Friday thoughts

The longest five minutes of my morning are those between when I press the button that says "brew" and the time the machine makes that noise that says it's finished.  I sit at my computer, or putter around tidying up a bit, waiting.  I can't start my breathing treatment until I have coffee ( well i CAN, I'm just a little anal about the order in which I drink my bean juice THEN do the breathing thing).  The first sip of steaming energy never fails to make me say "AH"  sometimes the second one.  I love my Sumatra and I would be hard pressed to give up the one remaining vice- ok I still have a glass of wine or whiskey now and then but coffee is my daily ritual. My doctor has not YET said I have to give it up and I am thankful.

Yesterday was a bad day and I had a flare of the PH thing.  Chest pains were worse than they had been in a long time.  Usually I can get things to settle down but not yesterday.  I did everything I am supposed to do , but it took a LONG time to be where I could drive home.  UGH.  I did not go to the  Union meeting.  I don't think I could have made it through.  Came home, relaxed a bit and decided, what to do about Chris' car.  It had really reached the end of its' life.  Good solution, ultimately, for all concerned, just more money every month.   It is what it is.

I need a better night's sleep than I am getting, That would help. Soon.

I talked to my Bob.  He told he "I love you and I miss you , Gogo"  My heart melted.  Nothing like that little boy. His brother will probably be much the same.   BOTH of them are outrageous flirts.  My daughter is going to have her hands full with those two.

Enjoy your Friday!  Tomorrow is going to be a busy day.  Good thing it's an "extra" one!

Thursday

Up early. I have to get to work a bit early.  I have a Union thing tonight.  Not looking forward to it. So MUCH anger and derision.  I am tired of it. 

I have been active in my union for a long time.  I am tired of people who don't get it just shouting until people stop trying to explain their point of view.   Even if you are shouting, you are still wrong.

I blame tRump politics, and the dumbing down of our children.  They are being taught to take tests, not to think or reason.  It's scary.  I think  the obsequious "They" want us stupid.  Uneducated people make good servants I guess.

My favorite new slur?  "you Uneducated potato"


On another tangent.  I was reading a book in which the main character is asked about the themes of  "The Great Gatsby" and she BS'ed her was around some answer which made me think.  The BS was an interesting take on the book- it was clear she just read a synopsis and not the book, although it's -what- 60 pages?  Short in any case.  It also made me wonder. As an English major, we are taught to look for themes or symbolism in what we read.  I wondered for about the millionth time, if the symbols are placed there or we are taught to see what is not there.  I tend to think ol' Scott was just telling a story, not all that junk about the meaning of the green light at the end of Daisy's dock.  I am sure Scott and Zelda knew a lot of "Gatsby's " people from humble beginnings who reinvented themselves for the Cafe Society.  It might have been a cold look at the dark underbelly of those glittering people, false friends and sad endings.  That even if you achieve great things, if you lose yourself in the process, just what have you gained?  What is the quote "What profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul?"

I wonder if tRump has ever heard that quote.  He probably had no soul to lose.

I have the flu

I have not written anything since Thursday.  I have the flu.  It hit me at work- sort of and when I got home I was feeling miserable so I went to bed.  And pretty much stayed there until this morning. I gave up tickets to a play I was DYING to see- great seats too ( my friend who gifted us with them was able to swap them out for a later date, different seats but  I am NOT complaining!)  I am shaky but slept ok, without incident so I guess I am better.  We are so short-handed at work right now and I have a million things waiting for me ( more like 500 emails but hey)

I'm gonna give it a shot and see how it goes. No promises.

The worst thing was my eyes hurt so badly I could not focus to read.  Great.  I have THREE books, aching to be read and I was just in bed but NOOOOO. So I watched bad tv

I love the show "Love it or List it" but I know a lot of it is faked for drama purposes.  At some point in the binge watch yesterday, I started judging the characters and their performances.  I didn't LIKE some of the couples.  They behaved badly to the competitor hosts.  You are supposed to like Hilary and David does his best to be obnoxious.  I have a feeling it's just an act on his part.  Hilary was in the Rocky Horror Picture Show- she was the bride Betty Monroe.  Bit of trivia.   I enjoy what she does with the homes, I wondered if the new furniture was included, so I looked it up. For this show it was, It's  Fixer Upper that they have to pay for the furniture they want to keep. It sucks , in my opinion, because most of those people on Fixer Upper are not exactly wealthy, unlike those people on Property Brothers who sometimes have an  "All-in" budget of a million dollars.  Sheesh.

