinosaurs, but is warned NOT to get off the path. He sees a flower he must touch and in so doing steps on a butterfly, killing it,  When he returns to his own time, everything is changed. In killing the butterfly in the past he changed the future without meaning to.  The Twilight Zone was meant to scare you psychologically in many ways, but it also became one of those things stoners watched and talked about ( see "afternoons of smoke and wine") 


The Movie Time Bandits WAS fun, and I may try to watch that again sometime. It's about Time Traveling Dwarves who just want to have a god time and hide from an Evil something-or other, I forget.  I has Sean Connery in it. Lately I have trouble sitting still for even the half-hour or so that Once Upon A Time takes.   I blame Pandemic Cabin Fever.

So, in answer to the original question, no I would not go back in time to Stop John Kennedy's murder, or Abraham Lincoln's or stop myself from doing whatever stupid thing I did that I think I should not have done in retrospect.  The past makes up the present and even one tiny change may have a greater impact on the world.

Weddings in the time of Covid

I woke up thinking about Princess Beatrice, of all people.  She got married over the weekend in a small sweet ceremony.  I think she may have wanted something grander, but her wedding has been put aside several times and I am sure she just wanted to get married.  She wore a dress her grandmother- the FREAKING QUEEN OF ENGLAND- loaned her. It looked very nice and she looked very happy, they posted some cute snaps from the day.

I see a lot of people getting married and it gives me hope. People getting married, having babies, we are NOT giving up.  Covid is still going strong in a lot of places and I worry, even though I see that there are fewer deaths as the medical community get the upper hand in the battle.  I also see that we probably won't have a Jonas Salk come from anywhere and GIVE the vaccine away.  Every nation is trying to get there first, not to save their people, but for bragging rights.  Big Phama all over the world will be looking for a HUGE payday.  Why do I fear that the poor in this country will not fare well in the vaccination and treatment of the disease?

But,as usual, I digress.

While I have been off and watching bad television on my time off from work ( which is another topic for another day)  I have noticed a trend in "reality" television( and if you think any of this is "reality" I have a bridge in Brooklyn for sale)  Wedding-o-rama.  There is this one show, Called Four Weddings, which is a minor train wreck.  The "brides" compete for an "amazing honeymoon"  They all pretend to be BFF's while sniping each other behind their backs in critiquing each other's weddings in an effort to win the big prize.  I have seen some crazy ceremonies ( the wedding of the trapeze artists, where the bride descended from the ceiling and has Circus Circus like "entertainment" at  the reception, comes to mind)  There have been some incredibly tacky moments as the bride attempts to "provide the most amazing experience" for the guests.

What ever happened to celebrating love and commitment? 


It's like ALL those "Say yes to the Dress" shows; I love seeing the dresses, but I can't help but think a lot of the tears are staged for the camera.  And I swear, if I hear that song "Forever Now" one more time- isn't that a bit of an oxymoron and who says "yes" as part of their wedding vows anyway???

I won't even START with the replacement for the Jerry Springer show that is "90-day Fiance"   and although I get sucked into it,  "Married at First Sight"


Television and long distance photos of weddings are pretty much all I have these days.  I was HOPING to get to England for my cousin's wedding in October, but I am not sure what will happen. It's a good thing we didn't go, because of the flood at my house in 29.  I am still dealing with THAT and will update this blog when I have a clear solution, right now it's day by day.

Sunday morning

I know, I should be writing every day, but depression and lack of sleep have made it hard to get up the extra half an hour early to write something before I have to check in at work.  I am working from home.  I am on the computer for work at least 9 hours a day.  The bloom is off the rose and while I used to come home and check in with friends, now I can't wait to get off this machine and veg out upstairs.  I watch far too much mindless television to relax.  I used to decompress in the car on the way home- an hour to an hour and a half of listening to music and singing or listening to a book on cd.  I never listened to politic in the car if I could help it.  I used that time to shake off the day, make dinner in my head so I could stop at the store if I needed to and be ready to spend quality time with my husband.   Now I move into the kitchen from my chair and make dinner.  Sometimes, I get inspired but  mostly it's just a meal. 