So I am off to work this morning.  Wish me luck.  I haven't really eaten much in the last three days, despite Chris' worried prompting and offers of food.  I'm hungry, just nothing sounds like I should eat  it and some stuff just makes my stomach roll in protest.

I should probably stay home, but you know me.  I will see what the day brings.

inwhich I get political

"Inwhich" was the name of Norman Bel Geddes  magazine BTW so the title to this piece is a reference to that.

I tried to watch last night's debate.   I have already pretty much made my mind up about who I will be voting for in the Primaries.

I also know I am going to vote for WHOEVER gets the Democratic nomination.

If you are voting- and if you are NOT You should tell me so I can YELL at you!- Please consider the following things:

Don't be a :Single issue voter.  Life is not limited to one issue.  Go with the person who best addresses that single issue if you must, but look at ALL the issues and try to imagine that person in the Oval Office.

Four more years of Trump, his mind deteriorating before our eyes and the level of his dictator-like behavior TERRIFIES me.

If you are a Republican, how do you justify what he is doing to the environment, to people in cages, to the judicial system, to everything he touches.   He runs it like he ran HIS businesses.  RIGHT into the ground.

There.  I said it.

Now last night's debate just gave me a headache.  I actually posted  " STOP picking on each other!  tell me what your plan is and why YOU can win"  Sheesh. 

When I was in elementary school, we had a teacher who was BIG on debates.  We would have them all the time.  Given a topic to research and to debate with each other in a formal setting.  There were RULES.  No talking over one another. and strangely, no insults or name calling.  No shouting.  I wonder what Mr. Plotkin would have said about last night.

The moderators were no better.  Talking over the answers. Constantly interrupting.

Someone needed a Referee shirt and a whistle last night. 

The Democrats have to stop behaving like Trump and start being the Adults in the room.  I know it is easier to snark at one another, to have a soundbite that can be replayed. That is what the Millennials seem to want.  Little  bits of information to digest. 

But we need to do better, we need to BE better.  We need intelligent, rational leadership.  We need someone who is not going to appoint people based solely on their support they have demonstrated.  We need SMART capable people to represent our Government out there in the world. We are NOT getting that with Trump and his administration and the lapdogs around him are just saying"yes yes" to everything he says. 

Frankly, I hope someone in the Republican Party steps up to stop this before we have another rise of the Third Reich.   We need both Conservative and Liberal voices to make this Country work, but the fear-mongering that is going on is polarizing our Nation to such a degree that a coming together of minds to solve a problem is becoming more and more impossible.

Movies

My friend Maria posted recently about the film Casablanca and one or two of her friends 'fessed up to not having seen the film.  It reminded me of another friend who said someone checked out the movie from his branch and told him they had not seen the film. He GUSHED that they were in for a treat.  He told me that he wished he could see it for the first time again,and I posted the same sentiment on Maria's page.  What a treat.

It made me think, what film would I like to see for the first time?  Robin Hood, with Errol Flynn and Olivia de Haviland.  What a gorgeous, thrilling film that is. Olivia is at her luminous best- that silver gown she looks like she was sewn into is heavenly.  The rumor was she was falling in love (unrequited) with Flynn.  It might have just been a rumor put out by the studios.  He was a real you-know-what, apparently.  Beautiful, but cruel because he knew the power of his beauty.

I was thinking the other day about mediocre films.  When you are in one, do you KNOW it?  What's that like, knowing you are making a movie that's just meh?  I suppose work is work and you learn something from the process, even if the accolades don't come from it.  I was thinking about two of my favorite films  ( there are more I suppose but for the sake of brevity I will mention only two)

A Walk in the Clouds with Keanu  Reeves. It's a beautifully filed if uneven love story about a soldier who comes home from the war to find his wife has taken up with someone else (they married in haste and he wasn't really crushed by it) he takes a job as a traveling salesman and meets a girl going home to her family.  She is pregnant and unmarried and does not know how to avoid the scandal. He offers to pretend to be her husband and abandon her, giving her an "out"  The lush scenery of the Napa Valley is the star of this film and the photography is lovely.  Sweet film.