I hate this.


I hate that they have politicized what is a global health crisis and that people ACTUALLY BELIEVE that the ENTIRE world is conspiring to make 45 look bad and lose the election.  Yeah, people are pretending to die all over the world. It's a huge episode of "Punked"  They really believe it.   Until they or someone they know gets it and then the big AHA moment happens but it is too late.

I hate the lies that are coming out of the White House and that they have taken over releasing the numbers. The Faithful say it's because the CDC is LYING- again to make HIM look bad- and that THESE are the real numbers.  Funny  how SUDDENLY there are almost NO cases.  It's a MIRACLE!  Praise Trump!  All Hail the Orange one!

Sheesh.

In the meantime, babies in Texas are coming down with it, even though HE says children are immune and they should ALL go back to school in the fall.  Any bets on where son Baron is in the fall?  With his mother in Maryland ( you do know she doesn't sleep at the White House and she is staying with her parents- who came here via  "Chain migration"  JUST the thing he screamed about in one of his rallies)

Have you seen the campaign ad, with rioters and looters in the streets, meant to scare people into voting for him, saying "This is what it will look like in Biden's America"?  The PROBLEM - and it should be obvious- is THAT footage was shot RECENTLY, in TRUMP'S AMERICA.  I see he has his Storm Troopers pulling "dissidents" into unmarked vans and holding them in undisclosed locations.  Gee   Hitler Playbook, anyone?  If you publicly protest- as is your First Amendment Right- and you disagree with the policies  of the Dear Leader, you will be Disappeared. 

Once he gets rid of the First Amendment, he will go after the rest of them, mark my words.


He does not understand history or  the Constitution, which is a "Living document"  He wants to scrap the whole thing and write his own Manifesto.   His lawyers- Dewey Cheatem and Howe - are working on it.

His party lets him do whatever he wants.  He violates the Hatch Act?  Fine  His daughter does it?  Fine.  I was SICK to see the Resolute desk being used to hawk  products of a man who fawns after Trump.  He lies about his opponent and when caught at it has a hissy fit.  I really need to see ALL of Chris Wallace's interview, but the part I did see showed me a petulant child out of control.

Is THIS really who you want to lead this country?   Is the Republican Party so corrupt that they don't see that this is NOT a leader?   I don't think I have ever seen a President lose it publicly on such a regular basis.  Before you say, it's because the media is "mean" to him- think about the hard questions fielded by President Obama, Or Clinton or EITHER Bush.  Did they snap their fingers in the air like a bad customer calling for another Diet Coke to get their staff to scurry out with paperwork that he thought would prove his point,  The fact that it DIDN'T made him even crazier.  Did he end the interview at that point?  I really must check.

So this has been my Sunday morning rant.  I am going to get my mask on and go to the grocery store in a bit.  It's my BIG Adventure- that and the occasional Car Picnic that my poor husband takes me on to cheer me up.  I miss  my friends and my family and one of these days I am going to set up a Zoom Dinner party, just to see your faces.  Let me know if you are game.

Pandemic thoughts

 I am going to ramble as I have to sign in to work in a few moments.  Working from home, while a blessing for someone like me who CAN'T go in ( super high risk)  is also sheer torture for someone like me.  Siting for 9.5 hours a day at my desk in my small kitchen with scant human interaction  is the worst ( thank GOODNESS for Chris and the people I see on my way to the mailbox in the courtyard of my apartment, and yes I wear a mask when I go outside)  I miss my bustling office, with people coming and going and the variety of it all.

It looks like we are back to Square Uno here in California.


There are so many Covidiots who think they don't have to wear a mask. The number of people who think that this is all a worldwide hoax to make the orange menace look bad astounds me. 

So we are stuck.

I posted Macbeth's soliloquy on my facebook page recently and no one commented although it did get a few likes. It resounded with me:


She should have died hereafter;
There would have been a time for such a word.
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.




I am trying to find some hope, some spark that there will be an end to all of this and we can get back to being in one another's company again.  Will we have learned anything from this?  I wonder.  I have learned who  failed math and science in the 8th grade.

Bear with me here

I see I didn't write at all in June.  Covid Depression got the better of me and I found that I could not write anything- except snarky FB posts about Trump, but those don't count

Last night, I had an awesome dream and I really should have written it down.  I was at my friend Donna's place and she was having some kind of salon, where we sat discussing paintings and books and poetry.  One of the poems was one I had written- sorry I can't remember what it was but it was relatively short.  everyone seemed to enjoy it and began discussing what it meant.  They turned to me to explain and I said "what it means to you is what it means.  Don't try to figure out what I meant, but determine what it means to you.  That is what poetry is, you bring your own meaning to it."

I have a degree in English and spent a great deal of time discussing Chaucer and Shakespeare and T.S. Eliot and Wallace Stevens.  We were always trying to tease out the exact intent of the writer.  I wonder if my thought in my dream isn't closer to the mark of study.  What DOES that poem, that painting that play SAY to YOU?  The most fun, for me and I know I'm weird, is talking about art in terms of what emotion it evokes.  When you re-read a novel, you are bringing new insight  to the work, because you have had different experiences. Since the first time you read it, you may have gone somewhere the novel reminds you of, met someone, done something, and that changes and deepens the meaning and experience for you.

I should really talk to my friend Donna about this, she does dream interpretation, but maybe it was a signal to start writing again.  I might try.

Truth, Justice and the American Way

Do you remember the Superman television show?  The opening had an announcer, telling Superman's story and ending with a resounding declaration that he fought for "truth, justice and the American Way" with a picture of George Reeves standing proudly, his cape billowing behind him superimposed over a large waving American Flag  DO you remember?

We could use someone like that right now, especially   the truth and justice part.  The current administration hides EVERYTHING,under the umbrella of "National Secrets"  We need the truth.   The Russian already know everything anyway, its the American people who are running around in the dark.

Speaking of Superman, did you ever consider that he was an illegal alien?  A DACA baby?  Well, think about it.  Before their world is destroyed, his natural parents put him in a spaceship and send him to Earth , where he winds up in a field of a farm in the Mid-west.  He is "adopted" by the farmers who found him and raised as their own.  No one can ever know his TRUE origins, although he himself does and it does come out eventually.  I wonder if, when he crashed landed here, if they would have put him in a cage?  No, probably not,  He was white.

I did get to wondering how the parents knew to send him here, how  it was he looked like he came from this planet, when all the other escapee aliens looked like... aliens.


In any case, on this Saturday morning  I am longing for justice to work the way Superman might have envisioned it.  I wonder if he would punch Bill Barr in the face?

Banned books and authors

So for some reason or another, I was thinking about Ezra Pound.  Heard of him?  Unless you are an English major, probably not.  HECK I was an English major and I'd be hard pressed to recall ANYTHING old Ezra wrote.   The only thing I DO remember is he was a racist asshole and they stopped teaching about him when the truth came out

Fair?  Probably not, but I think he just fell out of favor.  Maybe his works just lost their shine. I probably should see if I can wade through any of his writing before I say much more in his defense.

My mind went over to Laura Ingalls Wilder, who earlier this year had an award named after her  experience a name change  to the Children's Literature Legacy Award.  HER crime?  Repeating in her stories what her MOTHER had said about the Native Americans in her area.  Hear me out here.  SHE is being charged with racism, essentially being punished for relating in her books the moré of the time that is CERTAINLY wrong, but it was what people thought. So, she is being punished, in a sense, for relating history.  Should we stop reading Mark Twain for the same reason?  How about William Faulkner?  Laura was not saying this was right and I think it gives us a talking point with kids who may read it and question it, if they do at all.  Ma was kind of a minor character in the books, they were more about Pa.    Still I think that the presences of Ma's bias- that was really a product of her time and environment and while it is was and always will be WRONG- was something from that time period and we shouldn't erase it and prettify the time by pretending it wasn't there.