The Holiday. Pure Rom-Com with Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz.  Fun and sweet and NOT an award winner, but hey.  ENTERTAINMENT, nonetheless.

Not every film can be an Oscar nominee and I suspect some are just made to make or lose money for the studios.

What's YOU favorite?

music I listened to

Yesterday, Chris was searching online for a singer whose voice he really liked as a kid.  Turned out to be the lead singer from Deep Purple.  The song he played, however, threw ME back into my childhood; Lalena.  the Deep Purple version was somewhat faithful to the original, but I really wanted to hear the Donovan version.  Chris didn't know it was a Donovan song, and he talked a bit about Deep Purple instead delving into what happened to the singer and it is a tragic tale of lies and greed.  The only Deep Purple song I can name off the top of my head is "Highway Star" which I heard recently blasting at the casino. Boy THAT took me back the the smoky bedrooms of my misspent youth.  Not going there right now.

Donovan, however, evokes a gentler happy time in my life.  My neighbor , Liz worked ( I'm not sure worked is the right work, she might have been a volunteer or something) at an underground radio station in the mid 60's.  Underground radio in Los Angeles was what later became FM radio.it was wild and free-wheeling and I don't know how they got away with the things they said, but it was NOT KHJ! Liz was that girl, the one everyone in the 60's aspired to be; artistic, beautiful with a cool car and a cool boyfriend.  She used to laugh and say "Trendsetter" in a high society voice so it came out Trend- said-a and flip her long hair and laugh.  You knew she didn't take it seriously.  She was the reason I knew about Crosby, Stills and Nash and Donovan.

I loved - and probably still love- Donovan's music.  It meant a lot to me.  I wrote  ( and still write) somewhat bad poetry.  I enjoy the process and sometimes it comes out just as I meant it to but it is not anything anyone would PAY me to do.  It truly is art for arts sake. 

But Donovan, he wrote such deep and lovely things. He made you think. He made you dream. He opened your eyes to the mystic and the mythical that defined the mid 60's

I just downloaded Spotify on my phone for my commute to work.  I just might listen to a set of Donovan, if he is there.

Royal Family

What is it with the British Royal Family and the world's fascination with them?  I have no clue but I seem to have been sucked in.

I had a dream about Harry and Meghan.  I can't remember the dream but the whole vilification of Megan has gotten totally out of hand.   First she was an angel , now she is the Devil Incarnate.  Seriously I read a discussion feed where someone said they would no longer donate to Harry's charity- the Invictus Games- because he was stepping away form his "royal duties"

ok.

Let me get this straight.  The guy tries to leave the family business,because he saw parallels to the problems that caused his mother's death and you feel that NOT donating to a charity that helps wounded and returning  veterans is justified because YOU can't get your tabloid fix.

Yeah.  I get it.  Totally justified.

Harry is what, sixth in line for the Throne?  If Kate and Wills have more children he will drop even further down the line of succession.   So why is everyone so worried about him leaving the Firm?

I wish them the best, hope they can make it without to much intrusion and people will leave them alone.

Name Calling 101

I see that Mr. Trump is conducting yet another Master Class in Infantile Name Calling 101 ( or is it Level 401- I graduated college in 1980, I can't remember how they label the levels)

He's - to quote Daffy Duck- despicable.

I love that I learned all sorts of interesting words from Daffy, none of them as mean spirited as what trips from the corpulent mouth and the squat thumbs of the person who currently places his oversize backside in the chair behind the Resolute desk.

Tell me, when did name calling become acceptable in regular business dealings?  Oh year He did it all the time.  Perhaps that explains his failures, his bankruptcies, his need to borrow millions form overseas banks as banks in this country won't touch him.

How do we explain to our children that "name calling isn't nice" when every word, every tweet, every pseudo news conference involving that man includes some kind of slur?  I don't know.

We need to get back to where we treat each other with civility.  I am sorry but his wife's "campaign "  sadly headed "Be Best" shows a real lack of backbone.  "Be best... WHAT?  It's missing a word, but I think he command of English is not as good as they claim.  Here are a few suggestions:

Be your best
Be a best friend
Be the best you can be


Just a start.