I think Laura herself got a bad shake after she died when her daughter, Rose Wilder Lane, intimated that SHE, not her mother, was the author of those books which were based on her mother's recollections.  I think Laura and Rose had a bad relationship and Rose was jealous of her mother's success.  I tried to read Rose's book.  It was NOT good, and I  believe totally disproves the "I wrote the Little House Books" claim that Rose made.

But back to my original thought.  Do we separate the dancer from the dance?  Do we talk about works of art independent of the artist?  Or do we dismiss talent because of flawed character?

Obviously. May The 4th Be with you

Star Wars. The original film- smack in the middle of Lucas' opus of nine stories-  defined our generation in many ways.

I think I saw the movie eight or nine times at the drive-in the summer it came out.  I was newly married and the theater was not in our budget, but the drive in was.  We could bring our own snacks for one thing.

Who in that time did not love the story and oooh and ahhh at  what was then  State of the Art special effects.  People these days won't understand it, just as we might not have understood how it felt,when Dorothy opened the door from her sepia toned house onto the expanse of the Munchkin City.

It was magic.

The only "Known" name was Sir Alec Guinness and he came to loathe the film.  You have to feel for the guy;  a HUGE body of work and kids are coming up to him calling him Obi-wan.  That HAS to be demoralizing.


Still the film stays with us, even with how BAD the second trilogy was.  I still have not made it through all of them, I just throw my hands up in exasperation.  BAD casting.  I blame that.  WHO the HELL cast a seven year old as Anakin?   Cute kid but creepy as hell when you think about him and Amadala. 

Now that the trilogy time 3 is over- and I really liked the last film, it tied it up nicely, what next?  Now that Disney has the franchise, they are going to milk that cow for all it is worth.  I suppose the story of Yoda is in the works.  Baby Yoda is cute, scary, but cute.

I am waiting for an all BB8 movie ( Ok it's a running bit around my house, I have several BB8's) 

Still the thought of something that connects us all and guides us in some way if we are open to it is not so bad,  I'm going with that.

April 29

 April is the cruelest month, breeding

Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing

Memory and desire, stirring

Dull roots with spring rain.

T.S. Eliot.  The Wasteland

It's  the end of April and a strange month it has been.

We have been in our homes, silent warriors in a battle for which we seem to be poorly prepared.  If you know me or have read ANY of this blog for the past three plus years, you KNOW how I feel about the current American "leadership", so this morning, I will try to think of other, hopefully more "hopeful " things

On this day, 34 years ago, a guy named Harry Peak "allegedly" snuck into the stacks of ( I believe) the Science and Technology Department ( I might be misremembering what I was told, but go with me here)  and lit the fire that burned the beloved Central Library.  It was horrific, with every fire company in the City responding.  It took a long time before staff could get back in.  

Like any great tragedy, the loss and devastation at Central galvanized certain sections of the public.  Help came from all over and in unusual places.  If politics makes strange bedfellows, so do tragedies.  I Would like to think that the odd partnerships that arose from that time, although fleeting in many cases, gave each person involved a compassion and insight that helps them in their current "day-to-day"

Compassion almost always arises out of tragedy and we become the people we really can be, if the Seven Deadly Sins aren't the thing driving us.  True humanity can spring from this.

Which is where I am making my rather belabored point about today's reality.  This pandemic is, hopefully, temporary.  It had impacted the entire world. I am ashamed that the person in charge of this country seems to think of it as a way to increase whatever the hell it is that is important to HIM ( Money? Check, Status? Check? Braggadocio?  CHECK AND CHECK)  Most of us who can are asking how we can help.

In my small community, people are working with local restaurants to donate meals and other goods.  After this is over, I am GOING to both those places and spending a good deal of cash, tipping staff!  It makes me proud to see how my neighbors are pulling together, except for that winebar owner who is opening his business on Friday.  When it was pointed out that he was breaking the law and not taking things into account regarding the safety of the community, he responded that he did not care.  I hope people stay away in droves.