As for me, I am going to do two things.  1- I will try my best ( ooh there's another one for Melania) NOT to lower myself to the level of that man and his followers and not name call.  2- VOTE and get out the vote ( if you are reading this, PLEASE vote, unless you are supporting the current regime.)

We seem to be trapped in a horrible remake of Back to the Future where Biff is somehow President.  Robert Zemekis has a lot to answer for.

Saturday

It's a beautiful day.  I am heading out in a few to meet a friend for lunch .  It's a long weekend and I want to do... something

But what?

Do you ever have so much to do that you wind up doing nothing?  Happens to me all the time.  I make these ambitious  "to do " lists in a vain hope to tackle something and NOTHING gets done, which is why I often add "eat lunch" or "take a nap" so that I can cross something off.

I am looking at hobbies I might take up in the near future.  Another friend of mine observed that hobbies tend to take up all your spare time and spare money if you do them correctly.  I see people whose hobbies become a second source of income, but as my hobbies are writing this blog and eating I doubt my income stream will increase any time in the foreseeable future.

Sigh.

I want to go out in the late Winter sunshine and enjoy the fact that I live in Southern California.  It's Saturday.  That should be enough.

Valentine's Day thoughts

My brain is a total randomizer this morning:

I am NOT big on Valentine's Day.  Seriously, I am married to a wonderful man who makes me feel loved every day of the year, so although the flowers and candy ARE nice ( he apparently went out last night after I went to bed)  I don't get upset if I don't get them.  He takes such good care of me.  This past year has been hard health-wise which has impacted my moods.  I cry a lot.   Frustrated mostly and he just holds me.  That.  Yeah.

I was thinking about Valentine's Days as a kid.  First of all my Dad would buy all "his girls" something   He was thoughtful and a die-hard romantic.  My mom was The One, from the moment they met. I remember at some point, the elementary school I went too said EVERYONE had to get a Valentine or no one did. I think that's nice.  Kids used to compare how many they got.  The popular kids always got a lot.  I remember the box and the names being called out.  One year, a friend of mine, a rebel in her heart, although she was not suspected in any way, signed ALL of her Valentines "Once in the morning does it" The Green Phantom.  It was a tag line from a Scope Mouthwash Commercial.  No one ( except me and her) knew who did it.  I never told and I am NOT outing her now.  Just in case...

Didn't Ophelia kill herself on Valentine's Day.  The opening line of the song she sings in  her "mad speech" is Tomorrow is St Valentine's Day"  There was a whole thread about her being pregnant and abandoned, so she wraps herself in "fantastic garlands" and jumps in the pond. Happy Valentine's Day Hamlet...

I know quite a few couples who got married on Valentine's Day. Sweet, but I was thinking, the way they price-gouge on this Day of hearts and flowers, if you wanted to go out for a nice meal or away for the weekend, it would be super expensive for NO GOOD REASON.

So, know that you are loved, that one day out of the year does not prove or disprove that fact.  May you have an amazing day, today and every day!

Theme songs

My husband got an ad in the mail that caused him to break into The Love Boat theme song.  Great.  thanks for the earworm, Christopher.

I have been thinking about PERSONAL theme songs all day today.  I went in to work super early and tried to get Pandora to play the song that I sometimes need to hear to empower me.  It's a song by a woman I am proud to know- Cindy Alexander.  Cindy is an awesome human with an amazing set of pipes and a talent for writing wonderful songs.  the song I needed today was a song I often think of as my theme song  "Idiot Child"  Sometimes I feel like a total idiot, like everyone else gets it and I'm standing there like "what?"   The thing about the song is the power of Cindy's voice both tender and soaring.  I have been singing along, my speech therapist told me I have to do some breathing exercise, so I watch my phrasing and breathing and sing along. I almost have my range back, if not my tone.  Baby steps. Google the song and Cindy.  She's amazing.

My other theme song is Warren Zevon's "My shit's fucked up"  I don't need to explain that to anyone, but if you haven't heard the song, take a trip over to Youtube.  Classic Zevon.

Music keeps me grounded.   I just don't need to hear theme songs from cheesy 1970s television shows...

A friend in need

Yesterday, I was talking with my neighbor, who remarked on how lucky he was to have friends who would step in to help when he needed it.  He said " of course I help them when they need it, so it goes both ways"  I nodded.  Isn't that what friendship is?  A give and take whether of your time or something to share?

It got me thinking about the saying " A friend in need is a friend indeed"  I always thought that could be taken two ways.

one- the obvious, a friend to you in your time of need is  truly a friend.
two- someone who needs something from you will be all over you trying to BE your friend until they get it.

Haven't we all had THAT "friend"   the one who needs you to do something and pretends to be your new bestie, until you do or give that thing and then they are like Jeannie in "I dream of Jeannie" off in a puff of pink smoke.

This morning, I am counting my blessings, thankful that my friends are more of the first type.

I hope I am too.

Laura

When we are young, we believe we will live forever, that we are invincible and that the future stretches out before us like some mythical Route 66, into adventure and the unknown.

On this day, in 1981, life conspired to give me a wake-up call and dissuade me of that certainty once and for all.

Laura and I had been co-workers, then friends as we were both Messenger Clerks (aka MCs) at the Pacoima Branch Library.  She was serious with a LARGE streak of fun built in.  The oldest child in her family, she naturally took the lead in many of our interactions.

I remember sitting in the tiny apartment I shared with my then-husband with a group of co-workers, having glasses of cheap wine ( possible other herbal substances?  I can't remember) and having long conversations.  One of our group declared Laura "an angel walking"  she was a good person, without being the kind of goody-goody you wanted to smack.

She and I were a month apart in age.

We were both going to Cal State Northridge, she in Business, me in English.  I was planning on becoming a librarian, I don't know if she had any real dreams about her life past the business degree.  CSUN had- and probably still HAS-one of the best business programs around.

Then she got sick.  In the last year of school she was misdiagnosed with "arthritis" and had to drop out.  She was really sick.  We kept in touch and visited her at her home.  They could not make her well.  In early February, we heard she was in the hospital,so we went to visit.  She confessed to craving Swenson's Mocha Chip ice cream, so the next day we returned with it.  We laughed and chatted while she ate and I told her when she got out we would bring our lasers and fog machines to her house to celebrate (my then-husband and I ran a small lighting and effects business on the side for bands and clubs)  She LOOKED at me.  Just that look and I knew that she knew she was never going home.  She didn't say anything, but she knew. 

I shut up.

I was at work when the call came.  I remember being in the workroom, hearing Stella Kobayashi say, "No, Robyn's right here" and hanging up.  She told me Laura had died.  I heard someone screaming. I realized it was me.  I went home. I couldn't think straight enough to work  and called a co-worker to tell her.  She accused me of lying, hung up on me and called back in a minute.  She came to my house and we stood on the front porch, hugging and sobbing.

It turns out Laura did not have arthritis, but an aggressive form of Lupus.  In 1981, it was incurable.

Fittingly, Laura's funeral was Valentine's Day.  She was 22.

I think of her often. I wonder where we would be, still friends I hope, raising children, loving grandchildren- all of which was not to be for her.  I wonder who she would have become and I miss the young woman I knew. I visit a photo of the mural int he Young Adult section of the Pacoima Library where the artists painted her as the Madonna. The mural HAD been in the children's room at the old Library. She was ROYALLY pissed at him, but I think he had a huge crush one her.

I am glad he did that.

I gave my daughter her middle name as HER middle name, Elizabeth.  I don't think people become angels when they die ( a topic for a future blog, I think) but I think their spirits may remain somewhere.  I wanted the essence of her goodness to be part of my girl.

There's an Irish Proverb ( at least I have heard it, but I think many cultures say something similar) "Do not resent growing old, many are denied the privilege"  I look at myself, and the life I was granted and am thankful.  I am blessed in this journey and in thinking of Laura today, I am reminded.

Wind is my least favorite

Wind is my least favorite weather phenomenon.  I HATE the sound of howling winds in the middle of the night, the sound of the trees, groaning and tapping on the window.   I hate the thought of what the wind is doing to the landscape and the buildings.

I hate the thought of trying to pilot my small car on the freeway in these high winds.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE a gentle breeze, stillness is uncomfortable.  But when the winds are going as fast as an Indy Car, I get concerned for my safety.  I need to remember to tie my hair back and I don't want to wear a skirt to work, but my slacks are in the laundry- bad planning on my part.