This will end.  We will be out in the world, social distancing and wearing masks for a while.  "Normal" is a concept we apply to our lives that has no basis in real time.  Let as many of us get back across this as we possibly can.

I'm With Joe! Part 1

I am trying to come up with concise answers to why- other than the OBVIOUS ORANGE ELEPHANT in the room- why we should elect Joe Biden the Next President.

I decided,the best way, would be to go to to Biden's website and take one part of his initial proposals and discuss what they mean to me.  This IS after all MY BLOG and it is all about ME.

Here goes.  Women's  and healthcare issues;

• Giving Americans a new choice, a public health insurance option like Medicare. If your insurance company isn’t doing right by you, you should have another, better choice — and it should cover contraception and respect our constitutional right to choose.

He's right to try to ease healthcare for all into the mix, I think.  So many of us currently have it as part of an employment benefit, it will take a while to untangle it within our contracts.  The thing I Think about is IF we lose our jobs and thereby our benefits, replacement healthcare should become available right away.  I know, I know, this makes it a two tiered system at present, but  I think phases makes sense on some level.  The choice for contraception should NEVER  EVER be your employers right over you.  ( we used to say if men got pregnant, contraception would be a sacrament)

• Lowering costs so that buying medicine and paying medical bills don’t bankrupt families. You shouldn’t have to choose between putting food on the table or filling your prescriptions. 

I thank GOD- and the City of LA- for my healthcare coverage.  Before we got married and my husband did not have coverage, MOST of his money went toward insulin and diabetic supplies to keep him alive.  Not healthy, just alive.  My current costs make a better life possible for him and by extension our family.  When Nixon made Healthcare a Big FOR Profit entity, he sent us down the road, where only the rich can afford it.

• Working to codify Roe v. Wade.

• Abortion is not new, but thanks to Roe v. Wade, it makes it safe for women who must for whatever reason seek that option.  I am SICK of hearing the cavalier response of men who think that ALL women who seek abortion are doing it for birth control.  I had a fetus die, but not expel and it was causing a toxemia. It almost killed me. I was grateful for the women's health clinic who were able to perform the operation that by law at the time, could NOT have been done in the hospital ( this was years ago and I hope, but do not know if the laws are different, but still  I would not be here typing this and my daughter and grandsons would not be here either.  Roe v. Wade protects women from dying as they did when my grandmother was a young woman and desperate women used cayenne pepper laced knitting needles into their uteruses to try to abort.  

• Side note- I think the anti quarantine crowd screaming about the Government Controlling Their BODY is just more than a wee bit ironic.
  
  
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Supporting the repeal of the Hyde Amendment.
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   See above comments.  Being raped is terrible, your mind and your body are assaulted.  Now you have to carry your rapists baby to term and in SOME states give him "parental rights".  People say "oh then to get an abortion, women will claim rape." NOT if they leave Roe V. Wade ALONE!!!!!

• Reducing our unacceptably high maternal mortality rate, which disproportionately affects women of color. 

There is a health crisis in this country and women of color are, as usual on the short end of the stick.  I do not understand it, I have not really looked into the entire situation enough to speak to it in any informed way.  Suffice it to say, we need to look at WHY and DO SOMETHING.  I am tired of hearing we are the best nation in the world and yet HALF of our population is not getting the care some rich people give their poodles...

• Restoring federal funding for Planned Parenthood, including through Medicaid and Title X. 

Ah, Planned Parenthood.  Did you KNOW, or even CARE that MOST of the services PREVENT unplanned pregnancies?  Did you know they do cancer screenings, both cervical and breast? AND they provide contraceptives to those who need them?  Do you KNOW that, or are you too busy listening to people screaming about BABY KILLERS to pay attention to their REAL mission.  Low cost women's healthcare.  Preventing pregnancy is important. Helping women stay healthy?  More so.

So there it is.  I'm on a quest to evaluate what Joe has to say in these beginning stages of his campaign.  I know the ultimate platform from the Democrats will probably adjust this to encompass all sides of the party.    I am ever hopeful  and 

I'M WITH JOE!