I see the power is still out in Hayward and I am worried about Chris' mother who has been without power since Sunday.  I hope they restore it soon.

I am just glad we took the Sunland Tujunga Oak down.  With the velocity of this current storm, it would certainly have fallen and done some damage.

I need to get rolling.  It's probably going to be a long day at my desk and I have a stack of things waiting.

February 9, 1971 Where were you?

It's the anniversary of the Sylmar earthquake.   I had to think what it was called, as to me for the longest time it was just the Earthquake.

The quake was at 6:01 am.  I was still in bed, awakened when my bed, which was on casters as many beds used to be, rolled halfway across the bedroom and back.  I remember hearing my mother SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER in the kitchen.  She had gotten up to start breakfast.  She CLAIMED she was trying to "wake us up"- me and my sister.  Uh. Right Mom.

I was twelve and in the 7th grade at Pacoima Junior High.  They did not become Middle Schools until I was well out of the school system.   I had NO idea what an earthquake even WAS, although at some point in my school life we must have discussed the Great San Francisco Quake.

It took twelve seconds, but it seemed like an eternity.  I read that the Alaska earthquake in 1964 was 4.5 MINUTES.  I can't imagine that.  Every time we have an earthquake, I wonder how long till the shaking stops.

We got up and surveyed the damage in the house.  Thankfully, the houses in my part of the Valley are wood-frame and they gave with the quake, which was a rolling one.  if it had been a slip-strike jolt it might have been worse than it was.

Still, my mother did not believe a natural disaster was ANY reason for me to skip school and  she made me take a shower int he dark and head off for school about a mile and a half away.  I got about four blocks when my friend Jimmy's family stopped me and told me school was closed.  I told them my mom would not believe it, and they let me try to call her.  Phone lines were down but I reached her and she said to come home.

My school gym was an evacuation center and school was closed for a week.  The only real damage to our house was a dent int the counter where a large bottle of some variety fell off the top shelf of the liquor cabinet.

My next door neighbor was a nurse at Olive View- the hospital that came down and she told humorous stories of herself and her co-worker trying to get in a doorway or in the case of her co-worker under the sink which cam off the wall on top of her.  I suppose it was scary but they made it sound funny.

They evacuated areas around the Van Norman Dam in Granada Hills and there was a lot of damage in neighborhoods not near my own.  As a kid, it was a grand adventure.

Earthquakes can be scary.  It's how we react to them that is important.  The City tells us we may be on our own for as long as three days and we need to be prepared for that.  I am not quite sure that I am- I'm close- but maybe today I need to look at my preparedness kit.

Saturday comes early

I'm up,

I won't say awake, but I am up doing my breathing treatment and getting ready to go in to work for a special project.  It needs to get done, but  ugh.


I am trying to think of upbeat and inspiring things to say here, but there is not enough coffee to do that today.

Does anyone else get up and look at the news in hopes some monumental change has taken place overnight?  I certainly do.  I know, it's probably not good to do that on some kind of level for my spirit, but  for that brief moment in time, before I check the news and weather, I have a tiny spark of hope.

I'm looking for good books and poetry to sustain me. I will probably post something on my FB page.  A while back I asked for books. I have to find that thread, Print it and get to reading.  About a 50/50 shot as to what I like and my friends enjoy, but I find new authors that way.  I know there are apps and reading lists, but a lot of my friends are either librarians or avid reader- or BOTH- and I enjoy the enthusiasm  people pitch their favorites with.

Hoping for a  great day,  Still having trouble with the breathing, but the anxiety meds came in so I can do something about the chest pains and the panic attacks!  I tried the guided imagery meditation that sometimes works, I tried  the shower- also a quick fix for panic in my world.  Not working so well.  I am sure once the asthma, or whatever this is,  is better controlled , the panic will subside. They are related.

A day off

I am off work every other Friday, due to a cool schedule where I work 80 hours in a two week period.  It works, but I find myself trying to cram in a whole bunch of chores on my day off, instead of using it for relaxation.

I blame my mother's Protestant work ethic.

I made a list of things to do today and so far have done ONE of them.  I tend to add things like "take A nap" or "eat lunch" because hey I have to cross SOMETHING off the list, right?


Still today's list sits at my right elbow, chiding me.  Sometimes I just can't get started and watching BAD reality television and sleeping, but I really HAVE to do some of the things on the list.

Laundry , apparently does NOT do itself and food does not magically become a meal.

I am still trying to write something every day, in hopes that  I can get away from "journaling" and onto more thoughtful, complete articles or opinion pieces, rather than a trip into the rambling attic of my brain,  Every day it gets easier or harder, depending on the quality of sleep and the levels of stress that stretch before me during the day. 

Today, I am going to try to do FIVE things on this list.  I have a project I need to get out, paperwork I need to send off, and a few odds and ends .  Hopefully, the nap I have in the middle of the list will also be productive and I can get through the day.

Wish  me LUCK!

You've gotta hope

Emily Dickinson said "Hope is a thing with wings"  I wonder what she meant.  People say "hope floats"  ok, strange quote but what is it to hope?

As we enter ever darkening political times, I find myself clinging more to my faith, questioning my belief in a loving God who watches over us.  He did nothing to prevent the atrocities of Hitler,the Khmer Rouge and other horrible things that happened to people on this planet.

Why do I still have faith he will help us now?

I have to have hope, even as 45 begins a movement to declare himself President for life, as he goes after his "enemies, to eliminate them, to jail them- he's got a list, I'm sure.

Still I wake up every day and say a small prayer that common decency will return tho this country.  That public name calling will be treated like the playground bully and shunned.  I am tired of hearing the LIE that he is making this country great. 

Mussolini made the trains run on time.

Prednisone

Up early to make a breakfast dish- chile rellano casserole- for my contribution to the "Baby Jesus" Party. It's a fun tradition, celebrating our local heritage that if you find the baby Jesus in you piece of Three Kings Cake, you have to throw a party on February 2.  We decided to do it today.  The Baby in this years cake looked like he came via Area 51, so I keep calling it " Alien Baby Jesus"  Some years the baby looks like a baby.

So.. I bought the wrong chilies.   I blame prednisone and lack of sleep.

They are supposed to be whole but I bought chopped.

I blame prednisone, which makes me stupid and forgetful.  It works, but at what cost?  I got lost going to my doctor's office. Admittedly, I have been seeing SO many lately I forgot which one was where and I parked in the wrong lot at Kaiser.  Ugh

Still I am fighting this THING that makes breathing harder and sleep impossible.  I took all my meds and slept at an angle, but still awake every few hours.

It's not sleep apnea.  It's this.. THING

I see my wonderful asthma doctor next week.  I had another one of those episodes on Monday where I stopped breathing.  Sound asleep then WHAM.  God I hate that.  I looked it up and I have a few questions to ask my doctor about possible medication changes and what I might do to make this manageable. He's great and together we will solve this mystery and I WILL get better.

The pulmonologist said I will probably need to take this stuff forever, in order to have a somewhat "normal" life.  I am hoping he COULD be wrong about my prognosis that he just wants me to take it easy and not expect to be off this stuff any time soon. My hope is eventually I will not need so much stuff.  This whole thing bites.

I hope my office mates enjoy the chile thing I am making.  Same flavor just not whole chilies.  It's gonna be a long day.

Whistle Blower

So, I see the  "patriots" out there, posting photos of the supposed Whistle Blower in the Trump investigation. 

Well done , assholes

First.

Do you know this man is really the person who reported WRONGDOING on the part of 45?

Did you know that Whistle blowers are PROTECTED because if they weren't , no one would report anything and the bastards would get away with it.

The man works in DC, Don't you think he has lots of photos with politicians?  I'd be willing to bet, if someone took the time,  they could find him with.. GASP  Trump!  But no it doesn't fit the  persecution agenda that is being farmed out there, so you won't see that at all.

He has been threatened with death.  Nice going.  I hope you take that guilt with you if something happens to him.  I hope you realize what you did and live with it.

He bravely reported something.  It was not his fault it was true.

Football

I like football.  I went to San Fernando High School where football is king. One of my classmates won the Heisman Trophy ( and made NOTHING of himself afterward, which is a real shame and I am not going to get into the culture that trains people to play a game, you can only play for about ten year and then WHAT?)

I understand the game and when I was married to the first husband and he played "semi-pro" ball ( it was kind of like Pop Warner football for adults and while it is true that there were rare occasions where pro scouts looked at the games, I HIGHLY doubt any of the players were ever seriously considered to be invited to training came in the big leagues)  I used to run "clinics" for the wives and girlfriends and can explain the game to you in about ten minutes so you can understand it well enough to enjoy a Super Bowl party and not look like an idiot.

Yesterday, I watched the Super Bowl.  I love to watch it.  Usually the Commercials are wonderful, smart and humorous or heart tugging.  This year?  Meh

I didn't really care too much who won the game, although I did prefer San Francisco after the end from Kansas started praising Trump to the skies.  He wore a jersey with a photo of the day Trump met with Kanye.  I don't know, but I would not want Kanye- who famously claims to NEVER have read a book, so he's not that smart in my estimation- to represent me or my cause.  BLEH. Can someone explain the appeal of Kanye?  Maybe he's a musical innovator, but All I ever see is him acting like a jerk.  You don't get to be a jerk, even if your music is off the chain. 

Rant over.

In my book, the Niners thought they had it in the bag, up by ten points with ten minutes to go.  The Chiefs have a record of MASSIVE comebacks, HECK  even I knew that!  So  congrats to them.  They represented Missouri well.  It seems 45 is not aware that Kansas City is in and plays in Missouri.  I didn't either, but I  think I would have been damn sure (since I know that there are TWO Kansas Cities in the US) which one was being represented.

So congrats to the Chiefs.  It was a good game to watch.

Nepotism

Trump has made a great big deal out of the fact that Hunter Biden took a job in Ukraine, that paid him a lot of money.  Apparently his name helped him get the job.

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise, as Gomer Pyle used to say.

I wonder how many people passing judgement on Young Biden have asked themselves the following questions:

Was Hunter Biden qualified for the job?  Apparently the man has a law degree and has served on Boards before, so yes, he was.

Much has been made of the amount of money he was paid, but did he fulfill the obligations of his contract in order to BE paid that stipend?  Again apparently as he went to the required meetings and provided what was considered by the company to be sound advice on the matters before the Board.

Did they hire him simply because he was Joe Biden's son?  Probably, but he BEGAN his service in 2014 and ended his term in 2019, LONG after his father was no longer VP.  IF they hired him simply for his connection and he were incompetent, they certainly would have parted company long before the end of his contract.

I wonder how many people who are screaming about nepotism are the beneficiaries of it themselves?  Certainly, the "Handbag designer" would NOT be working in the White House, Wharton Business degree notwithstanding, were her last name not Trump,  Ditto, her husband, who is no the brightest crayon in the box as far as I can tell.  Trump once referred to such people as members of "the lucky sperm club"  I wonder how he feels about that remark now.


Have you ever gotten a job because of who you know or who you are related to?  A friend recommends you?  Of COURSE you have.  So why is this any different?  Apparently, Hunter Biden did the job he was paid for.  No shame in getting the money, or is there?  Perhaps, Trump is playing to his base when he scream-tweets out the paycheck numbers, but I wonder what he is paying his family and the families of his hangers-on and if WE are getting the same BANG for our buck as Burisma got from Hunter Biden.

Is it life imitating art or....

I am reading ( well  not reading I am listening to a book on cd in my car) called "The Vanishing Stair" by Maureen Johnson.  It's a YA ( young adult) novel and a lot of YA books are really really good so don't  let the label fool you.

In the book, one of the prankster kids lets about thirty squirrels loose in the library- this to get everyone on campus busy while they look for clues in a disappearance of another student. 

I clapped my free hand over my mouth - I was driving after all.

You see, the day before, I got a call about  wildlife in a chimney at one of my older branches.  Did you know that our older branches were built with chimneys to help heat them and to make them look more like the homes in the area, to blend in?  It's true.

In any case, I spent most of yesterday and part of today (Shh don't tell my boss, but this is a freebie  a lot of times, I do something I consider a gift to the City I live in, and this is one of them.  Add to that that a dead Squirrel takes much more time and energy to remove, along with what happens when an animal dies in the branch so.. yeah)

The company came out today, found the squirrel was going in and our, and is sealing where it was getting in. 

WHEW!

Problem solved!

At least it wasn't THIRTY squirrels  running amok and dancing the Watusi in the reading room